I'm so sorry you're going through this. I seriously, seriously recommend you read "Gut and Psychology Syndrome"- it will help you see why your children have the behaviours they have AND you'll find it can be fixed!! Which is extremely awesome

I'm wondering why you say you are being forced to toilet train your son? 2ys 4mths is at the young end for ANY boy to toilet train so I'd be dropping it for now seeing he doesn't seem ready.