Teach them not to touch OR put them away? (oh and a vent)
Apologies for this being long but its kind of a question and a vent.
Interested to know what everyone thinks about breakables or as I call them "pretties"!
I am trying to teach DD about not touching certain things that are breakable or expensive.
For example, the tv - if she goes near it I say "No Dont touch" Then I tell her its a pretty. (I wanted to give her a word that she will then associate with things that are pretty but are look and dont touch). She has learnt and doesnt touch the TV.
I am doing this as there are some things that you just cant put away. I have a big glass vase (the type that sit on the floor) with decorative sticks with shiny things on them (sorry for bad explanation). She used to be very attracted to this but with some consistent effort of me saying, "No dont touch, its a pretty", moving her away, she now goes no where near it even though its in the lounge room where she could each day. The same with photo frames, etc.
She has a book shelf in her room and down the bottom shelf are her toys, the next shelf up are her books and the top two shelves that are out of her reach are her "pretties". We look at them and I say the same thing "Pretty, dont touch" and she shakes her head for no touching (Quite cute).
If you got this far
So this brings me to today,
MIL looking after DD. I sometimes wonder about MIL and where her head is but anyway, I was so upset when I got home today to her telling me how DD's beautiful bobbleart snowglobe that she got from her Aunty a week ago for her birthday was broken. Its glass and it smashed everywhere.
I didnt understand how this could happen as its up on the 2nd top shelf pushed to the back and there is no way she could get it down.
So MIL changes the story and says DD was reaching for it so she got it down for her and showed her how the snow falls in it and then put it on the floor for her to play with. (Because thats a great idea to give a 12mth old a glass object to play with). So DD picks it up and throws it and it smashes, glass and water and the snow stuff going everywhere on the wooden floor boards in her room!
I dont know what I am more upset and cranky about. That MIL gives my DD a glass object to play with or the fact that it broke.
So anyway MIL writes me an email just now saying sorry again about it as I think she could tell from my reaction that I wasnt impressed but then says in her message,
"Again I am so sorry about the breakage to-day- I feel I am really very aware & looking all the time for possible “dangers” & I am very nervous if anything breakable is in DD's reach"
How is giving my DD a glass object being aware of possible dangers? Arrrrh I dont know. I amprobably over reacting and have gone off topic with my venting.
Anyway my main purpose of this thread is to ask,
Am I being silly teaching DD not to touch breakables
OR
Should I just put them away out of sight or stop her from going out of sight where she could be getting into breakables.
I'm another don't touch-er - with one exception: DRAWERS! Drawers in my office and in the bathroom. For some reason they were always irresistible to DD, no matter how often I tried to teach her to leave them alone. In the end, rather than go around stressing that every time my back was turned my office paperwork was being used for scrunching and scribbling or that all of the not-so-child-friendly bath/first aid stuff was being pulled out in the bathroom, I got drawer attachments to hold them shut.
Problem was, after a couple months she figured out how to undo them! I guess it was helpful for my sanity for a couple of months and she was better at understanding then. My stickytape is still a bone of contention between us...
Everything else she was perfect with and from the age of three there's nowhere you could put it completely out of reach anyway. I caught her one day standing on a chair on top of a table reaching the top of my highest bookcase. And I found several small toys stashed in a box in the very back of my wardrobe that I thought was hidden well from view. It didn't contain anything breakable, but let's just say it wasn't intended for children's eyes. I have to try much harder to hide things now!
We subscribe to the 'don't touch' policy also, for all the reasons mentioned, so Ali I think you're doing the right thing.
I also understand your angst at which to be more upset with
Which adult in their right mind gives a 1yo a snowglobe?
Obviously she has realised this was wrong on her part so I'd probably not make a big deal over it, but i'd probably child proof the house from her in the future ...
Mixture of both here. If I really want or need something kept safe, then it is put out of reach, other items are left where they normally live. DD1 is really quite strong willed and has her own logic. I caught her scrapping a big bolt across the new flat screen, which we had told her not to touch, her explanation was that she was cleaning it, something which she had seen us do. Unfortunately a bolt is very different to a cloth.
Whist on a whole I think that kids should be able to not touch things when at other people's homes, my exception is tablecloths. I really stress when at places with tablecloths, as the kids are not really grabbing them out of interest, but normally to pull themselves up or to stablise themselves when walking.
Do a bit of both here too. Things like the TV etc have always been on display and accessible and we've always told him not to touch. Now he actually knows how to operate most of the equipment. Mind you we have had a few breakages too.
Things like medications and poisions are in locked cupboards so he can't get to them even if he could be trusted.
Funny thing he isn't interested in the cupboard with the Wedgwood dinner set in it, but is fascinated by the drawer in the bathroom that holds my makeup
Here is my take on it. I don't child proof my house. I teach the kids that they can't touch stuff that is fragile, I just tell them its fragile or if its glass, I tell them its glass.
If they keep on touching it (which hardly ever happens, usually a couple of no's is enough and they stop whatever they are doing) I remove them from the situation, not the object. My thinking is that I can't expect every other person in the world to childproof their houses, especially if they don't have children, so I should teach my children to not touch these things (or listen when I say no) so then I know they will be ok at other people's houses.
Whereas in comparison - my sister childproofs her house, she has locks on drawers everywhere, and when her children were little (and I didn't have any) she got up ME when they came to my house and was touching my stuff - because I didn't child proof my house. Well - why should I? I don't have any children! So because I felt that way, I don't expect anyone to childproof their houses for my children.
