Should I say goodbye or not? (Just to go to work, nothing too drastic)

[black_rose]

Say goodbye, it can make a big difference. Dh has just gone from working at home to being in an office. Dd1 started to get really grumpy and refusing to eat as dh was the one to feed her dinner, and have a play late afternoon. atm he can't always get back (in the past he could go back to work). He always goes on now and gives her a kiss even if she doesn't wake up. We also try and call him once a day. It has made a difference this past week she will eat and knows daddy us working at the new office. She started to ignore him and refuse cuddles it broke his heart. He is spending the day with her today just the two of them .

[mummato1]

Yeah I always have.. I think its important to let them know whats going on, even through they may not fully understand. DS is now 10 months, and even if I know I wont be home when he wakes up I make sure I tell him before he goes to sleep where I will be and who will be there when he wakes.. If I am home I always tell him that I will just be in the lounge / kitchen and right here he if needs me. It might sound silly but I would feel worse if I just disappeared.. I mean if someone did that to me now even as an adult I would find it rude iykwim...

[luna moth]

Definitely say goodbye! My biggest irritation after 10 years in childcare is parents who try to sneak off! YES it is harder for you to have to say goodbye, but it is sooooo much better for them to be told the truth. I see kids whose parents have snuck off - they spend the whole day searching for them, mentally or physically, rather than engaging in play. Not engaging in play means that their learning is then impaired. Kids who have had the goodbye usually fuss until the parent is out of sight, then may need cuddles or reassurance for a little while, but eventually they all settle down and play properly, which means they can learn.
When it does come time that she's wailing "Don't leeeeeeave meee!" - make it short, sharp and sweet. Say "I have to, darling, but I'll be back at 4:30 (or whatever) and then remove yourself from view as quickly as possible. If crying makes you stay, then of course they will cry more, because it works! Kids learn this so early, like from 15 months or so. And the more they cry, the harder they are to settle, and again, learning is impaired. It may sound cold, but after looking after tons of kids over the years, the best adjusted ones have been the ones with honest parents who don't prolong the pain.

[Janie]

Agree with the others, definitely say goodbye. Our DS1 is totally fine with being left 98% of the time, but the odd occasion he isn't happy about it I tell him that I'll be back 'soon' and he then settles down and says goodbye happily.

[GoingtobebiginAsia]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the advice. I can't say goodbye in the mornings because DD is still asleep when I leave. But I will definitely start telling her where I'm going from now on. Maybe her sleeping patterns will change soon (I think I need to start a new thread asking for advice on how to deal with a night owl) and she will be awake when I leave for work.

Audax, thanks for your advice. When the time comes for her to go to daycare or kindy I won't sneak away.