we have done something similar, I know DD is only young but she used to only sleep on me during the day and while I loved it, it meant I wasn't getting things done (besides getting fat and lazy sitting on the lounge all day!). If I put her in her cot or bassinette she would wake up in about 10 minutes and wouldn't go back to sleep and that was driving me mad!
I don't know if what we did was actually CC, but whatever it was it worked and if I put her down when it is sleep time and pop her dummy in she usually goes off to sleep within about 5 minutes.
I'd wrap her up when she got tired and it was sleep time then we would close the curtains in the bedroom, i'd give her a kiss and tell her sleepy time/good night and that I loved her, put her down and tuck her in, stroke her head and put her dummy in. I'd leave the room if she was quiet and if she started crying would go in after a couple of minutes and tell her it was alright and pat her shoulder (I was patting her bum but was too hard pulling back the sheet/blanket all the time!). If she kept crying and it escalated i would pick her up and resettle then put her back in her cot. 90% of the time it worked the first time, but sometimes I would have to go back in a 2nd or 3rd time.
She is usually pretty good now, and i feel so proud of her that she can put herself off to sleep without me having to pat her or cuddle her until she goes to sleep. Sometimes I do feed to sleep, but that's usually her last feed before bedtime and she falls asleep during it. There have been a couple of times when she has screamed hysterically, to the point she made herself sick and nothing would console her except a bottle, but other than that she sleeps really well at night now! Well..I bet that is until teething starts. Lol.
We do hands on settling (just a fancy name for controlled crying I think). We watch for the tired signs and as soon as DD/DS shows any of them they are wrapped and popped into bed. If they are crying (not whinging) we go in every 5 minutes (this time varies depending on their age) place our hand on their chest for the count of 10 and then leave the room again. When we go in we don't give eye contact or talk to them. DD was extremely stubborn and sometimes it took us up to an hour to settle her in the first few days/nights. This process took us a week and we have never ever looked back. It was the BEST THING we could have done for DD and us. DD loves a routine and to know what is coming next. DD and DS self settle 99.9% of the time now. If they don't we know that there is something wrong/or they are getting sick.
The best tips I got from my the sleep school I attended were:
* Consistency is the key. Discuss with DP exactly what your plan is and no matter what stick it.
* Give yourself three nights/days before you expect a change
* Monitor your baby closely for the first sign of their tired signs and pop them to bed straight away.
If you want to know what the tired signs just let me know.
This technique worked brilliantly for us and even through the first few nights/days were really hard it is fantastic now and we have the most brilliant sleeper.
Best of luck with making your decision. You need to do what is right for you and your family. If you have any other questions please feel free to PM me.
Salad we have been trying a few different things as although DS goes off to sleep easily at the beginning of the night, he's not the best self settler in the middle of the night when he wakes.
Although we aren't really using 'controlled crying' as such, after always rocking to sleep we have recently found that leaving a few familar toys (eg rings/links etc, nothing too stimulating) in his cot at sleep time give him something to play with (albiet sleepily) and he doesn't fret when we leave the room, and he usually falls asleep (with link in hand HAHAHA)
I must be honest however I more often rock or feed him to sleep than let him self settle so I am well aware I am creating these habits but I'm not ready to give up those sleepy cuddles just yet. So I have to deal with getting up to re-settle him during the night but its the price I pay for my sleepy cuddles
I'll be interested to see how you go, as when I go back to work next year I will have to be a bit tougher and teach him to self settle more
Hi, we did cc with both our cubs and hard as it was, I think it was the best thing we could have done. Once they figured out it was time to sleep and they could handle it alone, we were all happier and calmer mainly because bed time wasn't a stress anymore, and we weren't tense knowing what was coming and wondering how long it was going to take us to get them to fall asleep, how long we were going to be sitting in a darkened room patting or whatever worked that week.
With Jordy it turned out he was better if we didn't go back in at all.
Don't forget that when you first start it will be so far removed from what your little one is used to that they may well get much more upset than you would expect; they don't understand what has changed or why. Both mine lost their voices in the first week.
It doesn't mean cc won't work, just that it's new for them too.
