when is the best age gap for second child?

[Liz]

My feelings I guess are based on me & my bro. He is nearly 5 yrs older than me, and when we were young, we had such separate lives, and he and his friends were horrible to me. LOL. Teenage years, we got on surprisingly well! Then - he married an awful woman, and we hardly speak now Nothing really nasty between us, but we've been divided by my SIL iykwim.

So we're planning a 2yr age gap (providing the ttcing works to plan!)

Oh another thing with the 5yr age gap - my bro started school about 3 weeks after I was born, and had a lot of issues about going to school, and mum reckons it was him feeling like he wasn't wanted around the house now that there was a new baby. Who knows the psychology behind it all hehe. I might add tho, that mum & dad tried for me for a few years, so the big age gap wasn't intentional. Another reason I dont want to wait is incase we take time falling pg.

DP and I often comment on how fortunate we are to be thinking of things like gaps, we know friends who have taken over three years to conceive

I dont' consider myself fortunate just yet - who knows what lies ahead! I'm officially in my 30's now (31!! I didn't count 30 LOL) and the clock has well and truly started ticking. I read somewhere that a lot of women think that their fertility remains the same during their 30's (something to do with women putting off childbearing until they have a career etc) but it really isn't, so I don't want to risk waiting a couple of years only to find out our fertility has dropped.

[Krisvee]

Hi!

Great topic - obviously how we were raised and what siblings we have plays a huge role in our decision making!!

I will have 18m gap between 1 & 2! I can't really comment yet I don't know how I'll feel! I'm excited though and I did want the kids to be close in age so I'm happy about that. I know I'll cope because we all manage to somehow!!

Growing up my brother was older by 7y and my sister older by 9y so of course I hate big age gaps!! We never all played together and my brother used his power over me which I hated!! He was bigger and stronger and there was nothing I could do about bascically. My sister was getting engaged and married when I was around 8-12yo so we were so far removed from each others lives....
Anyway, as adults I get along with both of them ok although probaby more so with my brother now as we're at the same lifestyle stage. He hasn't met his partner until later and they're about to have their first bubba so our age gaps closed as such...My sister has older kids and has divorced so again very far removed from me...

I guess I figure if I have my kids closer there is more chance that they'll be friends even though I know it will come down to personality as well....

[Willow]

Mummyto1, I'm in the exact same situation as you - I wanted a small gap between my children and fell prg with #2 when DD was 12 months. Unfortunately we too had a m/c at 12 wks in March 06 and after a lot of drama, have just started IVF.

It's now totally out of my control and that is very hard to accept at times.

I hope we both have #2 on the way VERY soon!!

[Belinda]

Very interesting topic

I have a 7 year gap between 1 and 2 and 17mth gap between 2 and 3, so i done both lol

My huge gap was from a tramatic birth and pnd and i was never ever having more children after him, took me 7 years to get over it and luckily my second birth was great and had no pnd, hence the shorter gap, i wanted another one as i left the hospital with number 2, the main reason for 3 was that my older child is a really social kid and was so lonely without anyone around and we just couldnt do that to another child, i dont mind the short gap at all myself, has its bad days but i am sure any gap does, now i am thinking whether to have a number 4 or not

As for jelously, my 17mth old at the time of number 3's birth was really jelous and still is, we cant leave him alone with the baby!

[deevadoll]

My siter and I are 15 months apart and as kids we fought alot. As teenagers and adults we are the best of freinds. My husband has two younger brothers that are 10 and 12 years apart in age from him and his just now having a brother to brother relationship with the middle brother and not a father and son relationship that they had in the past. Bascially, it depends on the relationships they bulid with each other in their lives.

I have a soon to be 2 year old in March and I'm also expecting a second boy in May. So it is going to be interesting to see the differences in their personalities.

[lucky_mummy]

I have a 2.75yr age gap between my first born daughter and little bubby boy. I am finding it very tough. She is right at an age where she is struggling emotionally, you know the 'terrible two's' which I have discoved means 2 years long instead of 2yo.

Just as he was born, she exploded. She is having tantrums, feeling very alone. trying for attention, and is just plain miserable a lot of the time. We are very nurturing, but are having a real struggle with this age gap.

If I could go again, I would love a 4 year age gap. They are just over that hard time, and old enough to understand a bit more when you don't have the same amount of time for them.

I would either go for a shorter age gap or a longer one, not the terrible twos.

Linda.

[deevadoll]

I think it depends on the child. My sister has a 6 year old and his little brother will be 3 in April, so they are 3 1/2 to 4 years apart and my oldest nephew was very jealous of his baby brother. He was the baby for a long time (he also has for other older siblings from his father's previous relationship) and it took him about a 6 months to a year to the helpful big brother he is now.

[*Ali*]

Something I was thinking about today as well was how our perspective changes after we haev had children. Before I had Tori I was adamant that I was only going to have 2 children, and I was going to have them 3 years apart. As soon as she was born, DH and I decided 2 just wouldnt be enough andwe wanted 3 and that we would much prefer them closer together. I guess another factor that weighs in on this issue is careers, I am a primary school teacher, all up it took me 6 years to get my degree, and i have been teaching for just over 3 years, I am now torn between a career I love and having a family I love- I know it is possible to do both, and I certainly have admiration for people which ever role they choose SAHM, working mum or a combination of both. For me I dont want to give my career up, but I also don't want to work full time and have my kids in care full time.........so I am going to have to find a happy medium that will work with 1, 2 or 3 kids.