You are not a failure xx

I can relate to so much of what you have written.

My DH is a business owner and works long hours so that I can stay home with the kids. Mine are 23 months apart and honestly, the first 3 years with DD was HARD. My DS was at an age where he didn't understand/care, very egocentric. DD had reflux, I was sleep deprived and the end was not possibly in sight.

I remember saying to DH that if I had have realised how much stress this was, I wouldn't have had kids....

BUT now they are 4 and 6 and it is so much better! At some point the sleep sorts itself out, with better sleep the light is in sight and things are easier to manage.

I know this doesn't help you right now, I just want to let you know that it will get better xx

In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. When bub is down for a rest, do something quiet with DD, even if it is TV for her and a nap on the lounge for you. Anything that means you rest.

Don't stress about the house and anything else. That can wait - it will wait. Speak to your DH about how hard things are right now. I did that with mine and he took over things like folding washing, mopping floors etc while I got the basics done - bathrooms, kitchen etc. I don't think I made a bed in over a year when DD was a baby (changed yes, but made nope).

More than anything, on the days that DH is off, ask for time to have a catch up nap. Time for just you. If your kids are having a day where there is lots of whinging, crying etc. don't feel guilty about putting in some ear buds and listening to some music. You are still there, can still meet needs - it's just quieter.

It'll get better honey xxx