What did YOUR parents do that helped you after the birth?

[Livinthedream]

note to grandparents:- please don't assume everything is ok. Even the strongest person at sometime in their life may need a little help and sometimes a little help goes a long way.

yes this.

[Artechim]

Even a text message to see how we were doing would have been nice.

[Roryrory]

I think the best thing any parent can do is be EXTREMELY positive. Say nothing but lovely things - you're doing a great job, you are a great mum, your baby is lucky to have such great parents, you have chosen such a lovely pram, etc etc. Be supportive, bite your tongue if you don't approve, etc.

[grub17]

not living near them, they came a few days after bubs was born. they DIDN't stay with us, nor ask to... which was very appreciated.

they just mucked in and helped. cooked, cleaned, walked the dog, took the bins out. They just treated my home like theirs, not like they were on holiday to 'care for the baby'. They really looked after DH and I and let us find our feet with a new baby. and they also gave us space

It was so lovley not having to ask and just having support without opinions or advice... unless we asked. they really stood back and let us muddle thorugh, like we needed to.

dad also coped well with the whole boobs hanging out thing lol i was pumping and having trouble feeding and basically said to him "if you are uncomfy you have to leave as i'm not hiding away in my bedroom all day". after that he was fine even cracking his dad's jokes about me being a "daisy" ie very efficient milker lol.

this time round, mum is coming to care for DS and spoil him and make sure he doesn't feel forgotten when the new bub arrives

hth

[~Kim~]

Kell I need multiple choice for the poll lol.

When it was happening, I thought my mum and dad were doing nothing, but now years down the track, my mum finally tells me that she thought I was awesome at it and so prepared, and that she wanted to give me space to find my feet. When I was sleep deprived they would make my bed up at home in my old room all clean and fresh (in a huge house where I couldn't be disturbed) and look after DD while I slept.

Much later she found out how bad my PND was and how ill I really was. After the birth of DS and I was ill (again) and we were grateful DS was alive, Mum and Dad took DD home with them for a week to let us get to know our newest little guy. At first I was horrified, as she'd never been away from me and it was 600km away, but it was the best gift anyone could have given me.

The ILs however knew we weren't real keen on a baby pass the parcel, and knew DH wanted them to help out and so they stayed away both times.

[issy02]

Apart from being my midwife for all three pregnancies and delivering the last two (first ended in emergency c-section), my mother has done everything! When my first son was born at aged 19, my boyfriend (now husband 10 years on) still lived with my parents. She moved into my sisters room up stairs and got up with me at every night feed for the first week to help me with breastfeeding, and even took my ds1 after the feed sometimes, so I could go back to sleep. With my second son, she moved in with us for a week, cooked dinners, took the baby into the lounge room at 1am so DH and I could sleep, did washing, babysat ds1 (aged 7 by this time) and again, got up with mist feeds during the night for the first week to help with breastfeeding - ds2 had lots of trouble attaching, but after 7 weeks, we got there! Then with DD (born 12 weeks ago) she cooked a weeks worth of meals, came over and made lunches, and was just there everyday for support and a cup of tea! She couldn't have done more! She is a beautiful mother, friend and amazing midwife, so I had the best of everything!

[Miss.B]

My mum was so much help to me for the first few months after DS arrived. She would quite often spend anywhere from 3 to 6 hours a day with me (except the weekends when DF was home), and helped with things like cleaning, washing, cooking, looking after DS when I went for an hour or so to nap (my parents only live 5 minutes away). I was a real zombie for the first 6 weeks or so, she was just a godsend. My dad on the other hand took a long time to bond with DS (Cam is their first earthside grandchild) but one day he just started picking him up and spending heaps more time with him and then every time DS saw his grandad he only wanted to be help by him! You can only imagine how my poor mum felt Suddenly, grandad was his fave! And he didn't even know how to change DS's nappy or feed him! Now my brother has a little one and we hardly see my parents unless we pop in once or twice a week to see them or they pop in on the odd occasion. I know that my brother and his wife are getting lots of help from my parents which is great (brother and SIL live with my parents).

So thanks mum and dad!!

[~Trish~]

My mum was awesome, she brought food over and cleaned my floors and did the ironing. She was so encouraging and happy to help in any way she could. Even just being on the other end of the phone while I cried was a great help.

[Mirandabelle]

Ignored my "No, it's fine and all under control" reply and got up and did the dishes anyway! (But I'm terrible at accepting/asking for help, and MIL knew it.)

