Toy guns - OK or not??

[MummyNaomi]

I'll throw a cat amongst the pigeons here, I have a DS and I dont mind if he has toy guns when he is older.

I agree with Rouge - I really think its more about the message you give/teach about guns/war/shooting etc, than the actual props they use.

Mind you I grew up with two brothers, so games with guns, eg cowboys and indians, and star wars (guns,light sabers etc) were common, and neither of them turned out to be cold blooded killers; they are two caring, mild mannered and respectable members of society

[tan32]

i don't allow guns in my house either,
The kids do have water pistols and have a ball with them.
My DS being 6 makes fighting noises etc but no guns. My DD had a gun when she was little and pointed it at me, it made me feel sick and i was actually scared, so from that point on no guns allowed.
I think its more the act of threatening someone then the gun itself that i don't like

[Chamberry]

DS uses pegs and makes a pish pish sound. I dont take much notice of it, that being said though I wouldnt encourage him by buying a toy gun.

[Inanna]

I understand your concern Leesa.

My home is a gun free zone also... I have always talked openly about the pain that guns cause. That they are used to kill people, animals & cause sadness. Then to talk about... "how would it feel", "what do you think" etc etc. I have had that discussion almost monthly for the past 14 years almost! I talk about that there are children in some countries right now actually being shot - so it's not really a game huh?... My children attend a school that is very rooted in peace & non violence in communication and action. So this is reinforced at school also.

I find the whole "cowboys & Indians" thing disturbing & insidiously racist... So it's not encouraged here & in fact is discussed regularly too...

[Queen]

I am not a fan.

[clare076]

so just out of interest, why is it ok to have a toy shaped as a gun, that you can press the trigger in the same action as a gun, aim it at people and shoot them like a gun(yes I understand its water but the intention is exactly the same) but its not ok to have a toy gun????? Aren't you confusing your children by telling them its ok to play with one type of gun but not with another? Surely if your intention is to stop the violent play in the first place you would ban all types of gun play including water pistols, not just the ones that you feel is percieved as more violent then another. I mean yeah they are water pistols but you are still allowing your child to take aim at another person and pull a trigger aren't you?

Sorry I am not trying to start arguments, I dont have gun play in my house either, but thats all types of gun play. I think it would be quite confusing for a child to be told they cant have a toy gun, but they can shoot people with a toy water pistol.

[Inanna]

I feel the same Clare. I personally don't have any guns be they water or other kinds. I am often confused by this as well...

[Phteven]

TBH I'm not all that concerned about play violence, just so long as no-one really gets hurt I don't see the harm in exploring the less savoury aspects of humanity via play. The boys were playing guns last week which opened the channels for a long talk about who owns guns and why they own them and what we and they think is appropriate in society. Personally I would rather not censor my boys' play - if they want to play at shooting guns so be it. I don't much like toy guns and won't buy them because that's all they can be. With a bit of imagination a stick can be a wand, a gun, a sceptre, a sword etc but a toy gun can't ever really be anything but a gun. A water pistol can't be anything but a gun either but a water fight in summer is a delicious way to pass the time so I'm prepared to overlook the unimaginative aspect and prepare an ambush.
ITA re the Cowboys and Indians but I would like to think that if my boys ever played at Cowboys and Indians rather than just telling them not to that we would be able to talk about the history of the USA and that they themselves would choose not to play or to re-create it in a more accurate and resectful way.

[BhoysGirl]

I have no intention of buying guns for DS, although I do expect that at some stage in his childhood he will role-play the concept, cos I know we did exactly the same as kids, and then we all grew out of it. I guess my feeling is that guns aren't bad per se, it's what the people holding them do that can be the problem, so it will be about finding the balance between letting imagination develop alongside raising a thoughtful, responsible kid. And I have to admit to a slight double standard - somewhere along the line my brother was given a cap gun (despite my mother's adament anti-gun stance), and I loved it - made the best noise ever.

[~Raven~]

It doesn't bother me that my boys mimic what they see on TV (on cartoons BTW!) by shooting things. Yes there is implied violence but there is actually no physical contact. I'd prefer this to kicking the hell out of each other after watching Kungfu Panda which I have had to hide, but that's another thread

We have water pistols and nurf guns. They also use pencils and make them out of lego. Don't have an actual gun toy though.

