Hi Deirdre,
There is nothing more stressful than your crying baby, but just remember no baby ever died form crying. Ur settling techniques sound ok, but alot of those never worked for my first baby. He just liked to cry himself to sleep. You could try swaddling/wrapping her. She might be waking her self up when she startles. Sometimes they just have to cry themself to sleep and its a way they learn to self settle and exert some energy. My first son needed to cry for 20 minutes before he went to sleep. My 2nd only cries for 5mins before he sleeps. He is a totally different temperement. Of course some days are worse than others. Hang in there.