Your poor thing, my heart goes out to you. I had a nasty 3rd degree tear with my little boy (he had really broad shoulders). Glad to say that it does get better, but it is a long road...
My best advice is to rest whenever you can. Get your feet up and don't do too much housework. The aching goes on for many months.
I could sit without too much pain after a couple of months. My midwives advised me against the donut cushions as they only make the blood run to the wound site and make the pain worse. They put me on to the little egg shell cushions. But a nice soft couch worked for me.
I had a couple of courses of antibiotics and I also relied on some strong painkillers (which were safe while breastfeeding), lots of metamucil and panadol for many months afterwards.
Make fibre your friend! I thought having a bowel movement would never be the same, but as long as I stayed soft it was ok. I used to hold a wad of toilet paper against my perineum to help with the pain.
Sex was out of the question for me until about month 7 (yes that was month 7!). It does get better though, I remember crying at night to DH saying I would never be the same again, but I am completely healed now, and expecting number 2 in April.
I don't think you can hope for it too heal any quicker than it wants to. But it will be bearable soon, and you just have to perservere I think. The best thing is time and rest, don't try to do too much!
I wish you all the best in your recovery and hope motherhood is still bringing you joy.
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