The BIG sleep issue....why do we taunt ourselves over it??

[Erin_25]

OK, so sorry if I open a huge can of worms here.......but............what is with the constant questions when you have a baby, (usually new baby) about SLEEPING.

Is it just me who hates hearing people ask, "how does he sleep", or "oh he wakes every 3hrs!"

I'm sorry but I just don't get it and it is seriously starting to annoy me. My first DS1 I thought didn't sleep that great, but he was our first...along came DS2 and he takes the cake but you know what - I'm over it!!! they are our babies and we love them to pieces, we chose to have them and there is no rule/instruction book that comes with them telling you us they are meant to sleep or what we can do.

Don't get me wrong I understand that some people 'need their sleep' and YES it is tiring getting up to a baby all night long (I get up every hour or so, perhaps every 3 on a good night). But I push through, I have grumpy days and I've tried all sorts of things but I also don't complain about it or am willing to accept it - they are small for only the tiniest part of their lives.

I have a close friend recently have thier first baby (this is probably where it's getting on my nerves).......they talk about his sleep every time we see him. Oh "he was good last night" - sorry I don't care because I was up all night & keep it to myself
or we hear "don't know what his problem is he's was up every 3hrs" - again boo hoo you are not the first and then the best one "I just can't get up at 6, how do we make him sleep longer".

I guess I have just learnt to accept all of these things, and I love my kids sooo much I would do anything. Yeah some days I am super tired, but I chose to have them and I wouldn't change it for the world. I choose to have a coffee, perhaps stay in my PJ's and just move on and keep it to myself. I understand first time around it is a huge adjustment....but it's not that bad, is it??? and everywhere we go people ask or comment on how does your baby sleep, leaving us wondering, unsure or again just talking about a topic that I guess just is how it is.....ahhhh I don't know - perhaps I havn't had enough sleep

[onthefly]

It's very annoying isn't it? Like the whole point of being a parent is to get your child to sleep - and this message is reinforced through all those expert parenting books that focus on sleep and the parenting helplines that hand out advice on how to fix the problem of no sleep.
Like your child and their behaviour - totally normal and healthy - is a problem to be solved.
I like to take a long-term view. What's important to me is the adult my child will one day be and I try to make decisions with that in mind. Whether or when they sleep through the night is pretty irrelevent in that context.
i know howhard it is having no sleep for a long time - parents need help and support to get through that, not to be constantly told that there's something wrong with them or their babies if they're not behaving a certain way.

[Snowy Love]

I always said he sleeps like a baby - which was perfectly true seeing he is a baby & wakes multiple times a night like babies are supposed to.

[HotI]

Yep it gets to me too. I have one woman who keeps asking "is she sleeping through the night yet?" I don't like lying so say "No, but we are doing ok" but every time she starts telling me how my bub should be and that i should leave her in a cot until she learns to ... blah blah blah. i didn't ask for advice, i'm ok with how we are going, why should she care about our sleeping arrangements?

THere are much cooler things that my kid does that we can talk about.

[studymum]

Yes I agree. I suppose cause all they do is eat, sleep and poop, there aint much more to brag about. Sleep and weight gain are sooo overly emphased, a baby isn't doing well unless the sleep through the night and put on huge weight gains, pfttttt, oh and how fast can are they dropping feeds is another one.

I've never made it a topic of conversation with anyone I know, if it comes up I say yeah, DD1 slept 8-12hours a night from 4 months, DD2 still wakes ever 4-5 at 10. Sometimes I get the usual tuttut, you should be weaning her off those feeds, fat chance of that lol, she needs them. I doubt its any reflection on my parenting skills, both my children are just very different and they require different things.

What does annoy me is I have some friends who are constantly complaining about how crap their babies are at sleeping, and how they have to get up every 2 hours to rock them back to sleep. I just say, well don't complain to me unless you are going to do something about it, and if you aren't going to do something about it, then stop complaining.

[meow]

I just say, well don't complain to me unless you are going to do something about it, and if you aren't going to do something about it, then stop complaining.

I dunno, when I was crazy sleep deprived with my first son sleep was ALL I could think & talk about so I complained a fair bit. I just wanted a sympathetic ear though as I had no intention of 'doing something about it'. I know some mums in my mother's group didn't like hearing from me because they felt like you but I think women should be able to talk honestly about hard the lack of sleep can be without being expected to try and 'fix it' and sleep train their child.

