We have decided to try DS 8 months on Ferber style self settling.
Some sleeps (during day usually) he will have a cry or grizzle but fall asleep within 5 - 10 mins.
At bed time (evening) and during night wake ups its a different story.
DS cries if I leave the room, but calms if I stay in there with him - but dosent go to sleep. He will just lay there not going to sleep, and then gets very upset when I leave the room. This went on last night (middle of night) for near 2 hours till I took him into bed and fed him. I dont think he was real hungry (though probably by then with all his complaining ). But he had a feed and then lay there awake till I fed him some more and then transfered him sleepy back to his bed.
This evening he has been crying and angry, but dosent seem hungry. I dont want to offer him milk anyway, because he had a big dinner and good BF. I am trying to break his habit of waking regular throughout evening for feeds.
Anyway, how long is it ok to keep this going on? Is there a point (of time) that if your LO is still not fallen asleep you should try something else?
I dont want us and him to go through an hour of comforted crying only to then pick him up and feed him ( as thats giving him mixed signals - and is just horrible for all of us ).
When you're in the room with him (with his eyes open!), what are you doing?
I used to sit in the room but not look at her - read a book or something. Can you sit next to the cot then move your chair further away each night or something?
I'm just wondering if you've looked at another style of comforting and settling at all?
Elizabeth Pantley's methods are tried and sworn by from lots of people - the 'No Cry' method.
Personally not a fan of Ferber as it takes a lot of your instinct out of mothering and individuality from your child - like you say, it's not 'working' and you're all upset; that's a signal to you, babe
I know you're trying to 'break a habit', and it's possible that he needs this 'habit' to keep up his nutritional needs. Some babies do and some don't. I know my DS did, as he was not into solids until at least his 10th month. Even after solids, I knew that feeds during the night were fuelling his energy use during the day - I've got a real fireball, so I could see the purpose his nightly feeds served. It made it infinitely easier to have him sleeping in my bed - he'd feed without really waking either of us and DP wouldn't have to be woken, either. It's often easier, and not 'wrong' in any way, to make it easier on yourself and your LO by doing what comes naturally and not following 'one size fits all' rules - it's the mammals' way, too
I agree with mayaness!! My son is nearly 18mths old and I am sill feeding him once a night some nights. Sometimes he'll go back to sleep without a bottle but if he doesn't I know that he wants one and that works for us. Everyone gets the sleep they need without the crying and upset to the night.
He is a fullon kid. Sooooo much energy so that justifys the night feed to me.
I think you should do what you feel you need to do to make it better and more comfortable for you all. I found that with reading alot of material I confused myself with information overload. I feel that the topic of Babies and Children is sooooo general that no one can possibly tell you the right thing to do. Every child is different. What works for some babies won't work for others. When I trusted in my instinct and listend to my son, it all just seemed to fall into place.
I hope that you sort something out to benifit you both.
Thanks for your comments.
I am not trying to stop all his night feeds, but cut them down a bit. Waking every 2 -3 hrs (on a good night) for a feed during the night has me exhausted.
But its the habit of the waking every half hour after going to bed for the night is the habit I was refering to. He dosent really need to wake so soon after having a big feed.
We have co- slept up till about a week and half ago. We have decided we need more sleep than co - sleeping was giving us.
I have had awful sleep issues with this baby for 8 months and we have the Pantley book. We feel that ds is ready now for self settling, and based on what we know of him, i think he needs a bit of tough love... but obviously tough love done with tenderness, hence me asking for some advise.
Lulu, what age was your DD when you helped her settle by staying in the room?
Advise about CIO
). But he had a feed and then lay there awake till I fed him some more and then transfered him sleepy back to his bed.
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