question for those who have bub in a bassinette in their room and your DH/DP
Hi ladies, Just a couple of questions about having bub in your room in a bassinette.
How does it work with your DH/DP in the bed too, i mean how do you go about your stuff without waking them up or keeping them awake if bub has woken them?
Things like overnight nappy changes, flicking the light (phone/night light something smallish) on and off to find things in the dark/change nappy, and being able to see to get a good attachment in the beginning
Also how do you do the night feeding without waking/keeping DH/DP up? Do you sit up and feed on the bed or have a feeding chair in your room or something entirely different?
I'll be honest im being slightly selfish in wanting bub in our room simply because its so cold at night and i want to get us all settled as quickly as possible each time theres a night call so as to limit bub and I being cold and obviously limit how long we are awake for too, I never had DD in our room as DH isn't into that and i know if he is kept awake or constantly woken once he goes back to work he will order her into her own room and there's nowhere for me to sleep in there, it wasnt as big a deal then though as it was october, the only real down side i found was it was harder to settle her by the time i got to her room as she had been awake longer itms.
Anyway just wondering what everyone else does?
I'm probably overthinking this, but it just occured to me that i'm probably going to keep DH awake/awake longer with bub in with us and thought there might be some tips others could share with me.
I basically told DF that when HE is the one getting up to him at all hours of the night THEN he can decide where he sleeps.
I didn't give him a choice.
That said, he's a heavy sleeper and we didn't really wake him up anyway from memory...
We happily cosleep, and in the early days DH would get up for feeds, and do the nappy change while I ran to to the loo. I feed laying down in bed once they are past newborn stage.
We have a nightlight on, so the room is never 100% dark.
Sorry, off to bed so very brief but... DH slept through it all after a week. Seemed to just register that it wasn't his prob and switched off - a real pain when I do actually need help, but an enviable skill. I left the light on in the ensuite and the door slightly ajar at first so plenty of light for attachment, nappy changes etc and made sure I knew where things were before going to bed. Fed sitting up in bed at first while bubs got the hang of it, then quickly switched to lying down feeding - so I could go back to sleep whilst feeding, and found bubs settled better this way too as could probably feel me relax.
ETA. Now we just have a little night light plugged in. Barely any light but enough to find a dummy or avoid tripping over the cot!
All my kids have been in my room/bed for months. DD3 (18 months) & DS (4) both sleep in my bed now. DS not every night, but 90% of the time. (It is different now I'm single.)
DD1 wasn't in our bed much, but the other 3 have been from very early on. With the babies right next to me, they rarely cried long enough, or loud enough to wake ex. If they did it was a really bad night & they were usually alot older. I would leave the ensuite light on, or I had a lamp for night feeds/changes.
I would give your H the option of the couch or the bed. Or get an extra single bed somewhere for him if its needed. There are sometimes circumstances, but I really don't think its fair that only one parent has to adjust to a new baby while the other continues to sleep 8 - 10 hours straight a night.
Sleep is a must for workers, especially in some industries... but us mothers can't drive a car with our children in them safely if we are sleep deprived... That is not safe.
I'd see how it goes for a few weeks, then think about weather or not changes need to be made
We didn't have much issue, if DS was particularly unsettled I would go sit in the lounge and watch my recorded programs with him so DH could sleep. DH didn't really have much issue tho, he slept thru most things.
In the early days I'd get up and go out into the lounge - we left the study light on next to our room which was fine to see by with even just the door slightly ajar and I'd settle down to phaff about on BB and FB while DS had his feeding marathons. Also watched a lot of Mythbusters. I was lucky though, in that it wasn't cold.
Now though, DS is in his own room and usually wakes around 1-3am for a feed. I bought a lovely snuggly dressing gown and feed him in a chair in his room with a nightlight on.
DS was "meant" to be in our room but the first night way so noisy so we put him in the loungeroom which was just outside our room.
DD was in our room for 5 months and DH never complained. He knew that it was much easier for me to feed & get back to sleep with her next to me and he could easily get back to sleep even if she woke him up. If we were having a bad night though I'd take her out to the loungeroom to feed her. It was much easier to settle her too as she was right there.
This bubba will be in our room too for a while, I plan on bfing as long as we can so it makes it much easier on me. Also for the settling factor again, that it's much easier to give them a gentle pat or rock back to sleep instead of being woken right up by having to get out of bed.
