dsd was the same at that age, although she was tt already by then, the not eating or sleeping was so frustrating. she was with us 3 days and 2 nights a week and they were ever so frustrating. Most weekends she wouldnt eat the entire time she was with us, every few weekends or so we could manage to get her to eat 'snackies' (cheese, bikkies, dip, nuts - a plate of nibblies) but other than this she just didnt eat. she did it at her mums as well, just not to the same extreme.
Bed time was screaming, crying, carrying on for hours or she would just stick her fingers down her throat and throw up (what she was throwing up we still havent worked out as there was never any food in her) so i had to change the bed and her, get the washing started etc etc and then she would proceed with the tantys. she did grow out of the not eating at 5, and bed became manageable at around 4.
Hugs i do so feel your pain