Telling a woman not to push!!

[megs11]

Hi Everyone,
I just have a question...

I was watching Foxtel before and caught the end of a show where a woman was giving birth, admittedly it was American, but the woman was begging to push and saying she really needed to, and you could see the absolute struggle for her not to push, and the Midwife and her husband were telling her "no you have to wait for the doctor" (repeatedly), "blow, blow candles" (wtf???), this poor woman, I found myself wanting to push for her!!! Mind you the doctor was caught in traffic and took 20 mins to get there!!!!!!! That was the only reason she had to wait to begin pushing!!!

If you need to push you need to push!!!!! When I had my babies it was absolutely primal, the need to go with my bodies instinct was overwhelming!! At first I was trying to fight it and my whole body rejected that idea and I was grunting (how embarrassing) in an effort not to push, once I went with it, I loved it, felt great!!!!!

So my question is........

1. Has anyone ever been told not to push just to wait for a doctor (other than an emergency, prevent tearing etc, not just for him being stuck in traffic)

2. Would you have killed your husband for telling you not to push (like he is suddenly and expert) and slapped your midwife for telling you to blow candles all because the doctor is stuck in traffic?

3. Was your desire to push so strong that no matter what anyone said, you just had to do it????? And was it satisfying?

I will be interested to see what your experiences have been, my husband would have been lassoed with oxygen tubing and tied from the rafters if he tried that on me!!!

Meagan

[visitor1]

1. I was told not to push numerous times...and that was for my health and to avoid tearing. DD was no where near crowning but i wanted to push...and ive heard the 'Blow, Blow the candles' phrase too!!

2. Hubby was saying to me 'Push babe'..lol. If it was cos the dr was in traffic... i think the dr woulda been B!tch slapped when he/she walked in the door!

3. My desire not to tear over rode my desire to push!!! In the end i tore anyway cos i had a vac extraction and the dr said push.. but not 'STOP pushing'..lol

[sushee]

I was told not to push with DS1 as I wasn't fully dilated yet and my bearing down was causing the lip of the cervix to come down with the baby's head, which could potentially cause a haemorrhage. For over an hour the midwife massaged the lip of the cervis trying to get it over the head and I was asked to pant to stop me pushing, but eventually I couldn't bear the need to push, so I kicked the poor mw out of the way and bore down, birthing DS1 not 3 minutes later. There were concerns that I'd done some damage but it didn't eventuate, thank god. But that urge to push was humongous and I just couldn't fight it anymore!

I was also told not to push with Charlie as the cord was around his neck twice over (I agree with Shannon that it is nearly impossible not to push in that state) and because they needed to suck the liquid out of his lungs and nose in case he'd ingested meconium.

[megs11]

I would love to see you b!tch slap the doctor!! I am a nurse and many times have wanted to try, especially with arrogant Registrars and know it all Interns (who know nothing, they are the pits).

There is nothing wrong with being told not to push in any of your situations ie tearing and cords etc...

But because the doctor is caught in traffic??? I don't think so!!!\

I guess maybe we are luckier here than the US in so much as a lot of midwives do the delivery instead of paging your doctor to come in and get stuck in traffic

Meagan

[Bathsheba]

I was told not to start pushing yet with all my births but only briefly and mainly due to lips. I don't recall being annoyed by being told not to as my fear of tearing was greater. I've never torn (even though my last baby was born with his arm up beside his face!) and I attribute that to not pushing the minute I felt the need to.

If I was that woman waiting for her doctor to arrive i would have asked "is the cord around my baby's neck? Or "will it die if I push?" if the answer was 'no" I would have pushed. A good doula would have prevented that scenario.

[Patooties]

I was told not to push when i was giving birth to Hannah. The midwife told me to wait for my doctor. But that urge to push was so great, i really didn't have too much control over it. I was saying to the midwife "Do we really need him, (my dr) can't you just help me??!!!! Dr ended up walking in at the moment Hannah entered the world. The midwife mentioned Anterior lip - but i had no idea what she was talking about - i still don't lol. She mentioned the word 'tear' at one stage and i tried my hardest to breathe through it. (my dh was shoving the gas mouthpiece in my mouth to try to stop my from pushing - i would have liked to have shoved it somewhere else !!!!!)

[BellyBelly]

I see and hear many women not being told to push due to a lip but it's also funny that many dont suggest anything to try and help to move the lip besides pushing it back. Moving position, lunges etc are great for lips. I suggested a change of position at my last birth and they were like, well she's on the bed now and the baby is nearly here, she may as well stay there. Have not seen very many people at all suggest a change of position, they just keep telling a mother to pant and/or not push. Also, I have heard that someone well experienced in normal physiological birth should be able to distinguish the sounds of a woman pushing against her cervix. And you dont see many of them in hospital (NPC)... very rare event.

