Your child's bank account

[tk1999]

Oh thank you wonderful ladies... I thought I was going crazy because DP, his family can't see an issue with it.

DP has said that if I don't give the certificate to them so they can open the account than he and I are over... there are some other issues with his parents and things that have happened since DD was born (apparently I am the cow that gave birth to their granddaughter because my best friend held DD before MIL... sorry I didn't realise there was a hierarchy and that I had to follow a list of who could hold her ) but DP has said this is the clincher for him and if I can't trust his parents then he can't trust me.

Boomba - they haven't openly said they don't trust me/us with the $$ but that is the feeling I get.

SnowyLove - that is what I am afraid of - that they have told the bank that they are DDs guardian and if I give them the BC they may do other things (gee am I paranoid much )

Arimeh - I thought DP and I could make decisions for DD as well but apparently not... apparently the time I have spent managing DPs and my own financial interests means diddly squat. I did mention that maybe they should open a new account for themselves and put the $$ in there for DD and give it to her when she is older. I got death glares and "hhhmmpphs" (you know that shrug of the shoulders, I am not talking to you motion... yep got that)

Nicambhar - no idea if they are trying to hide $$ but I did ponder it... apparently the $$ is from them and DPs grandparents (so DDs great grandparents) apparently it has been saved since we told them we were pregnant... I am sure we aren't talking millions... maybe a couple of thousand.

I just do not get the secrecy and the need for multiple accounts.

Hopefully this sorts itself out... at the moment I am not to phased if DP leaves over this... it is small and trivial but if he can't see any, not even a little bit of a problem then we have bigger problems than just this I am afraid to say

[Mum2SweetCs]

My opinion only, but from first reading this it doesnt sound like your PIL trust that you guys will last forever. For me it sounds like they want to open an account for your DD's future but dont want to give you access incase you do break up with DP...?

Hope everything sorts itself out, i think blackmailing that it will be the end of you guys from something this little (when both parties is doing it for the sake of your DD) is quite silly.

HUGE

[Lulu]

I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

[saslia]

I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

:yeahthat:

[Manhattan]

Oh TK sweetie, first of all, big hugs to you I cant believe DP is treating you with such little respect by siding with his parents, and giving you an ultimatum like that. If it was me personally, I wouldnt have an issue with say a Trust account been set up, but i do find it odd that the In laws are trying to set up an account in her name, and without even asking. If I were you, I'd be keeping that BC under lock and key. There are plenty of ways around this issue which dont involve using it.

Hoping and praying that this issue can be resolved peacefully hun

[Indadhanu]

I can see why they might want to open an account - they want to bignote themselves to your DD to (when she's old enough to understand obviosuly) by having their own little stash and saying "Here is money WE gave to you". Ok, fair enough, my grandparents did the same and at the end of the day we have items that we say each grandparent "bought us" because it was "their money" IYKWIM. Not a huge issue. Yeah it might seem silly to have multiple accounts, and in a way it is, but sone people are funny like that and like things to be acknowledged, especially if it does eventuate into a large sum, they probably just want to know that they'll have their feet kissed and their praises sung when the time comes (sorry, my own grandmother issue comin through here LOL!)
I would be telling them you won't be giving them the birth certificate, but you'll go down there with it with them (that way the bank knows who the guardian is ). Really, what bad can come of grandparents putting away some savings for DD?

It's pretty immature and a huge overreaction to say "The relationship is OVER if you don't do this". Thats a terrible thing to hang over you every time you disagree, and if thats his way of controlling your actions, I'd tell him to go move in with his mummy then.

[Jellyfish]

I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

This is how I feel also. Maybe it is because of the relationship I have with my partner and in-laws; I trust them and I feel that all of the Grandparents me, my partner and the choices we make. I don't feel they do this as a form of gaining control but as their way of supporting DD. They have always said and reassured us that there are no strings; the money is to assist in our choices and their contribution in no way entitles them to weigh in on any decision although if we are after advice they are and always will be there for us. If you feel uneasy about it though then I would trust that feeling. I would be trying to open up the lines of communication; it is unfortunate that your partner has reacted in this way because threats really don't help anyone.

