What is your 3.5 - 4 yo like?

[Arimeh]

Not really - that would be my solution. No undies until she can poo in the toilet for 5 days (but I'm mean)

Hahahaha well I'm usually known as a mean mummy

I would also go no undies at home until she can poo in the potty...unless its freezing?

Dd is just over three so I'm not sure I can comment, but I have found the more challenging her behaviour, the closer I need to hold her ie tighten the leash and increase the cuddles.

We have set food times now because the all day eating drives me insane. It sucks for a while but my dd would eat from boredom, so now I restrict it heaps! (sure we have snacks between meals but we all have it together, not just randomly playing while eating crackers for eg)

When dd is aggressive to ds, I just ignore her and pick up hurt child and lavish attention on hurt child and leave dd to herself. It's hard to remember but talking to aggressive child could be rewarding her with the attention- she knows it's wrong so she just needs to work on impulse control.

She is still very young and has two young siblings, so she might feel she can only get attention by acting up. Does she sleep in her own bed? Do you put her to bed?

My dd has been better since we started cosleeping full time again.. But I know that's not an option for everyone.

Definitely not freezing - we're in Queensland, hot here today!

We have set food times (7am for breakfast, 10am for morning tea, 12.30 for lunch and 3.30pm for arvo tea and around 5-5.30 for dinner depending on uni pick ups) and she knows what time it is, and its been this way since she can remember. I'm sure she is bored though, I probably have to find more for her to do during the day.

We already co sleep with DD2 and DD3, DD1 comes in at around 5am and jumps in as well. She sleeps in a bed with her sister though (DD2) when DD2 isn't in with us (she comes in half way through the night). I put her to bed and stay until she is asleep.

If not putting undies on her makes her poo in the potty, I wouldn't put undies on her at home. I don't think it's cruel (though for us considering it's a fight to get undies onto my kids, I guess it's a little different, lol!)

Also wanted to say. Has anyone else ever commented on her behaviour? Maybe a teacher from preschool or someone else close to you?
BUT! If you feel that something might not be right, trust you instincts. You're her mother. You're with her 24/7. You know her like no other.

I asked her last day care, and they said that she showed none of the behavioural troubles there, and they were shocked when I asked them. She was really quiet there. So I guess that means that its not her, its my parenting really....

[MrsFabuloso]

I asked her last day care, and they said that she showed none of the behavioural troubles there, and they were shocked when I asked them. She was really quiet there. So I guess that means that its not her, its my parenting really....

No.It.Is.Not.
It is the way SHE is. Her personality and mannerisms. It's not your parenting. Some people are more demanding than others. Just because she's your kid doesn't mean she is going to be good, or dare I say it, that you will always like what she does. I clash with DD sometimes too. It isn't a reflection on my parenting. Same goes for you. Kids challenge us the most because they know we love them unconditionally. They know no matter how *****iful your day has been with them, you will still say 'I love you so much' at the end of the day.

[Tegam]

Not really - that would be my solution. No undies until she can poo in the toilet for 5 days (but I'm mean)

Well so am I then!

[Arcadia]

Fwiw we have seen heaps more aggression from dd since she turned three. The ONLY thing that seems to reduce it is for me to deal with my own temper. I have explosive rage sometimes which I've inherited from my mums side of the family. I have to really, really keep a check on it. I was going to go see someone, but I have found ways of coping myself and I'm extremely proud of my changes. I haven't yelled in quite a while now.

It hasnt eliminated the issue (ie dd still grits her teeth and squashes ds and snatches toys) but its really helped.

[Maruschke]

M I don't think it's your parenting at all. I think she has some challenging behaviour, I just am not sure of what is normal 3-4 year old challenging behaviour and what isn't. I haven't been there and I have no experience . I think our kids personalities come through much stronger than our parenting styles. I know you are tearing your hair out, I really hope there is some advice you can try to see if it makes things better. Sorry a really nothingness post, I empathise with you I just have no wisdom at all to share.

As for the undies, I agree, take them off her! If she is doing poos in the potty then this is fantastic. I hope it works quickly.

[Jakabella]

I think its an age thing. Bella has been a golden child right up till she turned 3. Well 3 is a whole new ball game! She is tantrumy, whiny, cranky and defiant!
We are just about toilet trained but then if she is feeling lazy she will just wee! Not so much poo but she wee'd on the couch today! When I asked why? I was to tired to tell you or walk to the potty! WTH!?!?

Sorry not much help!
Kate xox

[Party-of-five]

besides the toilet issues you have just decribed my DD1. excactly. I sat reading your post nodding my head. they are the same age...4 in august. She is doing my head in at the moment because like your DD she can talk very well but she insists on screaming and whinging all day she is so nasty to DD2 some days it makes me cry. I can't offer you any advice if you find something that works please share...but I can offer you heaps of these cause I know I need some

[black_rose]

It's not your parenting at all! Ds was cranky all last weekend when we went camping, at his first day back at daycare he was an angel but cracked it as soon as we got home. They know they can get away with more at home.