For us i moved stuff untill DD was about 12 months, then when she could understand and react to no, dont touch, i taught her that, and she doesnt touch the stuff...like power points etc. before 12 months it was just pointless and a constant...dont touch dont touch with out actually stopping her touching!!!
As for your MIL.....silly, bad judgment call, just cause she was reaching for it is no excuse to give a child a fragile glass object!!! maybe just point out that if its our of her reach in the first place there is probably a good reason for that!! hugs
For me, it's a combination of both. I think that it's great that you're teaching her not to touch things, and giving it a particular phrase is a good idea. For me, it's important that children learn that not everything is fair game for their entertainment, it's a "respect for others" kinda thing. But at the same time, I know I have an occasionally very inquisitive boy, so there are certain things that will always be better put well out of temptation until he's older or well supervised, although it sounds like that's what you'd done with the snowglobe....
I've seen both styles of parenting and both can work. I do a bit of both. The REALLY nice stuff is out of sight, let alone out of reach. The nice but cheapy and not sentimental stuff (and not easy to break!) is in sight and DS can reach these things now. I don't mind him touching IF he asks and we do it together. For the most part I tell him that we look with our eyes, not with our hands. But by letting him touch, supervised, he learns that these "toys" are pretty but boring. You can't build with them. They aren't magnetic. They don't make a noise. Mamma tells you not to put them in your mouth or throw them. Dull. Ignore them.
He is also keen on ownership, so although my things are often lying around, a good way of teaching DS was saying "that's Mamma's phone, would you like your phone?" then swapping them. He knows he doesn't touch my phone now: well, not unless we're out, he's bored and goes through my bag. Then he sits on my knee to play with it (so he doesn't call anyone!). Actually, he's REALLY good with not touching if I tell him it belongs to me or DH. And he doesn't go in cupboards unless he's getting food or putting things away. He does touch some of my books, but only those with bubbles on the cover. He loves reading cleaning books LMAO.
Mum childproofs for him a bit, but not so much any more. He is WAY more likely to attack the fruit bowl than her pretties. Actually, he loves Grandma's antimacassars... but weren't those designed as childproofing tools in the first place?
I started pretty much from birth. There are no precious things ground level. So by the time he was walking, he was too small to reach the mantlepiece so that wasn't a fuss. When he could, and when he could climb to reach the bookshelf in the sitting room, he was able to understand that not everything gets thrown.
BUT he was also a bit of an attached child (his choice!) so he could see these things. If he asked to see them, I would pick it up and remind him that it wasn't a toy before letting him touch. Like knives: he can help me cut things ONLY when I know it's safe. We have safe knives that won't hurt him, but I still do knife safety every time as sometimes he does use sharper objects (such as the apple wedger) that he needs to be careful with.
we're (trying) to do what LZ does - move the obvious stuff out of the way, and then teaching her what is and isn't ok to play with. she is fascinated by the phone - i let her talk on it when i'm talking to daddy or granma, but i always hold it and tell her it's mummy's phone. she likes to look at candle holders - so we look, but tell her they are not for her. we are trying to teach her that she can't have everything just because it appeals to her! having said that, it's taking a lt of teaching - she is a stubborn wench
i think i'd be upset with the grandmother in the OP - no matter how much the baby wanted something - there are things that are ok to show, things that are ok to touch - and some things that are simply TOO dangerous. the snowglobe was up, out of reach. ALL one year olds want to touch things - it doesn't mean it's right. there are so many ways to distract babies.
talk to your MIL. this episode is been and done now - you can't change it - but you can use it as a building block to set limits that she can abide by. make it clear - safety comes first. if something is out of reach, it's out of reach for a reason. if it's dangerous, it doesn't matter how much the baby wants it - she needs to distract her. hopefully you will be able to find out where the snowglobe was purchased and she may be able to replace it. it won't be the same as the original - but it's a thought...
i have to say, i really likeyour idea about not touching "pretties" and i honestly think i will start this with DD (she isnt moving around yet so i still have some time)
DH thinks the same thing as CL, he cant se why we should have to move everything, when we should be able to teach out child not to touch, so we will be doing this also.
I think your MIL was very on the wrong and you have every right so be mad at her. How is it a danger is she physically cant get to it? and it only became a danger when MIL GAVE it to your DD...
I can see both sides. I think what you're doing is fantastic - it works for you (it hasn't worked for me BTW, I just think some kids are good at not touching and some aren't and mine most definitely isn't).
However, I think MIL was just doing what grandmas do. DD wanted to play with something - instead of saying no, MIL thought 'oh we'll be careful, why not.' She probably just didn't want DD to be upset at a no. That's what grandparents do - they indulge their grandkids and they're not always completely sensible. So I'd cut her a bit of slack.
If I was in her shoes, I'd be nervous too because at the end of the day, I'm in someone else's house with breakable stuff and I have cute, adorable DD to look after who wants to play with the breakable stuff and I don't know how to say no.
So I think I'd give MIL a couple of options - tell her that you're fine with her telling DD no or if she feels nervous about potential tantrums/breakages, then offer to put them out of the way the next time she's over.
No-one's being silly here, everyone's just finding their way. Bound to be a couple of hurdles along the way but it sounds like things are generally going great!
Teach them not to touch OR put them away? (oh and a vent)
(Because thats a great idea to give a 12mth old a glass object to play with). So DD picks it up and throws it and it smashes, glass and water and the snow stuff going everywhere on the wooden floor boards in her room!
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I guess it was helpful for my sanity for a couple of months and she was better at understanding then. My stickytape is still a bone of contention between us... 
I have to try much harder to hide things now!
(im very sad about the broken snow globe 
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