I'd love to say talking to her works during tantrums but it doesnt, you cant get close enough withoug being hit. I try to tell her to take a deep breath and calm down. When I can finally get to her I do talk calmly and ask her if it was a nice feeling having the tantrum. Of course she says no. Then we have a talk. Still doesnt deter the tantrum behaviour in any way.
I know kids dont know how to express emotions yet. I've studied psych for 3 years so have learnt a lot about it, but it still hasnt helped being in the situation where nothing seems to work. I guess I just needed to vent.
Thanks for the advice girls, and if anything else pops up PLEASE let me know how you dealt with the situation.
I guess my biggest problem is the friction with me and dh. I try and let her dress herself - its obvious its what she wants to do and why we are arguing about it in the morning, but again dh thinks I'm letting her do as she pleases. How else will she learn and its not a big ask on her behalf to want to dress herself. Will have to start getting up a little earlier because she takes so long but again its to be expected.
Some things we are working on well, others we are not. We have a naughty corner, which she doesnt like, but still isnt deterring any behaviour. Consequence led behaviour management isnt working, because the destructiveness has led to her losing her teddies because we cant put them in her room anymore because there is no space and the hole means no more net...... still she did it again once we fixed the hole and got the teddies back in there.
Argh.
TGF Work....... LOL...... I only work pt but without it I think I would be at my absolute wits end by now. At least I can still appreciate some of the time we get together because we have some time apart : )
I think the issues with your dh questioning your parenting might need more exploration. Kids can tell when you're not united and will often play you against each other. Have you both had a discussion about how you would like to handle your dd's behavior?
it's so hard but even harder if you're parenting without support.
It's a trying time...they will all push the boundaries, which is perfectly normal behaviour - they have to figure out what they can and can't get away with and go from there. The key, I have found, is to be consistent. Sounds like a cliche cop out, but it's really not - find age-appropriate punishments that she understands and that are effective - whether it's taking toys away, no treats, no DVD's etc - and add in age-appropriate rewards for good behaviour as well. Special trips to the park (a different one to usual or something) or a new hairclip next time you're at the shops - whatever you know is going to grab her attention that isn't necessarily costing you money, but has incentive for her. Whatever you choose to do on both sides of the coin, though, you have to be consistent - don't do it once or twice and then change or give up, KEEP doing it. Kids need and want boundaries and need discipline, but if you constantly change the line in the sand they get frustrated and the behaviour becomes worse.
Positive reinforcement and praise is huge - all day force yourself to almost be over the top and encourage her almost by reverse psych - she may not be doing what you want yet, but say 'oh mummy LOVES it when you help with this - it makes me SO happy' etc etc. Kids are eager to please, even when they're going through trying times. She should be at the age, too, where you can explain to her that when she is a good girl and does xy&z, it makes mum and dad really feel happy, but it makes you sad when she doesn't listen etc, but not during a tantrum - they can't seem to reason when they're in the middle of a little rage. As for the language - the best solution is not to swear in front of them and try to get grandparents etc to do the same, and then discourage and deal with what she's already learnt. It can take a little while to curb your language completely in front of kids, but after time it becomes second nature and it's easier than the embarassment of having them drop F-bombs in public
I think encouraging her to take more responsibility in dressing herself etc is a great idea - she's not too young. You will find it easier to get her to take more responsibility to clean up toys etc if you start treating her like she's a big girl and can do things for herself. While she's dressing herself, do the whole positive praise thing and say 'mummy's so proud of you for dressing yourself! What a big girl! And big girls can help with lots of other things too - like helping mummy with the washing (as an example, get her to pass you washing while you peg it - my 16 month old does this and loves the praise he gets ) and helping mummy pick up the toys etc etc' Remember positive reinforcement is almost more powerful than any punishment you give, especially at this age - they WANT to please you, but there's a conflict on the inside where they also have the in-built need to test everything.
I'm sure you know a lot of this or have tried it in some way, but this is what has worked for me with my 3 so far - my 16 month old is going through this same stage now. But my older two are my proof enough to remind me every time he throws himself on the floor that if I just keep going it will work eventually - they are in primary school now and both regularly get awards for their behaviour and the teachers consider them 2 of the best behaved kids in the school, so if you're persistent it pays off! Good luck with it all!
Are you talking about my DD1 all of the above ticked if you find an answer please tell me. Oh and add to that she wants to be carried like a baby again
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) and helping mummy pick up the toys etc etc' Remember positive reinforcement is almost more powerful than any punishment you give, especially at this age - they WANT to please you, but there's a conflict on the inside where they also have the in-built need to test everything.
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