Mine was a strange experience with still no answers. I had a 2nd degree tear which didn't properly heal for 3mths. I had discharge and EXTREME pain particularly when going to the toilet. I had 2 swabs taken with the all clear. I had salt baths to try to help the tear heal. What made the pain disappear was I was in hospital about 3mths after labour with severe abdo pain (I think that turned out to be too much licorice!) and as a precaution the Dr gave me a strong dose of antibiotcs. Days later there was no more discharge and no more pain. All very weird. SO, if it happens again and swabs show nothing, I will be demanding the same antibiotics. Maybe something similar in your case?
Your poor thing, my heart goes out to you. I had a nasty 3rd degree tear with my little boy (he had really broad shoulders). Glad to say that it does get better, but it is a long road...
My best advice is to rest whenever you can. Get your feet up and don't do too much housework. The aching goes on for many months.
I could sit without too much pain after a couple of months. My midwives advised me against the donut cushions as they only make the blood run to the wound site and make the pain worse. They put me on to the little egg shell cushions. But a nice soft couch worked for me.
I had a couple of courses of antibiotics and I also relied on some strong painkillers (which were safe while breastfeeding), lots of metamucil and panadol for many months afterwards.
Make fibre your friend! I thought having a bowel movement would never be the same, but as long as I stayed soft it was ok. I used to hold a wad of toilet paper against my perineum to help with the pain.
Sex was out of the question for me until about month 7 (yes that was month 7!). It does get better though, I remember crying at night to DH saying I would never be the same again, but I am completely healed now, and expecting number 2 in April.
I don't think you can hope for it too heal any quicker than it wants to. But it will be bearable soon, and you just have to perservere I think. The best thing is time and rest, don't try to do too much!
I wish you all the best in your recovery and hope motherhood is still bringing you joy.
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