With DD1 DH was a grumpy pants and I went out into the lounge for all feeds. July baby - urgh! The change table was in our room so he did get woken for that, but it didn't take long for him to sleep through nappy changes. With DD2 I just said I'm feeding in bed and you can live with it, but I reckon he has slept through pretty much every one of her night feeds! So not really a big issue.
DP was banished to an inflatable mattress for the first 9 months of DSs life. It was mostly out of necessity. DP has to be up for work at 4am, and DS was a shocking sleeper. After he realised I was spending the night on the couch after the 1am feed, DP nicely just removed himself from the bedroom so DS and I could just share the big bed. I wasn't doing it so as not to disturb him though, it was more a case of passing out from sheer exhaustion and figuring there's no point getting into bed to have to get up 50 million times....... lol. It was bliss, really once DS and I took over the master suite hehe. I missed snuggling up with DP but we all got a lot more sleep this way.
Very similar to PRMG - DS was in our room for about 5 months and I would take him and me into the lounge room to feed (we had our rocking chair there), turn the heater on (winter baby) and as we generally needed to do a nappy change mid feed or straight after I had to get out of bed anyway. I also needed to sit properly in a chair to feed otherwise my back would hurt if I wasn't properly supported.
DH rarely woke when DS did after the first few weeks, like Santosha said they do tend to tune out when they know they dont need to respond to the cries.
DS always used to settle back to sleep very quickly after a feed, so it was rare that I was up for more than about 30 mins anyway so it worked for us all
DD 7m is in our bed and even though she pushes him out of the bed LOL he hardly wakes up.
For the first 4-6 weeks she was in the bassinet and i got her out to feed and put her back to bed but now its easier that she is in our bed and still waking constantly through the night.
For the first few months I'd get up and take DD into the lounge. Change table was in her room so I'd do the nappy change there halfway through the feed. In the beginning I wasn't comfortable that I'd stay awake and I was unsure about having her in bed with us when she was so little. TBH, thoughts about DH never crossed my mind but that's probably because he's a super heavy sleeper and doesn't wake up easily. Once DD was bigger, I fed in my bed and we didn't really do the night time nappy change.
I plan on doing the same thing this time around too.
If my DH has an issue, he knows where the couch is. DH is up just as often as me anyway, either with bubs or with one of the other kids. The way I figure it, my sleep is just as important as DH's - possibly more so, because I am the one caring for the kids all day, driving them in the car etc, so if I slip up because of fatigue it can be extremely dangerous; If DH stuffs up at work, it's not good, but at least it is an office job, so his health shouldn't be directly at risk.
Having said that, I do try not to wake him unnessecarily.
Ds was a really bad sleeper with his reflux but settled better when he knew I was right beside him, it kept dh awake even though he is generally a heavy sleeper so we would take it in turns swapping between our bedroom and a big inflatable mattress which was comfy as it was knee high! Those were long nights, at three months he got to noisy even for me in his sleep so he went in the loungeroom which was opposite our room. At 4 months we moved and he finally had his own room and moved into the cot as he had outgrown the bassinette.
Those of you who feed in bed lying down & then fall asleep together... How do you have enough room? I mean a baby can easily fit between parents, bit what about when you need to feed from the boob on the side of the edge of the bed? Don't you worry that with no parental barrier between the baby and the edge, the baby might fall out?
With our first, DH used to wake up all the time but he wanted to help so it didn't bother him. After a few weeks he just stopped waking up when Moo cried. Used to amaze me that a baby could be crying a metre away from him and he wouldn't even stir I would turn the TV on and bedside lamp and he would still sleep through it all.
With our second I don't think DH has woken up when bubs has once. I turn on the bedside lamp everytime I feed, slept with it on for the first month as Buster is in with us and I wanted to be able to see him.
question for those who have bub in a bassinette in their room and your DH/DP
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It was mostly out of necessity. DP has to be up for work at 4am, and DS was a shocking sleeper. After he realised I was spending the night on the couch after the 1am feed, DP nicely just removed himself from the bedroom so DS and I could just share the big bed. I wasn't doing it so as not to disturb him though, it was more a case of passing out from sheer exhaustion and figuring there's no point getting into bed to have to get up 50 million times....... lol. It was bliss, really once DS and I took over the master suite hehe. I missed snuggling up with DP but we all got a lot more sleep this way.
Wake DH? I think not.
(or help)
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