Self settling

[Rouge]

Sleep training a baby that young is detrimental IMO. It's been proven to be bad for their little brains let alone feeding etc. Even Ferber has come out to say he was wrong. That babies shouldn't be self settled or made CIO at all.

I know how frustrating it is. But I would look more into reading cues. Also reflux and gas is the biggest cause of an unsettled baby. And leaving them to settle on their own is not really helping that at all. Try and remember this is all normal. Babies don't sleep like adults. They have more frequent needs than we do.

And the one thing I want to absolutely swear to you... You cannot spoil a baby. By cuddling them to sleep. Or settling them with you in a cot it is not going to spoil them or create some pattern that you can't undo. It just doesn't happen. Babies routines and needs change a billion times over the first year. And right now she needs comfort and reassurance. Not to be self settled. As at this age she is wired to think she is abandoned if left. It's like an inbuilt protective mechanism so that they don't get left because they are pretty helpless.

You are doing a great job! Keep talking! And keep at it. But just remember this is all normal. And you can do this!

[OceanPrincess]

Rouge's post reminded me, did you end up getting her checked for reflux?

[lady_neon]

I haven't read all the responses yet, but the first thing that always pops into my mind when people mention self-settling babies, is 'how do YOU self settle?'.

So, I ask you, how do you self settle? When you are uncomfortable in bed, you might remove some blankets, add a blanket, ditch your pillow, turn off the light, turn the music off, turn the music up if your neighbours are being loud,.get a glass of water, take a panadol if you have a headache, talk to your partner if something is on your mind... You see where I am going. As adults, we have the ability to a) identify what is bothering us and b) fix it.

What then, can a baby do in any of the above mentioned scenarios?

Please, do not ignore your baby to teach her to stare blankly at the ceiling so as not to inconvenience you. I understand there are timed when you will need to put her down and walk outside to count to 100 and breathe, but the only thing you teach a baby with this self settle nonsense is that she shouldn't bother asking you to help her. Not exactly the message we want to send to our children at any age.

That being said - some babies do just drop off when put down after being fed and other needs met. Give it a go but don't expect anything. I still have an awful sleeper at 10 months old... It does eventually get better.

[lady_neon]

Don't feel embarrassed for asking questions. I posted here almost every day when DS was born... All I can say is thank ceiling cat for the BB ladies

[onthefly]

Human beings are social animals and we're born with an innate need for contact and reassurance from our mums. It's biological. Babies don't 'learn' to rely on us to settle, they need it instinctively. As you respond to your baby you meet their need for reassurance and help to develop a strong sense of self worth, which in turn helps to establish a solid foundation for independence. This is another aspect of development that comes - just like walking and talking - when your child is ready.

It is often possible to train babies to give up and stop calling for help. It's not necessarily something you want to teach them, in my opinion.

If she's having lots of trouble settling, it may well be that there's something else going on that needs addressing. Hang in there

[Jaycee]

MadB has summed it up in a fabulous sentence, you will often be training your baby to give up and not call for help rather than teaching them to "settle".

You're doing a great job Tasha, but I think you need to relax a little and just go with the flow a little. I know it's increadibly hard, and easy for us to sit back and tell you to chill, but the newborn phase is so increadibly short and I don't want you to regret all the time you spent trying to get your bubs to be the perfect baby, and eat and sleep on cue, as it's just not doable.

Your baby is perfect already, you just need to relax your expectations a little.

We're all here to help and support you through this

[Frangipani Lou]

Sleep training a baby that young is detrimental IMO. It's been proven to be bad for their little brains let alone feeding etc. Even Ferber has come out to say he was wrong. That babies shouldn't be self settled or made CIO at all.

I know how frustrating it is. But I would look more into reading cues. Also reflux and gas is the biggest cause of an unsettled baby. And leaving them to settle on their own is not really helping that at all. Try and remember this is all normal. Babies don't sleep like adults. They have more frequent needs than we do.

And the one thing I want to absolutely swear to you... You cannot spoil a baby. By cuddling them to sleep. Or settling them with you in a cot it is not going to spoil them or create some pattern that you can't undo. It just doesn't happen. Babies routines and needs change a billion times over the first year. And right now she needs comfort and reassurance. Not to be self settled. As at this age she is wired to think she is abandoned if left. It's like an inbuilt protective mechanism so that they don't get left because they are pretty helpless.

I agree Rouge.

In a word... Yes.

