Mel - big , it's awful when you feel like your baby doesn't like you, especially when we love them so much.

I'm just thinking aloud here, not making any judgements at all, but when he goes to day care he's probably really "busy" all day, with lots of different activities & a degree of structure for his day - ie fixed meal times, fixed quiet times (aka sleep times, but not if you're my DS apparently). So, are there any activities that his carers could pinpoint that he particularly likes to do, and would these be replicable for home? I don't mean an exhaustive list of things to do, but maybe just one or two ideas that you could set up and spend 20-30 minutes of each day happily playing at, so at least you get some time when he's not being a cranky pants.

I've also been reading Elizabeth Pantley's no Cry Discipline solution book, which has dedicated sections on "whinging", plus lots of other things, and I've found it to have some really useful ideas that suit my style of parenting. Things like announcing to them that you can't understand them when they use their whinging voice, and that you'll only be able to understand their polite/happy voice (ok, might be a bit beyond A just now, but he's getting there), setting a timer & allowing fussing for 3 minutes, then it's over & they have to get on with it, validating feelings, trying to find the reason & solving the problem, praising success, and not holding a grudge are some of her points. Obviously, these things are always logical in a book, and never quite so easy when it's actually happening to you.

And at the end of the day, he will know that you love him, and he does love you back, even if he doesn't quite show it in the way that you'd like him to. As he gets better at explaining himself I'm sure it will get easier. It's just tough now.