My DD was too young (23 months) too feel 'important' or 'helpful' doing/getting things for mummy and the baby! I found the best thing was to spend all my time with DD when DS was asleep- this involved cooking together, reading, playing games etc or just having a little walk outside. I would also spend an hour or two out the front with her when I knew DS was having a good sleep. The other thing I was warned about (and did happen with me) was that I may get cranky at the older one. Me being so tired and emotional and pulled between the two, and DD having a hard time too (dropped her day sleeps for some time) and playing up made me cranky at DD when she did something that would not normally bother me. FWIW I found it really tough- new baby was great, DD was ok but I found the pull between needing to be with each one at the same time very hard. But 6 months on, it is very easy and they are just gorgeous together.
A couple of little things i liked to do was not to make DS2 something that DS1 couldn't touch or be a part of. If he wanted hugs with him i always bent down with him in my arms and allowed it. If he wanted to touch him i let him but guided him to do it very gently. I just didn't want a dislike to come between the two of them because he's not allowed to touch him or go near him.
With DS1 he became really effectionate and wanted lots of hugs and kisses from me. I loved it!!! And i always made myself available to him as best i could.
I actually found the transition of being a family of 3 to 4 a beautifuly enjoyable one. And i hope you do too.
By the end of the year we'll be a family of 5 and i'll have to get my head around a transition with an almost 4 year old AND an almost 2 year old. Wish me luck for that one
Grumpybum currently likes snuggling with me on the couch (preferably with a blanket over my head - cubbyhouse!) and feels my tummy wriggle so I fully expect I'm going to end up breastfeeding with a blanket over my head and a squirming toddler in my face discussing my boobies.
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