There's some great articles on BB about babies sleep and also on Pinky McKay's website. Her book Sleeping like a baby has lots of useful and gentle info in it too.
The Evolutionary Parenting website has lots of well researched and referenced Info too.
Some information I thought you may find interesting...
In my experience (working with babies, children and families) and research into early brain development and cortisol ( stress hormone) 4 weeks is very early to consider self settling. As Rouge has mentioned, babies need us. They have immature nervous systems and need us to help with emotional regulation. At this age your DD doesn't see herself as separate from you so when left alone may become stressed and upset. It's the old survival thing.
When babies cry and they are left alone, their cortisol levels rise. When a baby cries and is being held (and acknowledged)their cortisol levels do not rise. Cortisol in the body does not allow learning to occur. So crying and sleep learning, (including expectations of self settling) by methods that have their historical roots in the 1920's is contraindicated with good mental health.
When a baby cries and is not soothed by a responsive adult eventually they give up. This is called the Extinction response/ method.
The Australian Association for Infant Mental Health has some interesting information that is very well researched in their Policies, Guidelines and Submissions section of their website.
It talks about how critical a healthy attachment is for a baby to its parents and particularly their mother.

At this age babies are also learning to trust or mistrust the world and the people close by.

IMO You will find your rhythm but give yourself and your LO some time. She is small and you are her world for now.

[Beatrix]

Tash- seems to me like you are focusing so much on this sleep battle, I did too for about 6 weeks, was ready to rip my hair out. Then i just accepted that she wasn't going to do things how i wanted, so I let her lead and I have a much happier bub and of course mum!!!!

let her take the lead and go with it.... if your tense she will sense it. Try a shower or bath together just to bond, lay in bed with your top of and cuddle

[Babyluv]

Sleep training a baby that young is detrimental IMO. It's been proven to be bad for their little brains let alone feeding etc. Even Ferber has come out to say he was wrong. That babies shouldn't be self settled or made CIO at all.

I know how frustrating it is. But I would look more into reading cues. Also reflux and gas is the biggest cause of an unsettled baby. And leaving them to settle on their own is not really helping that at all. Try and remember this is all normal. Babies don't sleep like adults. They have more frequent needs than we do.

And the one thing I want to absolutely swear to you... You cannot spoil a baby. By cuddling them to sleep. Or settling them with you in a cot it is not going to spoil them or create some pattern that you can't undo. It just doesn't happen. Babies routines and needs change a billion times over the first year. And right now she needs comfort and reassurance. Not to be self settled. As at this age she is wired to think she is abandoned if left. It's like an inbuilt protective mechanism so that they don't get left because they are pretty helpless.

You are doing a great job! Keep talking! And keep at it. But just remember this is all normal. And you can do this!

I completely agree with Rouge.
Sleep deprivation is exhausting and really tough but as parents it is up to us to adjust to it, rather than trying to enforce our belief of the amount of sleep we think is normal on them. Our norm is not the norm for a baby. Good luck.

[peanutter]

Tasha - have you got a copy of the Wonder Weeks book?

It helps explain really well what is going on for bubba, week by week, and gives you a heads up on weeks which might be a little different, a little easier, a little harder.

I don't know about you, but personally, having a bit of a road map, a bit of fair warning, makes all the difference.

I think there's even an app these days (those crazy kids! what next?).

Check it out.

[Marley&Me]

How long does she sleep for during the day? I remember the child nurse saying to me that at this age they should be sleeping for 1.5-2 hour stints during the day. Once she started doing that she wield go 5 hours at night. This was from about 9-12 weeks though.

Does she burp well after each feed?

She sleeps pretty well during the day usually, about 1.5 hours. But the last two days she's been terrible After her 6:30am feed she only slept about 30 minutes. I had to go in and resettle her 4 times. By the time she finally fell asleep it was time for the next feed.
That's the new problem, it's taking her so long to fall into deep sleep that 3 hours passes and it's time to feed again. She just had an hour and I can hear her stirring, but it's because I opened her door. Her last feed was at 9:30am and she didn't go down till 11:30. She is starting to burp well, but does LOTS of farts.

Tasha - have you got a copy of the Wonder Weeks book?

It helps explain really well what is going on for bubba, week by week, and gives you a heads up on weeks which might be a little different, a little easier, a little harder.

I don't know about you, but personally, having a bit of a road map, a bit of fair warning, makes all the difference.

I think there's even an app these days (those crazy kids! what next?).

Check it out.

Yeah I will check it out, thanks peanutter