[CrazyLady]

I always said he sleeps like a baby - which was perfectly true seeing he is a baby & wakes multiple times a night like babies are supposed to.

lol, my quote on facebook a while back was "The person who made up the saying 'slept like a baby' obviously never had children".

My friend thinks it's the end of the world if her son cuts his nap short by half an hour or if he wakes in the night. Until DD was 8 weeks old I averaged 3 hours sleep a night. I was a tad giddy from sleep dep but I coped. My friend says every time her son wakes up during the night (once only if ever) "I don't know how you deal with multiple wakings" Well I just do, it's the way DD works, I function because that's what I have to do and I wouldn't swap her for the world!

It does annoy me when people say that she SHOULD be sleeping through the night, hell I've NEVER slept through the night. I wake up thirsty or I need to pee or something random wakes me up and I can't doze off again. It happens.

Erin, I feel your pain!

[~MummaBear~]

Ds is only 2 weeks old and im already sick of taking to random people about his sleep... they ask if he is a good baby, does he sleep and i say he acts like a newborn adn leave it at that lol

[Erin_25]

Ds is only 2 weeks old and im already sick of taking to random people about his sleep... they ask if he is a good baby, does he sleep and i say he acts like a newborn adn leave it at that lol

Ah yes, there is another one that annoys me "is he a good baby" and then "does he sleep well"............why does sleep mean they are good??? I don't get it.

My dear friend who has just had her bubs can't stop talking about it and analysing it...what was wrong last night, great the next...what we must teach him to get him to sleep. It shouldn't be such a chore with your precious little baby.

[Blujooce]

I always said he sleeps like a baby - which was perfectly true seeing he is a baby & wakes multiple times a night like babies are supposed to.

Hehe brilliant Snowy Love! I'm going to use this when I start back at work in a couple of weeks - because I just know that that's all people are going to ask me.

It's weird isn't it that somehow 'sleeping through the night' has become the gauge as to whether you are a good parent or not. i.e. if your littun' isn't sleeping through the night then you must be doing something wrong. Personally i love the opportunity to love and nurture my baby girl a couple/few times a night every night

[Lady-bug]

Yeah I don't get the 'good baby' thing if they sleep through. I must of had a very naughty or 'bad' baby!

[Jakabella]

In the start I was worried about the sleep thing and then I though - why worry! So I didnt and I didnt worry that DD woke every 3hrs for a feed. I just did it. Thats what you do. And you know what? Once I accepted that this is how much DD needed to feed and thats the way it was going to be - DD settled and started sleeping through for 12 hrs after 3 months, and I beleive it was because I was at peace with that and not up tight all the time. Im a big believer that bubs picks up on our vibes!

I would just tell ppl that yep she wakes every 3 hrs and thats cool. People dont really know what to say when its obvious that it cool with you!

Peopel have know started telling me - oh get ready for no sleep again when number 2 arrives... and I just say Bring It On!! They also just give me a confused look like im crazy!!

[meow]

I wish Jakabella! I was very accepting of my son's sleep, I didn't find waking every 2 hurs easy but I didn't stress over it. I accepted that was him. Didn't change it though! I think his sleep had a lot more to do with him than me. I never wore any guilt, shame or ownership over it.

[onthefly]

I think it's perfectly fine to have a whinge about lack of sleep - it's bloody awful! Let's not pretend it's anything out of the ordinary though - the babies that sleep through from 3 months are very much in the minority (you lucky ducks!).

Same Meow. DS would sleep if all the stars were in alignment with Jupiter (or something), but otherwise... certainly wasn't anything to do with me. In fact I think he must have inherited his crappy sleep from his father

[helle]

I hate it when people link sleeping thru to being FF.

[studymum]

I hate it when people link sleeping thru to being FF.

Arghhh omg yes, I don't know how many times I have been told with DD2, to give her a bottle of formula before bed so I will get a goods night sleep.

[onthefly]

I agree it's good to talk about how much your baby wakes/feeds etc - that's the reality for many parents but there's so much fiction on the subject many mothers are left feeling they must be doing a really crap job

[~Hestia~]

I agree it's good to talk about how much your baby wakes/feeds etc - that's the reality for many parents but there's so much fiction on the subject many mothers are left feeling they must be doing a really crap job

Exactly, that's what I was trying to say.