[helle]

I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

Yeah I kinda of agree... when they start playing around with money I have contributed towards my DDor DS's bank account then I think I'd get stroppy.

It is a bit of a worry though that your DP is blackmailing youw ith your relationship that way. I think when a couple starts a family, or even when a couple become committed, the parents of that child should always show a united front, if there is a disagreement then you should come to a compromise before having a fight infront of PIL/Parents otherwise there are going to be weak points of display that some people have no problem taking advatage of.

Just my two bobs worth GL, I hope everything pans out ok.

[tk1999]

mum2onesweetbun - it is possible though DP and I have been together 10 years this December... we have lasted that long and 'problems' have only arisen since we found out we were pg as that is when a feeling of us vs them came along... it is a trivial thing and a shame if it ends over it. I love him dearly and thought we trusted each other and were on the same page with things... apparently not

Lulu - thank you for offering the flip side. DP tends to pull the "well it is over then" card often especially if I disagree with his parents parenting styles or wishes for DD. I am trying not to be 'controlling' as DP puts it but I can see that he would consider me controlling when I will not let him commence controlled crying with DD because his mum says it is the only way she will learn... I am the bad guy because I disagree with CC and even smaller things like not agreeing to tape down DDs umbilicial hernia... argh!

[Lulu]

Just give them the birth cert then. It certainly is a trivial matter so just let it go.

[maz]

You can get a trust account opened hon.....and depending on which bank you DONT need a birth certificate unfortuneately (dont tell them that). IS it not enough that both of you have to sign to withdraw money from DD account? Were is the trust to you guys?? Lovely thought that they are thinking about DD future...but you are the parents and you make the decissions about her life and financial well being...

now onto the PIL's???? Who exactly gave birth to your DD? Who's DD is she?? I really think they are stepping over the line and need to get back in their ranks. Its not just about the bank account..I gather its the icing on the cake and a build up of alot of things. Grandparents seem to go both ways...either neglect or go over board. Maybe you need to ask MIL if she can remember what it was like to be a first time mum with all the 'support' overwhelming her..tell her that ytou need to find your mummy feet by yourself.

in the mean time...hide DD birth certificate and ring the bank that they opened the account for DD with and tell them that you have not authorised it....2 can play at their game

[briggsy's girl]

i wouldn't be handing over DD's birth certificate for something like that - there is no need for her to have multiple accounts - she is a minor, you're co-signing with your partner (can't call him a DP given his ultimatum) - it's not like you're going to bleed her dry. if what they are trying to do is to start a trust fund for her that is tied up so that she can't access it until adulthood, then maybe there is a call for another account - but they don't need to take her birth certificate - they can ask you to accompany them.

if your partner is prepared to leave you over this, i would have big questions about your relationship - and i would be putting everything you can in place as a contingency - bank account details including balances etc. make sure DD's birth certificate is put somewhere safe. it's a pathetic thing to play with your relationship like this. he sounds rather immature. your DD is YOUR DD - she is not the child of his parents - and if one of you isn't comfortable handing over very important proof of identification, he should respect that. there is a reason they only give copies of birth certificates to the informant!

[NaeNae]

I think you know your PIL better than any of us, therefore if you have ill feelings about handing over the BC then don't do it. But DO ask yourself are you genuine in your feelings or reacting to this recent event.

If you genuinely feel "off" about handing over the BC (forgetting the recent event) then don't do it as a lot can be said for mothers instinct.

If it really is just about this bank thing then that is up to you.

Personally I do not see the need for multiple accounts for a child. I cannot see why they cannot open an account for her in their own name. I would find it pretty unusual that a bank would allow someone other than the parent or guardian to open an account for a child - has your DP had a hand to play in it?

To me something does seem off. I wouldn't give the BC personally and I would be contacting the bank society that they have (or plan to) open the account with and speak to the branch manager. Yes its behind their back but it just doesn't seem right.

Nae x