when is the best age gap for second child?

[Ambah]

I think the 'best' age gap is different for everyone
IF we go ahead and TTC this year, there will be at least a 3.5yr age gap between Aidyn and #2. I am happy with that because I know I would not have coped too well if Aidyn had been any younger when having a second baby. However I certainly admire the parents that manage fine with having their kids very close together.
I really wouldnt want there to be much more than 4 years between my two kids though, so I will have to make a decision very soon in that case!

We are hoping to have #2 ASAP. DH made the interesting point about people wanting to spend time with the 1st and giving that as a reason to delay having a 2nd. In his view that means that you are kind of accepting that every kid but the 1st somehow will "miss out", because after #1 there will always be competition (he is the 2nd of 4, BTW)

Interesting point Rory, however in my case, if you are only planning on having 2, then #2 wont miss out as much, because there will be no newborn/infant #3, which is what takes up a lot of time and energy...
And I think by waiting longer (until #1 is older) to have #2 ensures that #2 will be able to recieve a bit more attention than I would be able to give if #1 was still quite young as well?
Did that make sense LOL?

[mbear]

I guess as mothers we can only give you advice on what our age gaps actually are between our children and how that has/has not worked for us. A lot of things need to be taken into consideration:
Finances/Study
Health (especially yours i.e 3 month pre concenption plan)
House - is there enuf room?
Children you already have....
I know for us, my Dh wanted to have his course (firefighting) completed BEFORE #2 arrived. That meant we had to wait a little longer (longer for me). DD#1 was 20 months when we conceived #2. So a 29 month age gap is what is b/w our two girls. Ideally i would have loved a closer one, but thats all in the past now, look at what i have to show for it......
Im sure lots of couples contemplating having another child goe thru this discussion (in some way or another LOL), i too think if your thinking about it, maybe start discussing the impact of another baby in your lives........and start baby making !!

[Tobily]

I also think there's no "right" answer to this question and it's a matter of personal preference.
Our experience? We have 23 months between our two - DS has arrived smack bang in time for the worst of DD's "terrible two" phase. So it hasn't been easy. In fact some days have been downright horrible.
But after nearly 4 months we're starting to find our groove and things are improving and getting much easier (thank goodness).
There is the same age gap between my brother and myself and we are really close so I'm hoping for the same for my two as well - DD is really besotted with her little brother and that part is just lovely to watch

[MantaRay]

I agree that it is a personal thing and there is no right answer.

I have 19 months between the boys (Would have been 20 but Tom couldn't wait to meet his brother LOL!!). I love having them close as they get along so well, and the feedback I get from others is that it usually stays that way. If I have another it will be close too. Jack wasn't old enough to experience jealousy, he has been too busy loving his brother! But got to warn you, while I love it and wouldn't change a thing, and I'm sure the boys aren't missing out on anything, life is pretty busy around here!

One other thing to consider too, I like the idea of doing the "baby thing" in one hit. I think it would be really hard to have the older one out of nappies and sleeping through and quite independent and then have to start all over again with another one (again, this is a personal thing). I would rather get through that stage and move on IYKWIM? I'm already doing nappies for one, so it's not a shock to be doing it for another etc. Anyway, just a thought.

[Roryrory]

Ambah, yeah - if there are two that makes alot of sense. A GF has a 4yo and a newborn - it is good because older one is able to help, at kinder, starting school next year, etc.

We want 3 and I will be 33 this year (DH will be 34) so the clock is ticking for us LOL!!!