Self settling

[peanutter]

You will have heard so many different things, but the overarching message is clearly "all babies are different"

I think that you can't teach a baby to self settle anywhere near 4 weeks old, but I do believe that some babies need quiet, soft, warm, low or no light venue to be able to settle.

DS2 just needed to be left alone - you do that for a while, and he'd grizzle of course - because he was over stimulated! But a little peace and quiet, and he's realise "I'm full, I'm warm, I'm dry, I'm comfy, I've been cuddled, and now there's nothing going on and I can relax. Ah." and he'd fall asleep.

I just wish that I'd tried that when he was little, and it hadn't taken me until he was 8 months old before giving it a crack I could have saved myself a lot of agony and anguish and sleep deprivation.

You're not trying to teach her anything, you're not trying to fix her - you're simply finding out whether your daughter needs some peace and quiet to be able to fall asleep.

Plenty of babies get over stimulated - by your smell, the proximity of milk (even if they're full) and by whatever else is going around. They might just need a time out from all that stimulation - all those touches and smells and noises - to be able to rest, actually rest, and go to sleep.

And hey, if it doesn't work after some genuine attempts then you can try something else.

Good luck!

[Babyluv]

Sleep training a baby that young is detrimental IMO. It's been proven to be bad for their little brains let alone feeding etc. Even Ferber has come out to say he was wrong. That babies shouldn't be self settled or made CIO at all.

I know how frustrating it is. But I would look more into reading cues. Also reflux and gas is the biggest cause of an unsettled baby. And leaving them to settle on their own is not really helping that at all. Try and remember this is all normal. Babies don't sleep like adults. They have more frequent needs than we do.

And the one thing I want to absolutely swear to you... You cannot spoil a baby. By cuddling them to sleep. Or settling them with you in a cot it is not going to spoil them or create some pattern that you can't undo. It just doesn't happen. Babies routines and needs change a billion times over the first year. And right now she needs comfort and reassurance. Not to be self settled. As at this age she is wired to think she is abandoned if left. It's like an inbuilt protective mechanism so that they don't get left because they are pretty helpless.

You are doing a great job! Keep talking! And keep at it. But just remember this is all normal. And you can do this!

I completely agree with Rouge.
Sleep deprivation is exhausting and really tough but as parents it is up to us to adjust to it, rather than trying to enforce our belief of the amount of sleep we think is normal on them. Our norm is not the norm for a baby. Good luck.

[Sagres]

I totally know where you are ( in an emotional sense, I'm not a stalker!) and to an extent we all have and I remember this part well - it feels like everything that happens now is the way it is going to be FOREVER!!! But they aren't. Babies change so much and so often, if there is an underlying health issue like reflux that kinda stays the same (and I think it would be worthwhile checking out the reflux thing, even if it is just to rule it out but check anyway) but the sleeping feeding settling stuff chops and changes often. Almost everything is a stage and a stage that will pass! In the first few months a good mantra to live by is 'this is a stage, this too shall pass'.

In the mean time you need to do what ever you need to get through the days and nights. Take a deep breathe, relax and try to feel some calmness wash over you and listen to your gut instinct. What do feel like you need to do? What does your instinct tell you she needs? Not what *they* say she needs or what *they* say she should have, but what your inner mummy instinct says?

[Marley&Me]

Thanks for your replies ladies. I went to sleep school for unsettled babies yesterday and they were really helpful. They showed me sone good techniques for settling and the angel wrap. Dd seems to love the angel wrap! I settled her in less than 5 minutes while there and now at home I did it again I just wrap her, put her in her cot and rock or pat her bum and she's asleep. I can't believe it. I'm pretty sure it's the angel wrap that's making a big difference,hopefully it will last because I'm enjoying her so much more.

[chody47]

That's great news! By angel wrap do you mean with her hands up by her face? If so, that's the only way DD1 would sleep too. You can actually buy sleeping bags that work with this arm position. We used wrap me ups (but they seem to have a different name now). Both my girls have slept so well in them.

[Jaycee]

That's awesome news Tasha, well done!!

[Marley&Me]

Yeah when their arms are up i front if them. She used to fight me every time I used to wrap her and when she'd wake she'd always have her arms out. But she seems nice and snug this way. It gives me confidence knowing I can do it and she will sleep well.

[Bloom]

Well done Tasha! This good news has brought a smile to my face today.

[~Hestia~]

Glad to hear you have found something that works for you both

[peanutter]

Huzzah!!

What splendid news

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Huzzah! Something that works! Long may it last.

[OceanPrincess]

Wonderful! Go you!

[Lily Dust]

It gives me confidence.....

This has made me smile. Im really happy and proud for you, Tasha

[Lily Dust]

It gives me confidence.....

This has made me smile. Im really happy and proud for you, Tasha

[Marley&Me]

Thanks everyone. She still won't settle half the time. Had a tough night again last night. But at least it's a start!

[Arimeh]

At least if she's not settling half the time, it means half the time she is settling

[little_O]

Don't forget Hun she is only 4 weeks old.

As nice as it would be that the old thought of "babies sleep all the time" was true when we wanted it to be, it's not.

They do need lots of sleep, but they also need lots of touch, cuddles, nursing and love.

I remember when I felt like I was going nuts some very experienced mums on here told me 8 weeks was this magic time period. It was. All of a sudden she started sleeping a little longer, settling a little quicker and feeding a little better. It wasnt an overnight sensation but every bit of improve is great.

I remember finding a strong correlation between dd's day sleeps and night sleeps. If she had good day sleeps, she would sleep better at night. The two seem to go hand in hand.

How does she go during the day?

[Caz_88]

Hey Tasha,
my little man was exactly the same at 3w. At 4w we were battling severe reflux, but discovered the Halo Swaddlesacks.... they sound lile something that might help you. Now at 6w he is a delight. He doesnt go to sleep until 11pm and wakes at 3am and 6am but feeds and settles within half an hour each time (unless he is refluxing- then a dose of mylanta calms the pain). Now when its bedtime I take him upstairs and cuddle him until he is sleepy and eyes start drifting. I then put him in the bassinet before he is asleep. I hold my hand on his back for a minute, say goodnight etc and leave him.
Somwonw mentioned the difference between crying and whinging. DS fights sleep. He can seem like he is asleep but will then suddenly start crying. It took me a while to realise he wasnt actually properly awake and would stop within a minute. I can now tell the difference between this cry and a distress cry.
Hang in there lovely- it will get better soon <3