Good luck
When DD1 was 7mo I did it. DH is hearing impaired, so he never heard her overnight. For two months she woke every hour or two for a bf. She never wanted to co-sleep and frankly neither did I. So after two months of hourly or thereabouts wake-ups I was over it.
I rang tressilian for support (they were great - supportive of whatever decision I made. Suggested no feeds between midnight and 5am) and made the decision to do it.
I think it depends on the child as to what techniques will be suitable. I personally found that my being in the room attempting to soothe DD made her all the more upset. All she wanted was the breast and got exceptionally angry/distressed at anything else. So I did something more like Ferberism - just watched the clock. I'd wrap her, kiss her, leave. She'd cry. I'd go in after a couple of minutes, stroke her forehead, kiss her, leave. I'd leave it for a good few more minutes... etc.
It worked and she started sleeping through a short time later. I can't remember how many nights - there were some nights when she'd wake before midnight but I'd refuse to feed her. If she woke after or close to 5am then I'd feed her.
The positive is that it worked. She got out of that pattern pretty quickly. The negative is that it felt awful. I was doing it on my own and DD would be so upset. I know you don't want to hear the negative, but I feel like I need to let you know it's not an easy road.
GL, and I hope it all goes quickly and smoothly for you.
I guess what we did with Isla wasn't cc as such but probably wouldn't have been considered 'gentle' either. Just before her first birthday we were so exhausted as she was waking up 3 or 4 times a night and wouldn't settle without a boob so we had to do something. I decided i wouldn't feed between 12ish and 5. We couldn't just leave her to cry but if i went to her it would confuse her about why i wouldn't feed her so we used my dh instead. Once she'd stood up in the cot and started getting upset then dh would go to her and lay her back down gently and say 'sleepy time' and walk away. As soon as she'd stood up again he was back 'sleepy time' again and again. And yes she did cry and it was pretty horrible but she'd tired herself out after about 40 minutes with the gaps between her standing up getting longer and longer. She wasn't left to cry for any length of time, each time she got upset dh would go to her and do the sleepy time thing.She was in a cot at the end of our bed and i was so sad as when she fell asleep i knew she'd got upset as she was still doing the 'sniffs' for quite a while after. Anyway, second night, she stands up middle of the night ocl****, dh get up to go to her and she takes one look at him coming to her (not me) and flings herslef back on her humphrey (comforter) and that was it. She's not woken up since and went into her own room a week or so later with no hassle what-so-ever. So while it's not great at the time doing something like that may work.
good luck
Julie x
Last edited by PlonkeeMumma; October 27th, 2009 at 12:28 AM.
: spelling
Hi,
I'm another one to say with both of our boys, it was one of the best things we could have done. As much as I've had to really psyche myself up to do it - and it's definitely not fun listening to them crying, the results within the first day have made me know that it has definitely been a positive step for everyone in the family. Only do it when you're ready to do it. Knowing how effective it has been has allowed me to really enjoy all of the feeding to sleep, cuddles and apparently "bad" habits we've created over the last 9 months . Good luck!
I used to feed DD to sleep and when I stopped we put in place a night time routine of bath, pjs, books, cuddles and bed. To start with DH would put her to bed and stay with her for a few minutes then leave. If she cried we would go back in and pat/rock. We usually only went in about 5 times or less and within a week she was usually going to sleep by herself.
The other problem we had was night waking. We used to try to settle her and if nothing worked I would feed her. When she was about 12 months (I think) I decided I wouldn't feed her during the night anymore. It then became harder to settle her and we found that it was usually better just to leave her to cry for a little while. If the crying continues or sounds really urgent we go to her, but most of the time she soon goes back to sleep.
We just put DD in her cot for sleeps and leave her to go to sleep by herself. It can take up to an hour, but she is rarely upset, she just talks and jumps around until she goes to sleep.
I have Save our Sleep by Tizzie Hall. I think it is quite good and I have used it to help me figure out when she does or doesn't need me and also timings of sleeps, meals etc.
I'm glad I read this thread, It is nice to know there are people with similar ideas to me. I know this is a 'gently parenting' website and what I do doesn't quite fit with that. But it suits my DD's temperament and results in a happy family overall.
Registered User
. Good luck!
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