[tropicalmummy]

well i remember growing up and my mother wouldnt allow my younger brother to play with toy guns(water pistols allowed seems a bit backwards to me) my brother always told my mum he wasnt hurting anyone and when he grew up he was gonna be in the army he admired his grandfather so much(although we was warrant officer of discipline in raf)

well my brother grew up... at seventeen joined the australian army and is now on his 4th deployment as an infantry soldier....

my 10 and 6yr old daughters admire him so does my 3yr old son....they regularly see him in photos with his gear on, my son plays with toy guns its a learning curve...

3yr old son says all the time (when i grow up im gonna be in the army and shoot the bad guys over there)

if my children are to grow up in a world like ours i want them to use their brains in the real world... they know guns kill....but i would rather them be ambitious from being around men in the military then learning to kills from super hereo movies, kids cartoons and the news...my daughter is ten and cant believe 90yr old women get attacked in their beds or that children get abducted from cars.....how can i explain that....

i think in the end its about teaching kids how and what guns get used for...in all aspects

im proud of my brother, and i will be proud of my son if he goes to war and uses guns...

id rather my kids run around my house shooting each other yelling and arguing and learning to resolve those arguments than to sit my kids at the tv or computer screen so they can watch and learn about unrealistic violance...and have them still living at home at 19yrsbeing a high-school drop-out, pale from no sunlight,anti social from online gaming till all hours of the night and being taken to the gp for anxiety problems....it happens to alot of kids....it ahppened to my brother-in law

sorry if anyone feel like i spoke too much, but so many people are biased...

[Lisa]

My children have never been allowed to have guns... everyone would buy my older children water guns though and that sucked. They would use their water guns at their Nan & Grandpa's house but at home it was the water spray bottles they used on hot days.
My 15yr old DS bought himself a cap gun a few months ago to try out, just because he never had one growing up and was curious about it. It was awful, it looked so much like a real gun and we made him throw it out... he wasn't bothered by it, he thought it was boring and was worried someone out there might think it was a real gun.

[Inanna]

I also agree very heartily with those that have said how discussion & perhaps parallels need to be used... I do this as part of our day with lots of stuff. I think it's important to always challenge beliefs and stories that kids "write" around things... As well as the same for us adults!

I personally (& I understand & respect the differences in opinion) see weapons as an object that takes a life. It is a menacing thing to have a gun pointed at you - even a toy one. It's intimidating and powerful. I try & encourage the use of words... Rather than the use of a lethal weapon - use words...

I too agree that the use of props and imagination is absolutely necessary in childrens play & thus their learning & exploring of an environment. However, without challenge & interjection of suggestion & discussion sometimes play can often just be bang bang you're dead...

It's like a child smacking a doll... You can leave it and sometimes that's best as they are learning! However, "how else do Mamas teach babies another way"?

So, for me (& we all have our way) banning a toy without the explaination, example & teaching is a little lost.

Our Dada (the principle who is a Monk) at our school will crouch & tell a story about killing, or shooting or maiming that he has perhaps witnessed, or known when he comes across "gun play"...
The same with the cowboys and Indians thing... It's a learning tool & it instills another way of being or thinking in children. (I think). It can be a way to teach about the incidiousness of racisim - of oppression etc..

This is such an interesting discussion!

[Trillian]

I haven't read all the posts so this is just my take on it and not a reply to anyone. I would feel just as menaced and just as threatened by someone if they were holding a gun, knife, bat, syringe or lump of 4x2 - ANYTHING can be used as a weapon to kill or injure another person - make no mistake about that. But I am not about to stop my kids from playing cricket, golf, tennis, Doctors or anything else that would introduce those play items because that would be, well, ridiculous.

When we were kids we would play cops and robbers, cowboys and indians, armies, star wars, the works. We all had fabulous imaginations and played creatively all the time as kids and I think that was due largely to the fact that our parents never stiffled us by saying we couldn't do this and couldn't do that. True that it is a different society today where gun crime is rife but the message stays the same. Kids will still play 'guns' with anything that to them looks like a gun so if you don't want them playing 'guns' at all you will have to shelter them from anything that will teach them the concept of 'guns' in the first place kwim?

