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Thread: When to go for back for seconds?!

  1. #1

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    Default When to go for back for seconds?!

    Hi everyone,



    Similar to Kelly's topic, I am wondering when you personally feel is the best time to start trying for baby #2? I would love to hear your personal stories and whether you feel that it has or hasn't been ideal? Aidan is almost 10months old now and initially I was keen to have kids (maybe 3 in total) close together, but I am having second thoughts, then some days I change my mind! argh!

    Jess

  2. #2

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    HI Jess,

    I was 34 when I had Olivia so I knew I didn't have much time to have a long break between babies. There is 16 months between Olivia and Charlie. She was 7 months old when I concieved Charlie.

    I was terrified that she would be too vunerable and still a real little baby, IYKWIM, and I worried about this a lot when I was pregnant with Charlie.

    But as soon as he arrived, she was fine. No signs of jealousy at all, she has accepted her "buther", as she calls him, immediately.

    The house is a madhouse, and coordinating their routines is a bit pot luck......I am very grateful and appreciative if they are both asleep at the same time!!

    They are both in nappies, but that doesn't bother me at all.

    Olivia is only just walking (a very very late walker!) so we have a double limo style stroller, again, that works fine.

    She gets bored when I am breastfeeding him, but she knows now that when I say "Come on Olivia, which toys would you like to play with whilst we feed Charlie" that she needs to play without me for 30 mins.......she LOVES being allowed to "play" with all the clothes that are stacked in his changetable, and packs and unpacks nappies for ages!

    I have no experience of anything different from this age gap, and I am sure there are pros and cons for both, but I love that my 2 are close together, & so far, whilst it is a bit chaotic, it is all working out fine.....

    Best of luck with TTC # 2 when the time comes for you!

  3. #3
    mooshie Guest

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    jessica

    when my dh and i first discussed having #2 (my dd was 12mths old) i was a little apprehensive, i really didn't think i had enough love for another child iykwim - anyway we thought we would start trying as it took us around 2yrs off and on to fall prg only to miscarry at 11wks then a further 8mths to fall prg with jessie - little did i know ds jay wanted to join our family right away - he was born when jess was 21mths. i found it fine - jessie was still having a morning and night bottle and she was still in nappies but everything was fine - they also both seemed to have their sleeps in sync. the most important thing i found i did was to spend quality one on one time with jess when jay was having a nap and we always did something special. back then my dh worked night shift so it was busy and at times tiring but at the end of the day both were sound asleep by 7.30pm and i could have time out.

    when jay was 4 1/2 lani came into our lives and it has been easier, jay understands that babies can take alot of time, and he has a busy little social life now so that keeps him quite happy and they way he looks after his baby sister is just lovely, he is gentle and caring and always looking out for her. we have problems tho, for eg leggo - he cant play with it as much as he used to as lani is on the move, so he quite often plays with it whilst she is asleep and makes sure it is all packed up before she gets up.

    we are ttc #4 atm - i would ideally love for lani to be a little older as i know it is going to be a bit harder with me being older etc but for me the clock is ticking (will be 37 in a few weeks) and my personal cut off is 38.

    i think you just know when you are ready for another and it just kind of works itself out.

    good luck in what you decide.

  4. #4

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    I am having the same problem at the moment...i really would like to have another one,as i would like to be settled and know i dont want anymore by the time i am 28 (i am 26,27 next month)
    I just cant decide whether to go ahead with TTC #5,somedays i really want to and then somedays i am so scared because i dont know if i will cope,or if i will be able to spend enough time with the other kids....
    I think it is personal preference,and i know that i have had two close and two further apart....The further apart ones were easier (Emily 4 and Dominic now 8 months) but then the closer together ones (Cat 7 and Jessica 6) werent too bad either....
    Just go with what you think is best for you,that is all the advice i can offer!!!
    Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!

  5. #5

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    I know that DF are young and all but we're TTC #2 already. I wanted my first two kids close in age. So Lily will be around 20mths if we conceive soon. People might think we're crazy, but it just feels like the right time you know? DF and i were both only childs and we don't want that for Lily and since i have PCOS who knows how long it might take this time around. People say we have ages, but i don't want ages! I'd like about 4 kids, 5 if i can twist DF arm enough lol!

  6. #6
    Debbie Lee Guest

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    I don't think you are crazy at all, Tegan. I think it's great that you want to have kids while you are young. My Mum had 4 kids under the age of 6 by the time she was my age. She was 21 when she had me so the age-gap isn't quite so big. I felt old when I got pregnant for the first time at 25!!

    DH and I want to leave a few years between children. He is 3 and 5 years older than his brothers and they get along just fine. I am 2, 4 and 5 years older than my sisters and we all get along really well too. There's definitely pros and cons to having kids close together or with a few years gap. Either way, if they are loved and cared for, does it really matter a great deal? Definitely go with your own gut.

  7. #7

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    When Kameron was 18mths old I just woke up one morning and said to Andrew "I want another baby" I hadn't had any real urge before that, so I came off the pill and I was 15wks pregnant, when Kameron had his 2nd birthday 6mths later.

