My 3 boys are all 2 years apart 18,almost 16 and almost 14 then i have Ella 11 weeks and i have enjoyed both the close age gap and the very big age gap.
Any age gap has it's pros and cons. But they are all workable
I loved the nearly 19 months between DS and dd1.
The nearly 16 months between dd1 and dd2 (then the same between dd2 and dd3) is hard at first but the two girls are great friends now.
I do like it when the two older girls are sleeping and its just me, DS and dd3 though. 4 years is great, he is independent, toilet trained and wipes his own butt (that's important!) and can get stuff for me. He rocks dd3 to sleep for me if I'm busy with the others.
And - this is most important - he doesn't pull stuff out of my kitchen cupboards and make extra work for me - unlike his two sisters who are doing that very thing at this bloody moment.
I have 20months difference between my 2 boys and I'm glad it turned out (cause DS2 was conceived naturally with no effort unlike DS1 who was 3 very long TTC years...so it was meant to be) this way for us.
At first, yes it was a little bit challenging, but I just tried to get DS1 involved in helping as much as I could (he wasn't talking all that much, but understood enough...like get me tissues or towels and pass me things). I was usually able (and still am most days now) to coordinate that they have a sleep at the same time. These days they both have a 2-3hr lunch time sleep, but from about 6-12months when DS2 would have 2 sleeps, I would delay DS1's sleep til later in the arvo - and still usually get up to 2hrs break....either for housework, make dinner, some relax time and occassionally a mummy-nap. I continued to have DS1 going to childcare the 2 days a week though (I also wanted to keep the position for when I returned back to work after the 12months maternity leave)...which allowed me some one on one time with DS2.
As for buying 2nd lots of furniture...we didn't really. At around 18months we began the transition DS1 to a bed...with a side rail. The side rail ended up coming off not long after DS2 was born though (the bed is rather low to the ground anyway...so not much distance to fall...though that rarely every happened). My cousin ended up giving me her change table, so I actually had one in each room, but rarely used DS1's (once the bed rail came down we tended to use his bed or even our bed). DS1 was still in nappy's (we use MCN's) so made no difference in cost of buying nappy's and not much difference to my washing. I also am able to pretty much transfer clothes that DS1 grows out of straight into DS2's room.
Now my boys are 16months and 3 years old and they are already becoming the best of friends. They play and have fun together and love cuddling each other (of course they also cause mischief together...which most of the time I find very difficult not to laugh). Most of the day they can amuse themselves...with supervision of course, but it still allows me to get alot of stuff done.
However in saying all that, if we do TTC #3 - I'm thinking of allowing a little more of an age gap...possible 2.5 -3 years...only because I found DS1's communication was sooo much better by then and everything got that little bit easier (not that it was too bad to begin with). I'd also like to have some decent sleeps (well as good as it can get...like even 2-3 uninterrupted nights sleep in a row would be perfect) before going through that again (DS1 is a great night sleeper, but DS2 - up until about 2 months ago was still waking 2 -3 times a night).
I obviously don't have any experience of the larger age gap - only watching 1 of my friends who has 3.5years between her 2 - and even though her oldest can help with alot more - she also is a very knowing little girl - so likes to argue back. They also don't interact and play together like mine do...though she has the girl boy combo, unlike my 2 boys - who have similar interests (cars, blocks, balls and dirt). And looking at most other people I know (even family and friends growing up) - they've all got a similar 2-3 year age gap between their children.... and they all seem to work - and the siblings still get along.
So this is just what I've experienced and seen, but obviously you need to do what works for you. Either you (or the universe - whichever you believe) will hopefully know when the time is right.
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