[purplepixie1978]

Parents live 5 hours away, so plenty of space given... but it would have been awesome if my mum had accepted that things have changed since I came into the world and I don't have to parent the way she did.

[Jellybean29]

My Mum stayed in our spare room the first 2 weeks, she got up when I did for 3am feeds and helped me with breastfeeding, especially attachment, calmed me down when I was getting frustrated, helped settle bubs. Biggest help was her encouraging me to continue breastfeeding and to not be afraid to take bubs off if he was not attached properly and to try again. I don't think I would of continued breastfeeding without her support!

She also cooked, cleaned, washed and did the groceries!

[Roryrory]

BBBurton your mum sounds like a star

[Floweryfields]

Oh it makes me sad for those of you who wanted parents to care and they didn't.

[samm]

My parents were fantastic. Mum would come around with home cooked meals, allowed me to have a sleep for a few hours between feeds tucked up in their bed whilst looking after my daughter, took bubs for a walk while i have a 20 minute massage to get all the muscles relaxed and a bit of me time and gave me lots of cuddles when i looked like i needed one.Mum was never in the way just fluttered in and out to give us time to settle in just the 2 of us. Now that i am back at work FT, my parents look after her everyday.
My Dad has filled in as the predominent male in my daughters life and always has spent time telling Ruby stories and now she is older teaching her the timestables at 2yrs old.

I am blessed to have such wonderful supportive parents.

[Just Me]

My Mum was a bit shell shocked and scared about stepping on our toes when we had our first baby so only came over if we invited her, though she did cook and freeze a few meals for us. She wanted to be there but I think she was worried ... she came whenever I rang and asked for help.

For my last baby, there was a possibility I would need a c/section but I had three toddlers and DH could only get 2 weeks off work. My mum organised 10 weeks of service leave starting the week before my c/section. She came over the night before I had to go in and cooked dinner and looked after our kids while we went out to dinner. She then moved pretty much moved in on the morning of my c/section and was here until I came home from hospital so she could care for our kids and DH didn't have to worry.

Mum pretty much left us alone then for a couple of weeks except for dropping a couple of meals around for us. Then when DH went back to work, Mum came here every morning, cooked, cleaned, did washing and looked after my three eldest kids all day while I just took care of our baby. She drove me whereever I needed to go including playgroup and mothers' group and she looked after my older kids while I spent time with friends. I still find it amazing that my mum did that for us. I was missing my independence by the six week mark, but I love what my mum did. It also took a lot of pressure off DH and he felt okay going to work because he didn't have to worry about me and the kids.

Other things my mum has done for us:
- She set up her house with everything that we need so we don't have to take anything when we visit her.
- She always changes the kids' nappies whenever she is around. It is so lovely because I am so over dirty nappies and it really doesn't seem to bother her. I really appreciate that she gives me a break from this job whenever she is there.

I'm sure I've got a few more things that I could list here but those are just a few to start with ...

[Plinky]

My mum lives in UK, so wasn't around when DS was first born. My dad I guess didn't know or think that I might need help, and I guess I was too embarrassed to ask for it. My MIL was in hospital fighting a Leukaemia relapse, and my FIL had enough on his plate to deal with, with that. DH was also visiting his mum heaps (of course), but it made me feel like I couldn't lean on him emotionally. So we were pretty much left to our own devices. It was a very tough time, I do wonder if things were different maybe I would have coped better with a baby in general.

So very jealous of those who have had such great support, but I'm certainly sure I'm going to do everything I can if my sis or kids ever have a baby.

[raffy]

My mum was visiting from WA so she was staying in the house with us, in the morning I would walk in and give DS to her while df and I showered and they had a cuddle, then during the day she would let me sleep and only wake me when DS was hungry, she also cooked and cleaned which helped so much as having a messy house does my head in, she didn't smother us with 'help' and advice, and only gave when I asked, and having her there when the baby blues hit was great coz sh understood, poor df didn't no what was happening, she was pretty much perfect

[Nai]

I agree with the support and encouragement too - my mum has never once said anything negative about the way I parent. She has offered suggestions about what to do with certain things but she is a retired primary school teacher and has a lot of experience with different behaviours and she still keeps herself up to date with current practices so whenever any new studies are done she will read them.

MIL on the other hand, while sort of supportive did make some bad comments early on (eg. your milk isn't enough for DD1). DP laid down the law though and she never said anything again. She has said since that she was wrong and that we are doing a wonderful job raising our girls