We had a terrible sleeper in my daughter (now 26 months). We tried everything to get her to self settle, and generally to sleep at all. As a result, bed time was so traumatic and she will hates bed now.
I'm determined not to make the same mistake with my 3 month old DS. Everyone is pressuring me to start self settling techniques with him, despite the fact he sleeps 11 or 12 hour nights.
At the moment, I just want to let things go. In my experience, even of I taught him to self settle now, there will be times it will fly out the window and we'd have to do it all again anyway! So am I setting myself up for years of no sleep or is it sensible just to see how he goes?
Entirely sensible!
I have never trained. My DS now sleeps beautifully. My daughter is still not ready.
Sounds like he's a brilliant sleeper anyway! Why mes with that?
i didn't. DD was a reluctant sleeper with my help, i didn't see the point of pushing self settling when she wasn't sleeping much already and i figured she would get there in her own time. She still needs help to get to sleep but sleeps through the night in her own bed most nights. DD has shown me that when she is ready for change, it happens really smoothly and feels quite exciting cos she did it on her own.
None of my kids have ever gone to bed by themselves as babies. Not for a single nap ever. They are generally fed to sleep, or doze off in a sling or pram. Doesn't bother me. They learned it later on and now we have no trouble at bedtime - story, kiss and they go to sleep.
Kelsbels - your story sounds like mine, went through hell with DD1 doing all the stuff the CHN was telling me, i was close to a breakdown from sleep deprivation when she was 18m.. it was all horrid. With DD2 i promised my self to do every day what was least stressfull for us both.
So we fed to sleep, she was rarely in the cot and slept on the king single in her room or our bed, while i always fed her to sleep in her room she joined us/me during the night. She is now coming up to 3, when we night weaned it took 4 nights and no more than some whinging and being put out on her part. If feeding to sleep went out the window i put her in a carrier and went for a walk, but that was only half a dozen nights during teething.
She now either sleep the night in her bed 7pm till 6ish, or wakes and come crawls in with me and resettles next to me hapily. She is talking about wanting to sleep in the bunks in her big sisters room, which is our aim..
With DD2 I went more with the flow. We co slept straight away and thankfully meant I we got about 5-6 hrs over night in those early weeks.
I did find though, after awhile (6 months I think) she became very difficult to settle, as I was doing what worked for DD1, which was feed to sleep in the hustle and bustle of the lounge room. I worked out that I needed to try with her what did not work with DD1, which was a quiet, dark room. I found she started to settle quicker, we still fed to sleep, but even then I was finding that she would sometimes push me away. Overall she has been much better at putting herself to sleep than DD1, she just still wakes a bit.
So I just suggest, do what makes life easier to start with, but don't be afraid to try a bit of self settling/less hands on approach if you think both you and bubs are ready I would certainly not force anything though.
Nope we never have. Dd loves going to bed. We have cuddles, stories and hot milk in bed and then sleep. Dd says goodnight to her daddy and happily goes off to bed every night
I haven't worried about getting any of my 3 to self settle.
DS1 still wanted to be cuddled to sleep until he was about 3, but since then he has been no problem. Gets into bed after his stories and goes to sleep around 7 every night. DS2 still comes out and sits with us after stories while he has his cup of milk. If he is really tired he falls asleep cuddling either DH or me after just a few minutes, other nights we can tuck him into his bed after his milk and he goes to sleep by himself. He was 3 in April. DD just turned 1 and still feeds to sleep most nights. I quite like the time I get with her so it doesn't bother me that I can't just put her into bed. I figure she will go to bed by herself soon enough, the other 2 don't need constant rocking anymore.
Just do what makes you happy. They are all different, but they do all sleep eventually.
When DD1 was little I realised what a crock it was so we didn't with her. DS I just did what he needed. Both children sleep well and easily now.
DD2 though is a totally different kettle of fish. I started feeding/rocking to sleep but suddenly when she was 9 weeks old she started fighting me off. She lets me know with no uncertainty when she's had enough and prefers to be put in her cradle where she proceeds to put herself to sleep. She doesn't like to co sleep either. If I hadn't had her I would never have believed children did that at all lol.
I wondered if my DS2 would ever self settle. But he does now - most of the time. I found his babyhood much easier than DS1's where i listened to other people and not myself enough. I knew DS2 was not going to settle without me - so i never got so upset when things didn't go 'to plan'.
I don't think leaving him to cry or 'sleep training' would have made me more happy or him more happy. I think it's really important that you do what really makes you feel the most comfortable - because you have to live it. If you want to just let things go now - then do that. I don't believe that you are setting yourself up for years of unsettled nights.
Thanks a lot he's pretty good anyway, happy to go down awake and be patted on the bum to sleep but he does have wind problems so often wakes only 10 or so minutes after falling asleep.
To be honest, I cannot deal with having another child who hates bed. We did sleep school, cc, and eventually crying it out with my daughter and it was a terribly traumatic time. I truly wish I could have just relaxed and let her go to
sleep as she chose to, not because someone had told me she had to. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but I'm
Determined not to make the same mistake again!
We choose our battles, sleep isn't one of them. It was years though but I'm glad I didn't push it. DD1 started sleeping through just before DD2 arrived to take over, so around 2yrs 9months but could self-settle a year or so before that. She is still fed to sleep often though.
On the plus side, she LOVES bed and often asks to go to sleep before the sun has even set. It has never been a negative for her.
I felt the same way after DD1, she was hell. In fact she was so bad, it was easier having her as a toddler and dealing with DD2 as a baby, than it was dealing with DD1 in her first year.
I sort of did with DD when she was around 8 months old, but soon gave it up as a bad joke. She always was a good sleeper though, would often just lay down after a bed-time story, snuggle up to her teddy and off to sleep.
So far with DS, I'm just following his lead. He feeds to sleep most of the time, but every so often he'll push me away and look at his cot. So I put him down, and he'll chatter/grumble to himself for a bit then nod off. I'm not messing with it, we're onto a good thing.
I don't want bed-time to be a stressful, negative experience. Cuddles, bed-time stories and wind down talking about our day all make going to bed a restful, relaxing time.
if it isnt broken dont try to 'fix it' is all i can say lol.
we never self settled with DD2 and she now does it all by herself (like a big girl lol). they get there in the end, and if his sleep is so solid, i wouldnt mess with it!
So who didn't do the whole self settling deal?
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I would certainly not force anything though.
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