Help! Mum-to-be scared about leaving bub for 7 days!
Hello everyone,
I have a dilemma that I need some mum's opinions on. I decided I didn't want to go back to work after I have my bub and am planning on starting my own part-time business from home. However, to gain the qualifications I need to start this, I have to do an intensive live-in course in country Vic (Newbury) for 7 days. I am due on the 10th of September and the course starts on the 17th of October, so bub could be as young as 3-4 weeks (if I'm overdue). Its going to cost me a fortune to hire someone and pay for their accommodation and there is no child care within the district. I could leave her with my mum, but she is 3 hours away and I am scared about being away from her for so long, while she is so young. Hubby could come along but that means him trying to get time off work.
My dilemma is... what would be the best way to organise child care in this situation and should I leave her with my mother for 7 days, am I just being a paranoid new mum????
I need to do this course to enable me to spend more time with her in the long run, if anyone has any ideas and opinions I would appreciate your input!
Hiya. Congrats on your pregnancy!
I think it is really hard to make a judgement until you've had your baby, unfortunately.
Personally, there is no way I could've left my baby for 7 hours, let alone 7 days when she was a few weeks old. (In fact, I still haven't left her for that long yet ) This decision is hard because I understand what you are saying, the course will benefit you and your baby in the long run, so its theoretically worth it. However, it means you probably won't be able to breastfeed - if you wanted to, it'd be awfully hard to express enough for 7 days in a matter of weeks, I'd've thought. That'd be a really big deal for me if it were my decision.
Is there any chance of postponing the study for a little while to give yourself some time with your baby first?
Or is there any chance of your mum coming to the course with you (in place of your hubby)? That way, you could still spend your spare time with bubs?
I would say exactly what Amy has said. Is there any way your Mum can go with you.? I could not of left my bub at that age for 7 days. I really dont think you will be able to decide until after the baby arrives. It's a very difficult decision.
I have to agree with Snacks and say I also couldn't have left my baby alone for that long. I still haven't spent one single night away from her! Also, so soon after you've given birth you will still be getting used to being a mum, not getting much sleep, and establishing breastfeeding (if you are planning to breastfeed that is) and you might find that you are not ready to leave your baby. Or be able to concentrate for that long!!
Do you have to book now or can you wait until after you've had your baby? Or maybe look at doing the course a couple of months later? I realize this will be good for you all in the long run but it is also good to take some time just to enjoy your baby and being a mum.
Sounds like a hard decision to make. If it's something you feel you really have to do then how about your mum stay with you and the bub at your accommodation. That way you aren't that far away. You can see bub during breaks or at nights.
Is there no chance of doing an earlier course or one later?
I too would have said what Amy has. I couldn't have left my DD for that long. Your mum coming with you is a good idea. How often do they do these courses? Could you wait a few months and then do it? Breastfeeding may be difficult in that situation also as the first 6 weeks are very important for establishing it in regards to milk supply and suck reflex so it is suggested that you exclusively bf for this time. Good luck with your decision and good luck with getting your business up and running.
I really wouldn't count on you wanting to go when the time comes.
Can you do the course in a few months? It might be better to wait, I realise you are probably raring to go with your new business, but I would strongly advise to postpone.
1 - You just never know what kind of baby you might get! You may be lucky enough to get one that wakes every 4 hours for a feed, but you may get one that wants to feed 2 hrly, or even just a normal baby trying to adjust to life on the outside with unsettled periods. Also, you do need to give yourself time to recover - even with a great birth etc, you will find yourself happily in tracky daks and slippers for longer than you may think!!
2- From a business standpoint, the time and effort it can take to start a new business - even from home can be so easily underestimated. I can't stress this enough. I began a new business when my son was 4 months old, and continued had another daughter along the way. I was pretty successful, but even with careful planning you can't forsee everything and it ended up taking up massive amounts of my time to keep it jogging along until I could throw myself back into it.
I am in no way wanting to rain on your parade - I just think it would be incredibly hard to do both, and you may save yourself alot of grief and begin your business with a steady foundation.
Good luck with it, I wish you heaps of success - for both baby and business!
I would try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Having a baby really does change your life! I have been fortunate enough to have a wonderful hassel free baby, but even with that i have certainly had my days, emotionally. I really think that if it was me i would try to hold off making a decision about going to the course until after you have had bubba so you know how you and bubba are going to go. Good luck!
Personally, I'd be seeing if DH could take a week hols from work and go with you... that's just me though. To date I have only left Oskar for 10 mins..lol..I just can't do it yet.
With Annika at that age, there is no way I could have left her. It would have just torn me apart. Even at 7 months, I still can't imagine leaving her for 7 days. I'd go crazy!
