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Thread: UNSURE

  1. #1

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    Default UNSURE

    Yesterday (night about 10pm) my bf (father of bubs) went in the room and moved my son from the bed to the cot, in doing this he woke my bubba up. Bubs was then unsettled and crying so bf came out to me and said take him beofre i throw him across the room. Then later in bed he said, "i don't think he likes me, and I can't settle him. It makes me just wanna squeeze the s**t out of him." I don't think my bf would do anything, but it has got me kinda scared. What would you do?


  2. #2

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    I would definately let your boyfriend know in no uncertain terms that it is completely inappropriate to be talking like that about your baby. It can be frustrating learning how to settle a baby.....it takes time and patience but threatening violence especially towards a baby is NEVER ok. Maybe talk to your Mum or someone close to you. All the best.

    Jo

  3. #3

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    That must have been a scary thing to hear...but on the other hand it's good that your BF voiced what he was feeling. I would recommed you either discuss it with him (his feelings about being a father, why he thinks his son doesn't like him etc.) or get him to talk to someone else about it - obviously he needs to express the anger he feels in some way, and quite obviously this would be talking with a mature adult, and not taking it out on an innocent child who really has no clue about what he's doing.
    Do his comments scare you simply because their content, or because you get the feeling he *might* some day do something even though you can't really imagine it happening?

  4. #4

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    How long was he crying for before bf had that reaction?

    Personally if my DH had that kind of reaction I would be a bit concerned about it and discuss with him why he feels that way? Preferably when he was calm.

  5. #5

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    I just want to bring up a thread where we recently talked about negative feelings towards baby, where everyone said it was pretty normal to feel frustrated and have thoughts about hurting baby, but never actually doing it.
    http://bellybelly.com.au/forums/showthread.php?t=25898

    I'm just wondering if you feel that this is a case of that, where your partner is just voicing his frustration, or if you actually feel that he is quite capable of crossing the line and hurting your baby. If its the latter, then I would be vigilant about removing your baby from his care when he's crying, or at least asking your partner how he is feeling at the time. As Sam asked, was he crying for a long time, or just a short time? This might be an indicator to you of how easily/quickly he becomes frustrated and angry.

  6. #6

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    I think it is easy for someone to feel this way in such a confusing time. However I also think anytime that someone thinks that way it should be taken seriously. I would talk to him about how it is hard for you as well and that you are learning together ..perhaps praise him for the little things he does with the bubs make him feel useful.

    If you believe that he is truely frustrated I would be careful with leaving the bubs with him . Although I am sure he is a wonderful person , young babies can really challange us and make us feel hopeless sometimes.

    I hope it all settles down soon for you .

  7. #7

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    I agree with the other advice. I would also try to help him learn how to settle the baby. Show him positions the bub likes to be held in, how to rock him etc. Also explain that the bub picks up on stress so it's important to be calm and relaxed when holding him.

    I am sure that as the bub gets older and interacts with bf it will be easier for him. Dads can find it hard when bub is little and they feel out of control. When bub starts smiling at them it usually gets a lot easier. Good luck.

  8. #8

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    Hi, just want to let you know that its not just your baby that wont settle hor your bf. Charlotte only in the last 1 month has let dh hold her without her crying, he used to get fustrated. He needs to show your baby that he can be calm as babies will pick up on this, and it will get better

  9. #9

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    Wow theyre some pretty big words but do you think he could really do it?
    I know my DH has said in the past that Jesse wont settle with him no more and then the next week he does settle with DH but not me. I make a point to say to DH see he does settle with you (which makes him feel better), he just goes through different phases and times that i dont think it matters who holds him, hes just over tired and cant settle. But it can be frustrating and upsetting i know when all you want to do is be able to settle your bubs and you cant. When i start getting frustrated i just hand Jesse to DH and maybe you should just say to your BF (in a nice way of course), when you feel like that come and get me and ill take over and visa versa. But trust me it does get better.. i bet he finds next week that he'll have no problems

  10. #10
    NewmumLou Guest

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    Yikes! I dont blame you for being afraid for your child. I think everyone has stressful moments, your BF has to learn to walk away from the situation before it gets to that heated moment.

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