Is there anyone who does not use Santa?

[Moi]

Hi all, I'm just wondering if there is anyone who has not used Santa and if so how did you go about Christmas time and gift giving. I've decided I don't want to use Santa for giving DD gifts at Christmas time, but I feel very much peer pressured to do so since everyone else uses him. It's not that I am against using Santa. It's that I don't think he's necessary for children to enjoy Christmas time. Thanks.

[toomanyshoes]

We use santa so I don't really have any suggestions but I did want to say don't feel pressured, as with everything you need to do what works for your family

hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas

[Moi]

Thanks toomanyshoes. I just worry that my DD will spoil it for other children, whose parents won't be happy with me then. :-|

Just Me - It sounds like you are taking a similar approach to me at the moment. I am not telling DD that Santa doesn't exist, but I'm also not telling her that he does exist. My DD has also seen Santas about this year and she asks me who they are. I just tell her that they are Santa, but don't go on to say "and he's not real". One idea my DH had was to tell her that other children receive gifts from Santa but we wanted to give her gifts from ourselves. I wonder if she'll then be sad that Santa doesn't give her gifts though. The hard part for me is that we spend Christmas with DHs family and we have two nieces who are all into Christmas and Santa. So it just seems expected that our DD will also believe.

[BeautifulMadness]

I think its totally up to you and you're family, if you want use santa in that way, i think its cool. dont worry abt other parents stuff em.

[toomanyshoes]

Not to offend anyone but I treat it the same way as religion. DS always come's home asking about "god" and I explain to him that some people believe in it and others don't but both beliefs are right.

We've had to deal with the "so and so said santa isn't real" and I've explained it the same way.

[Persephone1]

It's too early for us but we're not planning on having a Santa at our Christmas celebrations. At the most we might refer to Santa in Christmas stories (like the Night Before Christmas) but he'll be a minor aspect of Christmas. We're also not religious, so Santa might be one aspect, and Jesus might be another, and together they can be "beliefs that some people have" but that we don't.

I see Santa and the Tooth Fairy in the same light - not as a "lie" as such, but as another story. I don't feel comfortable telling my son things like "Santa doesn't visit children who are bad."

I expect we'll have some opposition from peers and family, and there will be some challenges when DS works out that other families have Santa and we don't. But again, we don't follow a religion either, so we'll be having similar discussions about Jesus, etc.

[Just Me]

Thanks toomanyshoes. I just worry that my DD will spoil it for other children, whose parents won't be happy with me then. :-|

Just Me - It sounds like you are taking a similar approach to me at the moment. I am not telling DD that Santa doesn't exist, but I'm also not telling her that he does exist. My DD has also seen Santas about this year and she asks me who they are. I just tell her that they are Santa, but don't go on to say "and he's not real". One idea my DH had was to tell her that other children receive gifts from Santa but we wanted to give her gifts from ourselves. I wonder if she'll then be sad that Santa doesn't give her gifts though. The hard part for me is that we spend Christmas with DHs family and we have two nieces who are all into Christmas and Santa. So it just seems expected that our DD will also believe.

Extended family make it more difficult especially when they do things very differently and you spend Christmas day with them. I grew up knowing Santa wasn't real so I never felt sad that I didn't get presents from him. Strangely though, we still left cookies and coke for Santa though we knew that Mum and Dad ate it all after we went to bed.

I think you will find a way to do it the way you want to. You can only deal with issues as they come up - be aware of things that could create problems but some of those things may never eventuate into issues. It's just good to be prepared if they do.

[Just Me]

We don't do Santa here - it hasn't really been an issue yet though because none of my kids go to daycare or kindy yet. They are home full time with me and when we do go to playtime and other places the other kids all seem a bit oblivious at this age. Though last night we were in the shopping centre and they had Santa's chair all set up for him (he wasn't there) but DD1 had a lot of questions. We talked about Santa - I didn't say that he wasn't real, because I think that might be a hard thing for her to grasp when she starts school the not telling other kids that he doesn't exist. I just said that some people believe that Santa brings all the presents on Christmas. I asked her where she thinks her presents come from and she said Mummy and Daddy. It doesn't really bother me what she believes. I don't want to go out of my way to bring Santa into Christmas for us, but I don't want to go out of my way to stress the non-existence of Santa either. I am trying to stay fairly neutral. Santa can be a lot of fun and I don't mind them enjoying that aspect of Christmas either but I don't want to go all out.

I have other friends who put one small present under the tree from Santa every year for their kids and the kids know that the rest of the presents come from them. I think that is a nice alternative too if you don't want to go full blown Santa for Christmas.

Personally, I think he is too difficult to avoid entirely and there can be social issues with kids as they get older when all their friends believe in him and they don't so I guess I am trying to find a balance.

[Swoop]

Just me, I love the sound of your Christmas! I hope I remember some of this next year when DD is a little bit older.

[Honeybee]

We have decided not to do santa either. Well, I have decided and DH is going along with it. I don't think he'd care either way.

The only reason I wont be using Santa is that I cannot bring myself to lie to my child.

- that's pretty much my thinking. DS has seen santa around, and he found 'the night before Christmas' story, so I read that to him. I figure it's not a problem - I don't have to tell him that Peter Rabbit isn't real when I read him that story. I just will never tell him that santa is a real person who brings him his Christmas presents, because it isn't true.

When he's older I will tell him that some people like to pretend that santa is real for fun, and if he wants to pretend that's OK. Same thing with the Easter Bunny. I'll also tell him that some kids really do believe it, and we shouldn't spoil it for them.