Also, another issue you might want to think about is the bonding that occurs in the first few weeks. You really need to take the time to get to know your baby, and also for him/her to get accustomed to you. If you are going away for 7 days, and spending a lot of time and energy on trying to get a new business up and running, you might find that you are spread a bit thin, especially if you have a baby with colic or reflux, who demands a lot of attention.
That being said, it is your choice, and you have to do what you feel comfortable with. Good luck with the new baby, and congrats on the pregnancy!
what everybody else has said.... there is no way you can prepare yourself in any way, shape or form for how you are going to feel once your baby has arrived. it is indescribable and to be honest, your head goes out the window and you sort of go on auto pilot instinct for the first few weeks (IMO).... i couldn't watch a tv show let alone try to study or take in actual information.... i wouldn't be comitting myself to ANYTHING just yet... you don't know how you are going to feel or how you are going to cope. sometimes it is hard just to get thru the day. i cannot fathom having to leave baby for so long and being so far from home and having to concentrate and focus on something (other than bubs).
i wouldn't even be considering it unless there was absolutely no other possibility and the alternative would be starving to death. but that is just me, you may be superwoman and have wonderful coping skills. good luck whatever you decide.
Could you do the course before you have bubs?
I think it will be hard for you to leave your bubba for this long. The first few weeks are really hard and you are just getting to know your baby. It ouwld be really hard if you are planning on bf too.
I am only just getting confident enough to leave my baby now and she is 13wks old. I have left her with my mum for about 3 hours, (I was at the movies with DH, 10mins away) and I still called to make sure she wasn't crying or upset and if she was I would have been home in a second!
My other suggestion would be to do the course later if you can.
I think if you have to do the course now, take your DH with you. At least she would have someone who will be with her when she's at home, someone familiar, (if you know what mean) whilst you are studying.
Hello everyone and than so much for your input. I contacted the college and they said that if I decide to cancel then they will just book me in for the next course later in the year. So I will be able to decide what I want to do after I have bub.
Spoke to hubby too and he said he will take annual leave and come with me as a holiday if I like, which is another option.
There are courses later in the year but they are highly competitive to get into and the business I am starting satisfies a niche market in my area, so I have to get in before anyone else. The other reason I am doing this is because I was fired from my job when I was 16 weeks pregnant. I was not able to find another job, also because I was pregnant, and no one hires pregnant women and we are seriously strained financially. So, unfortunantly, I need to do this now and balance a part time job with it.
I would do the later course for sure. Like I said, I understand you are raring to go - but on the off chance that someone else in your area gets in first, you can still be highly competitive with a better business in the long run.
It's not us all saying "oh I'm such a good mummy that I can't possibly leave my child", it's a biological feature that means you protect your baby and you just can't help it. I doubt any dr or midwife will advise you it will be ok to leave your bubs for an entire week. How much do you think you will really get out of the course if you can't put you whole head into it?
I would be inclined to at least get all the business plans and market research and all the other set up stuff done before bubs, then do the course later in the year and have everything ready and set upto go when you have your mum role sorted.
It can be done properly, just one thing at a time!
Em - As someone who is obsessive about their career and had very high expectations about beginning my phd as soon as I had popped, I have to say that I agree with the other girls. I am going to start it next month (he will be 4 months) and am even a bit worried about that time-wise. The first six weeks really are a challenge as you learn your little bub, learn to breastfeed, try to sleep etc. And once you have them, you realise a week is a looooong time. Not only for you but for them. They are still learning who you are and that they can rely on you.
Good luck with what you decide. And it is great they will let you decide after the birth.
It's great that you can postpone and go on the next course if you decide to. It gives you the option to decide after the birth.
Honestly as the other girls have said, it's more than just leaving your baby. Even if DH and baby come along, I think you are going to have awful dificulty taking anything in. The pg hormones at that stage combined with lack of sleep (which you will have even with the best bub) make it impossible for your brain to work. I think you might realise what we mean once the baby arrives and you try to even remember what you need from the supermarket!
I understand the finiancial situation is difficult, but if you put yourself under pressure to do the impossible, your health (mental and physical) could suffer. So be prepared to have a plan b if you realise that the course would be too much so early. As others have suggested, is there a way you get up and running first and then do the course? Or spend more hours on part time work first and then take the chance that you are still the first in your area? I would try and look at all the options. Then, when you have had the baby, see how you are going and decide which path is going to work for you.
I wish you all the very best. I am sure it will work out well whatever you end up deciding.
Help! Mum-to-be scared about leaving bub for 7 days!
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) This decision is hard because I understand what you are saying, the course will benefit you and your baby in the long run, so its theoretically worth it. However, it means you probably won't be able to breastfeed - if you wanted to, it'd be awfully hard to express enough for 7 days in a matter of weeks, I'd've thought. That'd be a really big deal for me if it were my decision.
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