    Love

  8. #8
    Sun Nymph Guest

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    I've had a 2.5 year gap between each of my kids. DS is my last and I am really enjoying him without the pressure of a newborn as well. I sort of feel the other two missed out on a bit at this age because the younger siblings were quite clingy fussy babies who demanded most of my attention.
    However after 7 years of intense parenting of young kids I am pleased to be "coming out the other side" and onto the next phase (which I am sure will hold some new challenges too)
    Pros and cons for whatever you choose.

  9. #9

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    We've been trying for the last 2 months - no luck yet. When we had jenna's check up yesterday at the GP (6 month needles) she said to us - "well you'll be ready to start trying for the next one soon!".
    I have to admit I was shocked given she insisted I take a script for the mini-pill.
    Close is good, but a couple of years has its benefits too! Its what works for you.
    Fi

  10. #10

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    Mark and I wanted a baby soon after Matthew was born so we`ve had unprotected sex since he was 6 weeks, ok it was very few and far between in the beginning as I had a low libido but for the last 2.5 months it`s been regular, Matthew is now 5 months and I`m yet to be pregnant, Breastfeeding seems to be quite a good contraceptive for me.

    I`m 31 and by the time #2 is born I`ll be 32 or older and Mark is nearly 38 so age comes into our decision.

  11. #11

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    We want our bubs to be close together in age so we never even bothered about contraception after Kynan was born. I'm still breastfeeding and haven't had AF back though so it hasn't happened yet, but I'm hoping I'll be PG by then end of the year.

  12. #12
    mooshie Guest

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    hi all

    just thought i would add to this post.

    yesterday we went and visited a friend who had her 2nd child and of course i took the kiddies - well lani is nearly 13mths old and crawling everywhere and standing up etc (but not yet walking), i decided then and there thank god i haven't got a newborn and one this age i think i would need to go to the funny farm lol. seriously it would be hard work and we were all commenting on it that yes it is possible for an age gap that close. i was running around after miss lani everywhere and i didn't even get a chance to cuddle the new baby, so thankfully we have chosen to wait until lani turned 1 (even though i was so ready to have another when she was a tiny baby lol)

    thats just me tho and my selfishness at wanting a bit of time to myself during the day, although i am rarely getting that now - as i type i have a 5 yr old in my ear (mum what are you doing, mum can i play playstation lol) and a 1yr old crawling around my feet - arhhhh better go.

  13. #13

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    I had my first AF when Mason was 11mths old so then we had a chat and decided to try then and there. We honestly didn't expect to get PG straight away as it took 12mths to conceive Mason.
    So my boys are 22 months apart.

  14. #14
    mooshie Guest

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    sammi

    that was so like me when my first dd turned 1, i had only jsut started af again so we thought we would go again and fell prg there and then lol (considering the first took 2yrs resulting in miscarriage at 11wks) then a further 8mths to fall with dd, we certainly didn't think it would happen that quick - they were 21mths apart when ds was born

  15. #15

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    Firstly we consdiered what we needed to do, ie workwise, housewise. I knew that to have no.3 I would have to finish work and so we had to wait for the right time to be able to go onto 1 wage. We had paid off a car and DH's business was going along well so we knew it was time. Also it depends on age. I wanted to be finished bythe time I was 30 so I was 28 whenI had no.3 and we started trying when she was 6mths for m=no. 4 and lucky for us we got pg in 3 mths and had our last the month before I turned 30. So I would take those things into consideration.

    i would also take a look at how you are coping, do you feel stressed out and tired? Cos that will indeed become worse with a newborn, maybe taking time to feel more human is a good idea.

    You also need to consider age difference, but I wouldn't be concerned too much with that (see my post to Kelly LOL) It just depends if you really desperately want them close together or not. 3 yrs is a perfectly fine age gap. And you at least have been able to get some good sleep in that time LOL

    Good luck jess, who knows if you are ever really ready or not. Hopefully it all works out the way you want it to.
    Cheers michelle

  16. #16

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    Thanks everyone for your replies, DH happened to bring up the the #2 thing on the weekend and he is now keen on the idea, I am still not 100% but thinking about it is a good starting point. I have even changed my signature and joind the TTC thread! I think it may take a little time anyway as my cycles are soo over the shop after having Aidan and b/f for 3 months. Maybe we will 'quietly' start trying next cycle!

  17. #17

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    Im no spring chicken myself and we wanted to have a second bub so the two are close together in age.
    About a mth ago I fell pregnant and was on top of the world but bub had a very low h/beat and I eventually lost s/he:-(
    Then on top of that found once Id had a d & c that it was a molar preg which now means we cant even ttc for 6-8 mths.
    The Ob has advised us against it. Really PO'ed about it as you can imagine!!
    So my answer would be close together if you CAN...

  18. #18
    Kirsty77 Guest

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    I ahve the same feelings.Some days I'd like to start TTC again ASAP, but other days I'd like to wait and enjoy more time with Gemma.I have PCOS and I'm 28 so I know that time may not be on my side either.I orignally wanted all our kids(we want 3) to be close together, before I was 30, but having taken so long to conceive Gemma (being diagnosed with PCOS and having to take clomid to conceive her)I realise that maybe we should TTC again as soon as we can.

    I also had a c/s and was wondering how many of you TTC and fell pregnant again before the 12 month wait they tell you?Did you have many problems?

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