I don't mind Christmas being a big thing, he's very excited about putting up the tree and I think that is really sweet. I've also told him that we all buy presents for each other, he's just got the concept of presents and he's excited about that too. I've tried to focus a bit on giving to others as well, but hey, he's a little kid so I'm happy for him to have lots of pressies and have a wild Christmas morning.

I love some of the ideas in this thread, will think about introducing some when he's a bit older. I love the Christmas as a big month-long festival, we have so few community celebrations in our society, and I think they're important, whatever meaning you attribute to them.

[widdly]

DS believes that Santa is the one who comes and leaves all the presents and I will leave it that way til he starts asking questions. I am not going to lie to him about it. I have a little plan for when he comes home from school and says that a kid told him santa isnt real, Im just gonna say, well what do you think? If he says yes santa is real, then I will tell him to ignore the nay sayers, if he says he thinks santa isnt real, then i will explain that he is pretend, mum buys all the presents, but he must pretend that he is real for the little kids.

I love the month long christmas celebration idea!!

[Moi]

Just Me - Thanks for sharing your advent calender events. Such a fantastic idea.

And thanks everyone for your feedback. Until I started this thread I thought I was totally alone in my thinking, but now know there are others out there who feel the same way.

[CrazyCat]

If we ever asked about santa, mum would say that she picks the presents and gives santa the money, and he buys and delivers them christmas eve. lol =P

[NaeNae]

I have not read through all the replies but I just wanted to touch on something that has stuck with me from my childhood. We grew up believing in Santa (not to mention other things) and I will NEVER forget the night my beliefs were shattered.
Mum and Dad always said "believe what you want" BUT placed emphasis on Santa/Easter Bunny etc.
It was Easter and dad woke me up accidently but leaving easter eggs in my room ... I was devasted. One because my beliefs were FALSE there was no such thing as Santa/Easter bunny etc and the WORST thing was knowing Mum and Dad LIED to us .... even though they said to believe what we wanted, they indirectly encouraged and fueled our beliefs in the make believe.
I really cannot convey how it affected us but I remember feeling so hurt and betrayed.
I know its hard but I would go all or nothing, I am not sure what we will teach our children, might need to discuss this with DH.

One Question ... how do you tell extended family what yuo are and aren't doing? I know my parents (MUM) will put extra emphasis on Santa but I just would hate for Shae to feel what I felt all those years ago.

[widdly]

Yep, I was quite old when my Mum finally told me they weren't real, I was absolutely shattered that santa was fake Christmas lost all its magic, BUT while I did believe in santa xmas was mega exciting, so I like that i believed for a while.

[tinkerbelle]

Gosh.. I myself have had this discussion with DH and he has made me feel so guilty about not wanting to bring our children up to believe in Santa.. For various reasons, partly religious, and partly other reasons, I just could not bring myself to indulge my children in this fantasy.. so at the current time, hubby and I have a very 'soured' compromise that he will teach them about Santa if he wants to, but he cannot expect me to support this belief when I feel uncomfortable about it.. so Ive told DH that if the children come to me to ask questions about Santa or want to talk about Santa, that I will be telling them to go and ask their Dad about it. and if they ask me if Santa is real, I will ask them what they think without giving them an answer either way.. - hubby is not happy at all.. !!
And gosh, it will be considered an absolute crime by my in laws when they find out I want nothing to do with Santa.. Im not looking forward to that day!!
I would also love ideas on how to compromise on this issue if anyone has any..

[tinkerbelle]

Oh and Nae Nae - I can totally relate!! Thats exactly how I felt when I found out Santa was not real - my whole reality shattered and I could not believe my parents would lie to me.. Mum still says to this day I would not have been old enough to think such thoughts.. but I can clearly remember how I felt and what I thought!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I desperately did not want Santa. I hate Santa. I hate the whole "god of winter" thing and the materialism and judgement.

I hate even more that a woman at Liebling's childcare - one of the workers - has told him that unless he gets perfectly toilet trained then "Father Christmas won't give you any presents because you are naughty." They had a Santa at Childcare and Liebs was so surprised when his name was called... I am VERY not happy with this woman!

DH likes Santa. My sister makes a big thing of Santa, despite me telling her we don't do that.

I have compromised and said that gifts are fine; DS likes giving. I am willing to tell DS the story of St Nicholas and The Night Before Christmas as well. I am happy to explain the traditions of the stocking by the fire. I will also explain that Nicholas is long-dead and it's just a rememberance.

We make Christmas about the birth of Jesus. Which fair enough, it isn't. I mean, shepherds watching their flocks by night all seated on the ground in the bleak midwinter would be very foolish. If not all dead the next day. But when the world is dark, we remember that Jesus is the light of the world. (This also means I can sing carols from September, as Jesus was probably born around then.) And his being born was a miracle. We also remember that Christmas without Easter is meaningless. For advent, DS hangs a star on the tree every day, thanking God for something as he does so. Which is the reason why we put our tree up on the last Saturday of November.

One final point - Leibs will be told that "Santa Claus" is from the Spanish and another name for Nicholas. I don't even use Saint Nicholas: I don't call my husband Saint Ambassador. "Saint" is just one of the early words for "Christian". I disagree with "Father Christmas" more - the Father of Christmas would be the father of Christ... I'm fairly sure that the Almighty doesn't deliver Lego. (Although thank You God that we have Lego, which is a great fun toy and encourages hand-eye co-ordination and creativity, and thank You for giving us the means to buy Lego.)