What is a babymoon?

[Cherished]

ladybirdflies what a great post, that is what I have imagined our babymoon to be like. DH, bubs and I together for 2 months! Just the 3 of us, no plans involving other people, just us bonding as a family, hopefully in my dream world it will all go smoothly but there will still be the bonding even with sleepless nights and any challenges that may come up. Other family and friends will only be coming over if we feel like it on the day as we aren't going to be committing to any visitors in advance just in case the night before was rough or we just don't feel like seeing anyone... I guess for us the babymoon is about making those 1st 2 months as magical and special as they can be

[MantaRay]

It's true that the early weeks with a new baby generally do not turn out to be the blissful time we imagine they will be! However, I think the problem is exactly that we don't allow mums to just be mums for a while. We expect that babies can and should fit into family schedules, that soon they will sleep through the night, that they will feed to a schedule and that life can soon go on as normal. Those of us who have been there know all to well that it's just not like that!! Babies are born needing to feed frequently. They need to be held constantly and reassured as they adjust to life in a big and scary world (compared to the safe and cosy uterus!). Sometimes they have reflux or other pain from their birth experience. Life in the first weeks and sometimes even months is really hard.

Wouldn't it be great if we did all get a babymoon? If family and friends, the parents' workplaces, neighbours etc all expected nothing of the couple until the baby was a bit older, and the community all stepped in and helped by leaving meals on the doorstep (so to speak), and offering all sorts of practical help. Wouldn't that make life so much easier for all new famillies?

[Mad Scientist]

It's true that the early weeks with a new baby generally do not turn out to be the blissful time we imagine they will be! However, I think the problem is exactly that we don't allow mums to just be mums for a while. We expect that babies can and should fit into family schedules, that soon they will sleep through the night, that they will feed to a schedule and that life can soon go on as normal. Those of us who have been there know all to well that it's just not like that!! Babies are born needing to feed frequently. They need to be held constantly and reassured as they adjust to life in a big and scary world (compared to the safe and cosy uterus!). Sometimes they have reflux or other pain from their birth experience. Life in the first weeks and sometimes even months is really hard.

Wouldn't it be great if we did all get a babymoon? If family and friends, the parents' workplaces, neighbours etc all expected nothing of the couple until the baby was a bit older, and the community all stepped in and helped by leaving meals on the doorstep (so to speak), and offering all sorts of practical help. Wouldn't that make life so much easier for all new famillies?

It would be heaven mantaray. To be allowed to do that without guilt or expectation placed on you. Sure, people can say don't take any notice of other people and their expectations but most of the time it is impossible to do. First time around, I ended up with PND because I expected too much of myself. Second time around, I took all the help offered (which wasn't a whole community, just my MIL, stepmum and sisters, but it was enough) and it made it so much easier to cope. I do remember having a couple of days babymoon with both girls though. It was moments of pure bliss. But it was definitely only a couple of days, before reality set in
I try now to offer as much help as I can to my friends and family that have new babies but often people are too proud to accept it. I still cook meals for them though and anything that I can do without being intrusive. I'm glad I learnt my hard lesson the first time around. PND terrified me into accepting help with DD2. It's a shame that it took that for me to accept that I couldn't do it all myself and that it was ok for me to sit back and let other people do things.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I've also heard of it in the context of a PRE-baby holiday, a last holiday for Mum & Dad, before kids come along, just to enjoy and reconnect with each other before their new journey starts.

[rachm]

I have also heard it referred to as the last holiday you have before bubs is born

[Mr Squidipa]

well at least i know what it means now it is very nice cool

[ladybirdflies]

Isn't it interesting that there is this pressure to come back out into the world, to be 'normal' again as quick as you can. Which is all well and good, but it does not have to be the only way. I have done this with my two previous children, up and out within a few days, and I KNOW that this contributed to the length of recovery, the feelings of being inadequate and totally connected to how unsettled my babies were. With this last babe, we actually kept her in our bedroom for two weeks, a majority of this time I spent in there with her, there were a few reasons for this, too many to list, but this really allowed me to sit in the quiet with her, find our rhythm and for her to come into the world nice and slowly without too much stimulation. Totally made possible by an incredible support system. FOr the older children they could continue their day to day living without having to be asked a gazillion times to be quiet, and also when they came in to see her, there is always that quiet sense when you go into the bedroom. This baby settled quicker then any baby I have had, she never cried for hours on end like the first two with that unexplained colic cry. But for me, I had no time constraints, no need to hurry and get somewhere, and I was able to truly be there in the moment and get to know our rhythm. But also, i was no tempted to get up and do stuff as I couldn't see what was going on out there haha! THis experience has been so wonderful for our family and our extended family to see how birth does not have to be a certain way. Most people in my past have offered to come and hold the baby so I can get my jobs done, and now we have them come to do the jobs so I can sit and stare at my baby, and be with her. Funny how we see it as a challenge to ask for that to happen. Newborn time is so small compared to our lives, like a dot in the timeline of life, and having the support and vision to be able to do this has certainly attributed to an easy transition into a family of five.
If you feel that the above is too much for you to do, look at what things you can ask of people when they offer help. A meal is ALWAYS a winner, better then a bonds suit or toys, so when they ask what they can get, a meal a meal!!! When people come to visit, let them get you a cuppa, I have friends who have labelled their kitchen cupboards so guests can come in and help themselves to tea coffee etc!
Anyway, lets encourage the new mummas to be with their bubs if that is the impulse they feel... And when my mother was struggling with us not handing the new baby around for cuddles, I needed the reminder from my close friends about our vision of keeping her close to us during the babymoon, there will be plenty of time for them to be passed around with time!