Personally I don't mind. We have had toy guns in the house and we own several guns that we use on our property to control vermin and put down animals so our kids know that guns are used - never in front of them though. But it comes down to us educating them so that they know to play is OK, but that guns can and do hurt and kill people. By taking the guns out of the equation completely you aren't really teaching them anything I don't think (again this is my personal opinion only and based on what I have experienced so far as a parent) because they will want to see what the fuss is all about and this could drive them to want one kwim? We've had those nerf dart guns and they are awesome fun to play with, we set up targets to shoot (because it is a legitimate sport too you know) or we shoot those sticky darts at the ceiling and stuff like that. Now some will probably get all huffy because I think it is fun to play that type of game with my kids and generally don't mind play like that, but does that make those of us who allow it crap parents? It's not a lot different to letting girls play with Barbies and the like - I think it's fine so long as a good dose of education goes along with it if the issue ever arrises but some parents bar them completely and thats fine, it is their perogative as parents to do so.

And don't forget the saying, 'guns don't kill people, people kill people' and I think it's important to remember that.

[Spring Angel]

I'm really undecided about how I feel about this topic. Dh has for his entire adult life worked with firearms in different capacities. My father is also a primary producer who has always had a firearm in arms reach whilst on the property. Because I was going to be around them was taught to use a firearm as a youngster and Dad taught us to respect them. Dh has bought ds play guns but as yet I've not let him play with them. In some ways it doesn't seem right to let ds play with them but in other ways DS will be around real weapons as he grows. I don't really see the difference between water guns, making a gun with hands or toy guns. I think if you teach your children need to learn to respect weapons and learn safety early on.

I guess I remain undecided.

[mbear]

Boys, girls...they're still going to use their hands, sticks, a old coke bottle...you dont need to buy the children a gun...they're going to find something they can use to reflect one...
so to answer your original query...toy guns, ok or not? I would never go out and buy my son a toy gun....but thats not gonna stop him....i think the important thing here is, like others have said

I think if you teach your children need to learn to respect weapons and learn safety early on.

[Inertia]

This is always going to be a contentious subject because no matter which way you swing it, someone runs a risk of feeling judged. Both sides have merit, but all parent will discover the day that their first child starts school that the ideal of control every aspect of your childs upbringing is an illusion.

I am not going to repeat what Trillian and Inanna have written better than I ever could, but I will add a final point of view to consider.

Think of it from the perspective of a teen. Childrens logic centres (frontal lobe) is not fully developed so everything is taken in and judged at an emotional level. By removing the toy/show, you are saying to a child that I have already pre-judged you as an inherently violent person incapable of making reasonable choices in your life. And everyone knows with teens that the more you fight against it, the harder they will fight to do it. When it comes to drugs and alcohol we don't just say "No, thats it. No discussion, you will do as you are told" because we KNOW that will make them want to do it more. You discuss it with them reasonably. We don't need to wait for them to be teens to do that.

You could also be saying "I as a parent am incapable of guiding my children through life as it is and creating young adults who are capable of understanding right from wrong".

Again, no judgements - just some food for thought. I know we are all doing our very best for our children.

[AnyDream]

No toy guns here - and my kids/visitors are not allowed to pretend to "shoot" one another using fingers, sticks, lego or any thing else.

However I have a little bit of a double standard since DD1 had a toy sword after the age of about 7 yo (associated with a dress-ups & as a bellydancing prop). She mostly pranced around waving it and doing fancy foot work rather than ever attempting to chop other children with it...although we put it away a few times when our friends who have 3 boys came and stayed with us .

ETA- Tropicalmum - my DH has been deployed in a warzone, and we have always emphasised the Peacekeeping and the Reconstruction aspects of his job - rather than talking about "fighting a war" or "the enemies/bad guys". To me it's a very sad fact of life that we even need to have Armed Forces - and I think we can pay our respect and be thankful for what has been done by veterans without making it seem like a glamorous thing to do with your life. The sad truth is that many members pay very heavily (in their personal lives) for their service.