Stranger Danger **it is a sensitive topic**

[*Efjay*]

If you can do them up (or even find them Im sure they would be around) as a picture book then I think it helps then to grasp the concept.

You could make them simple like a comic strip. Could leave them with out words, just pictures & make up the story as you go.

Here is Lucy. Lucy and her Mummy are going to the shops to do some grocery shopping.
Lucy and her Mummy need to buy Milk, bread and some fruit and vegetables. Lucy likes to pick out which apples to buy.
While shopping a lady came up to Lucy's Mummy and said Hello. Lucy holds Mummys hand while Mummy introduced Lucy to the Lady. Her name is Mary and she knows Mummy from Book club.
Holding Mummys hand helped keep Lucy safe while she met someone new. Its the right thing to do.

After Lucy and her Mummy had finished shopping they took the bags back to the car to go home. Lucy helps Mummy by carrying a bag that has the bread. She is a great helper.
On the way a man calls out to Lucy to come over and say Hi. Lucy turned to her Mummy and asks if she can go meet the man. But Mummy doesn't know they man and lets Lucy know that maybe another day we can say Hi, but today, we need to get the shopping home. Lucy Stays with her Mummy. Its safe to ask Mummy before going over to someone we don't know. Its the right thing to do.

You can use this sort of thing for everything. I need to make one up for Iain, who is almost 3 but he is TERRIBLE for crossing the road in car parks. He just runs ahead of me and I have to scan the roads to make sure he is going to be fine. Im normally holding Rohan & have Isla with me. She will run after Iain to bring him back but that just makes a big game so he runs faster. BUT he refuses to hold my hand. Its a working progress and some days he is good others I have to hold him tight while he wriggles and cries & drops to the ground until I let him go. Im usually the women who is carrying the child that looks like a ferrel cat scruffed at the neck while crossing the road LOL

[kelebek]

DS also hates holdimg my hand and I hate making him. MIL is very paranoid and if we are in the shops or somewhere there is a lot of people she makes him hold her hand.

EJ - I am the same, feeling very confused about all this.

[Astrid]

I think children need to know how to be social. The more people they come across in different situations will hopefully help them develop their own "stranger radar". We need to respect as parents if a child does not want to go to someone, so we don't suppress that radar. I know as kid I was often forced to be social with men that just creeped me out, otherwise I being rude.

Really most people are fine, if anything if your child is lost, it will be an adult they will need to approach to ask for help. Maybe teach them who is safe to approach in that situation, like the lady at the service counter at the supermarket for example.

[Tinks]

It's such a hard one isn't it.

I tried and tried to teach my kids about stranger danger but it just seemed that they weren't getting it. DS was the worst, he'd stop and talk to work men on his way home from school, even though I'd explained why he shouldn't a zillion times. It used to make me so angry.

One day he was walking to school, we live no more than 500m from their school, when a car stopped and a man approached him. He remained calm and kept walking because he knew that once he walked a few metres he would be visible by the crossing lady, the whole time reciting the car's rego number in his head. When he got to school he told the principal what had happened and the police were called. He was able to identify the colour, make and model of the car and the police pieced it all together. He was in grade 5 at the time.

I was so proud of him! He did everything we'd taught him to do and I didn't think he was even taking notice when I spoke to him about strangers. So, keep teaching your kids about stranger danger, they are listening.

[onthefly]

It's a really scary thought, isn't it?
DS is quite outgoing now and will talk to anyone too.
I think the most important thing is that we teach our kids to say no. That if they feel uncomfortable about a situation they can say no, I don't like this and refuse. Total compliance is the big danger, really.
The truth is, kids are most at risk from people they know, so it's not enough to say they must be wary of strangers.

[Astrid]

The truth is, kids are most at risk from people they know, so it's not enough to say they must be wary of strangers.

Very true. I suppose it is easier to think of the strange man being the one who could hurt our children, rather than thinking that "Uncle John" may be their greatest threat.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

For me i will be teaching my girls to be polite, say hello, please, thank you and to smile at people in the street but they are at NO TIME to go anywhere with someone they do not know, if they want to go to a friends house i must be asked first (friends parents are just as bad), if a 'friend' pulls over and asks to take them somewhere they will be taught no thank you mum is waiting for us (NO MATTER WHO IT IS) - if the person was to insist my kids would be taught to ask to call me first (child speaking to me not the stranger) and to let me know where they are, if someone they don't know pulls over to talk to them they will be told to say sorry but i have to go and keep walking.
They should not stop and talk to someone but to say hi and keep walking, they are not to enter someones house, say hi & keep walking.

It is all good in theory but actually teaching them i have no idea, my girls are very social already so i might have to start throwing in little 'don't go with anyone' hints.

[HotI]

I think the most important thing is that we teach our kids to say no. That if they feel uncomfortable about a situation they can say no, I don't like this and refuse. Total compliance is the big danger, really.

i think this is so important. I have known parents to 'force' kids to say hello or hug or kiss visitors in order that they not be rude, but to me it is just the first step in not allowing kids to set their own boundaries and respect the child's perception of people and right to to make guidelines for their own bodies.

[Cranky Kitten]

i think this is so important. I have known parents to 'force' kids to say hello or hug or kiss visitors in order that they not be rude, but to me it is just the first step in not allowing kids to set their own boundaries and respect the child's perception of people and right to to make guidelines for their own bodies.

I wholeheartedly agree, and have never allowed people to push the issue with DD if she doesn't want to go to them. Grandad used to be quite put out, till he realised if he backs off and lets her come to him she'll be all over him but if he tries to pick her up or grab her in a hug she gets intimidated and backs off. But to me, it's her right to decide who she wants to be friends with, and who she wants to give hugs or kisses to - I wouldn't expect an adult member of my family to give someone they don't know a hug just because I told them to, so why should I expect that of my child?

I do think with the keeping safe strategies like not going anywhere without letting mum/dad/supervising adult know it's FAR more than hints that's needed. It's open and frank discussion, teaching the rules directly that will make sure kids know where their boundaries are.

[Shanti]

Yes, I agree. Teaching them to say "no" if something doesn't feel right or sit right with them. Trying to teach them about their intuition and if they feel scared then it's not right and they should say "no".

I also worry about stranger danger ALOT! I'm probably paranoid..... DD1 is 2.5 and won't always hold my hand in shops, but I usually try to get her to either sit in the pram or the trolley OR hold the pram and walk along with me. She is never out of my sight. I won't allow that. She's also a blonde hair, blue eyed little cutie and yeah, I just worry!!!! it can happen to any kid.....my DD1 is super social and will run up to anyone to say hello and talk to them!! I really have to watch her.

Someone suggested books, I think that's a great idea. Let me know if you find any!!