temper tantrums and depth of understanding

[1pj]

Hi ladies,i was just wondering if anyone had any opinions experiences or advice.My little 11 month old has been doing some temper tantrums lately,when shes fed up from being in the stroller and wants to get out or when she wants to be picked up etc,even in the highchair for sometimes i have no idea why,I just dont really know how to deal with it,I really dont want to end up with a spoilt brat but I really dont know how much they understand at 11 months she knows the word "NO" and wont touch if we say it but i have tried the NO when sshes doing the tannys or i ignore it and walk away and she gets worse really chucks a spacko.Is this normal?And does she understand at this age?My sister in law has a nearly 2 year old and she refuses to discipline or tell her no telling me shes too young and doesnt understand and i definetly shouldnt tell mine off because shes just exploring or expressing herself.I just dont want to have a horrible child you know?

[studymum]

Its a phase once they learn no to use it for the sake of it. DD is doing it right now. Just keep disciplining her the way you are and be firm about it and she will probably grow out of it. Its when nothing is done about the tantrums and the 'no' fits that the child ends up being that spoilt brat, seen it was to many times. IMO as soon as they learn about having attitude or pushing the boundaries thats when starting discipline is the most important. And they know quite well what they are doing. If they know they can push and get away with it they will and it will steam roll from there.

For our DD's tantrums over things like being put in the pram or highchair or being told she no in general, if she just starts having a spastic we ignore it and leave her until she gets over it, she eventually settles down when she realised it doesnt get what she wants. But if she is physically naughtly like throwing something in anger, hitting or taking it out on something we raise our voices, tell her off and she gets put in the naughty corner. At 20mths its only for one minute (not sure about 11mth if time out will work), and to come back out she must say sorry.

[Gigi]

at that age, a baby responds to the TONE of your voice, more than WHAT you say.

i remember teaching my baby not to bite me during bf-ing at that stage. She responded to a consistent, low, firm voice and being taken off the breast.

i would not personally use the Naughty Step for such a young child, my local Child Nurse Association recommends the Naughty Step to be used only on children over the age of four years (when they can begin to reason with basic logic). I'm using the "count to three" method with my three year old (maybe for last nine months?), and that is working well. we've never made it to three, i have no clue what i would do if we DID make it to three!

Being verbal is the only way such a young child can communicate. She might be telling you all sorts of things "im bored, i'm cold, i'm hot, i'm getting stiff i need to stretch, i need a cuddle, where are you? i'm hungry, i need a nappy change, i'm tired when do we go home?".

i find it hard to think of a 11 month old baby as a brat. I think it's hard for them, when they WANT to communicate with you and they can't yet. So they do the best they can, with what they have - LUNGS.

Have you ever tried your baby in a sling? baby carrier? i didn't use those, due to physical problems post c section, but many people say it calms their baby alot. (they're close to your heartbeat etc, feel secure).

[Junglemum]

Even though at 11 months she may understand what you're saying or what you mean, her brain is not developed enough for her to emotionally cope with the dissapointment of not being able to do/get what she wants. Babies need help to develop correct emotional pathways. The book "what every parent needs to know" explains all of this really well and i highly recommend it.
It helped me to see my baby was not trying to be controlling or manipulative, she was just too little to handle her emotions and needed some help.

[Twin Sister]

Ton is definately more impportant than words. Since they may not understand all your words at that age, it can help if you mirror some of their emotion so they know that you understand how they are feeling. It helped me a lot with DS when he was smaller. When he got upset I told him I knew he was upset (usually had to say it a few times) in a really sad voice and he would stop crying and look at me. Then I could explain to him (very basically) what I needed from him and we've averted many tantrums that way.