Ton is definately more impportant than words. Since they may not understand all your words at that age, it can help if you mirror some of their emotion so they know that you understand how they are feeling. It helped me a lot with DS when he was smaller. When he got upset I told him I knew he was upset (usually had to say it a few times) in a really sad voice and he would stop crying and look at me. Then I could explain to him (very basically) what I needed from him and we've averted many tantrums that way.