Nope, never, and I'm fine with that... most of the time.
Since DS was moved to his cot I make Anthony get up and get him (which is painfully hard at time because I don't like hearing DS scream), but that's because he doesn't like me co-sleeping. Funny that, co-sleeping is becoming more and more frequent. Apart from that, he hardly used to wake up at night when Alex did. Alex would go on the boob and back to bed. Sometimes I would wake DF to get me a drink or a nappy if it was needed, but apart from that nada.
I find weekends the most frustrating, because that's when i feel like i don't need to be guilty of interrupting his sleep etc.
I've had 3 now & DH still won't get up through the night. If he's getting ready for work & DS wakes up he will get him & bring him in to me.
Actually the last couple of weeks I have been completely ratsh*t & not waking to DS as quickly as I normally would. I think twice now DH has woken before me & gone to get him. Only to bring him to me though.
He's never been like that before. With DD1 if we woke him up when he had to work the next day all hell would break loose. But he has a boy now & is starting to grow up.
He's still NEVER changed a nappy on the 2 little ones though. Probably 2 on DD1.
Once she gets older Shel might be willing to do more? I know how sad this is, but I keep my expectations low. That way if DH does do something to help me out, I'm blown away!
I know how this is gonna sound, but she sounds like the typical bloke/dad/mum #2 to me iykwim. (I hope that came out the way it was meant to!)
I could count the times DH has attended to our DD at night in the last 2 years on one hand - and it really doesn't bother me. Apart from the fact that we discussed our expectations of each other before and while TTC, he has a high-risk job, plus he also doesn't function well on little sleep. The only time it bothers me (a little bit) is when I'm bloody exhausted, it's 3am and I've managed maybe 1/2 an hours sleep - with a baby on my chest Saying that though, I raised my two older DD's as a single teenage parent - and never had anyone to wake up to the kids at night apart from me.
My mantra has been 'this too shall pass' - and it certainly got a workout in the last 2 years. In the big picture, this stage really doesn't last that long, and I try my best to enjoy those delicious moments in the middle of the night when everything's quiet, and I get wonderful cuddles with my DD. Because in the blink of an eye, she'll be a pre-teen (like my other two DD's) and won't stop growing - and I will miss these times.
Hi Leasha. I think it definitely depends on the couple. My DH gets up all the time. When DS was younger and I was bf'ing he would get up and do the pre-feed nappy. We pretty much share it all where biologically possible. But you defintely have to make your views and needs clear and encourage her to do the same. Partners often assume it all comes naturally to the person who carried the child and unless she is feeling the sleep deprivation she probably doesnt understand exactly what it is like. Have a think about exactly what you need and will be happy with to feel loved and supported. Also be assured it definitely does get easier as Jazz gets older but you definitely need to vouch for more support now. Big hugs.
DH gets up at night for us. in the early days (ie first 4 months) it was to get up, change and bring bubs to the bed for me to BF her, then i would wrap her up again and he would bring her back to her bed.
it was a way for him to spend time doing something that was a role for him in her upbringing in those early days, when let's face it bubba is really dependent on the boob giver. also if bubs decided to do an all night cry he would be the one treading the halls etc. or going for very early morning walks.
we choose to have children together, and this extends to being together when the child is born. Yes they work during the day, but so do we. their hours at work may be from 9-5 but ours never end. even when our partners help out we are still very much a part of that process. we need to get as much help as we can. and night-times are the most draining, especially for those of us being with bubs during the day. i can say now that being a mum who stayed home for 6 months then went back to work, that going to work is NOT an excuse for needing to sleep all night. it's bullcr*p. i am more tired and in need of more rest when i am looking after DD then on the days i go to work (where i get lunch breaks, coffee breaks etc).
I know that my DH found it really hard to help out in other respects as he felt that he had no place or role in our DDs life. especially in those early days. discussing the role that they play to you as their partner is really important, and discussing the stuff that they can do with the baby is crucial. i reckon it's a good idea to split the jobs. ie bath time, walks, dressing for the day, preparing the nappy bag etc etc. it sounds arbitrary but soon it will be just a part of your daily life. and it is fantastic to get them involved in the everyday. they may do it begrudingly at first, or different from our way, but that's ok too, relationships take time, even the ones we have with bubs, and soon it will be second nature to both of them to have eachother around.
Short answer: my DH will get up unasked if he doesn't have to go to work the next morning... which means most Friday and Saturday nights (and Sunday nights if it's a public holiday on the Monday) he will get up. Also, if I need to go to bed early, say 8pm, then DH will deal with any child that needs help between then and when he goes to bed at about 11.30pm.
Ohhh its hard isnt it? I dont think youre expecting too much of her. We all need a bit of help and support and it sucks when we dont have any (or much).
In the first few weeks after Claire was born i had a mega sore bum and girly parts and the constant getting up at nights was wrecking me. I physically couldnt sit down because of the pain. He used to tell me "cant you just make her stop crying?" and other stupid comments like that. I went off at him one night and he said was "but i have to sleep too". He didnt get it that me getting up every 2 hours for an hour didnt leave me with much time to get any sleep at all. The thing that used to really irk me was when she'd wake up and cry, and the DH would roll over and put the doona over his head and start "shoosh-ing" her. He insisted he wasnt aware he was doing it. Anyway.
I started off bringing her into our bed and cuddling her but then she'd start crying again and DH would have a hissy fit at me. So I started setting up a bunch of cushions and laying on the floor in the lounge room and feeding her while laying down. She'd fall asleep again fairly soon and then continue feeding while she was asleep, and I'd often fall asleep after about 30 mins of her feeding.
Probably in those first few months (she was waking every 2 hours ta night) and wouldnt settle unless booby... DH helped only a few times. Obviously he cant breastfeed so I wasnt expecting him to do that, but all I wanted was for him to go and get her and bring her to me, or get me a drink or so SOMETHING helpful.... When she had spewed or wee'd on the bed he'd tell me and then not do much about it.
But like Jas said, when I told him I needed more help, he told me that he feels like theres not much that he can do, because he cant breastfeed etc. I found that the more time she spent with him, the more she got used to him. She used to just want me when she was upset, but now she goes to him as well.
Anyway, he started helping me at night more when Claire was about 9 - 10 months old. When she wakes at night, he still waits for me to get up first... and then if I dont he makes a fuss and gets up. I've done plenty of all-nighters with Claire and then gone to work the next day, but its a huge deal for him to get up.
Maybe if you could get shel to help you with bathing, dressing, reading to Jazz she might feel more included? Maybe Shel could put Jazz in the pram or sling and go for a walk with her and you stay at hom and give yourself a bit of a rest. Maybe if she could get up on the nights where she doesnt have work the next day (or something like that) to help you out a bit more?
Reply With Quote
Saying that though, I raised my two older DD's as a single teenage parent - and never had anyone to wake up to the kids at night apart from me. 
Bookmarks