If the only reason I was being told not to push was so the doctor would be there, I would go with my body - if I am ready to push I would push... but that wont be a problem for me at a homebirth

[*LovemyKids*]

With my second birth i dialated very quickly. The midwife checked me at 7cm and then left the room 3 minutes later my body was pushing all by itself(thats what it felt like i had no control). My DH went and told the midwife and she came running back in saying no no don't push your not ready. I was sooooo scared of tearing or ripping or something but ii just could not stop. When she checked me i was fully dialated and lachlan was born after two pushes. I say go with your instincts. You body will tell you when you are ready cause mine did.

Nikki

[paradise lost]

My true labour was very short. I was examined at 2pm and was 2-3cm, 50% effaced. DD was born at 6.20pm. I already felt like i wanted to push at 2pm and the midwife said she was a bit posterior and that was why, and not to push. She went off back to the hospital (homebirth) and when she came back (with the other midwife) i was desperate to push and roaring to avoid it. She told me not to push until i had no choice.

I never got to that stage. Don't get me wrong, the urge to push was immense, far bigger than me, and it was only by force of will that i avoided it (i'm strong willed), but i always have a choice. So i did push once, when i could feel DD's ears with my fingers, and she shot out, ears to toes, and left me with a little tear. So in fact it'd have been better if i hadn't pushed at all, but then after 2.5 hours of really really wanting to, i had to try it once

Because i never got pain all over my bump, only dilation pain at my cervix, and because it was my first baby and i'd not been effaced when they checked me, they didn't believe i was in established labour yet and were pretty shocked to see the head when they went to do my 2nd VE. I'm the only woman i know who had a normal vaginal birth for #1 and DIDN'T push.

Looking back i can see i was actually in transition already by about 2.45pm, and her head came down into the birth canal at about 3.15pm (i pooped a bit then). So if i'd pushed she might have been born a couple of hours earlier. The midwife would possibly have been there to catch.

Next time i'll just bloody push when i feel like it, and catch bubs myself if the midwife doesn't make it.

Bx

[Tobily]

I've seen that episode you're talking about and I remember swearing at the TV, I couldn't believe it!!

Just another example of how hospitals expect women's bodies to birth when, how and where it suits them....infuriating!

[castle]

A close friend was asked not to push because the doctor hadn't arrived yet. She said, "Lady, you can't stop me," and her dd was born minutes later!!!
I was asked to blow during pushing during 2 deliveries, to slow the delivery of the head as it was crowning. This is a different situation of course--it wasn't too difficult--not like being asked not to push for an indefinite length of time!

[Karina]

1. Has anyone ever been told not to push just to wait for a doctor (other than an emergency, prevent tearing etc, not just for him being stuck in traffic)

No, I wasnt told to not push. I got asked "do you feel like pushing" and I said yes, so the midwife said "well then start pushing when you feel like you really need to". My daughter ended up getting a bit stuck and an Ob came in to attach aa scalp clip to monitor her. I'm pretty sure he tried to do it between contractions, but he might have asked me to stop pushing while he was getting the clip on. I cant remember!

2. Would you have killed your husband for telling you not to push (like he is suddenly and expert) and slapped your midwife for telling you to blow candles all because the doctor is stuck in traffic?

I probably would have told the midwife to shut the F up because I'm pushing now. We dont need a doc .. etc

3. Was your desire to push so strong that no matter what anyone said, you just had to do it????? And was it satisfying?

I cant remember. Its a bit of a blur. I had pethidine and it killed my memory. It was definately a strong urge to push. I'm pretty sure.

Sorry a bit off topic, but what is this lip thing and why would it mean that you cant push?

[~Saram~]

I was told not to push when birthing DD. I had just been examined at 6cm, felt a bi descent and then just wanted to push and I agree it is so unbelievably primal. I remember thinking throught transition, I don't want to push, it will be too hard blah blah but then when the urge comes it just happens and I agree it feels good, like you are actually doing something.

I was told not to push as after being examined again I was only 8-9cm (in hindsight hello I was only 6 5 min before) anyway. Dr was called and I was told to use the gas to stop. Was knee to chest to stp pushing and let the lip go. Dr walked in maybe 15miun later and I was saying I need to push and midwife was saying no and the dr literally pushed her out of the way and said, don't be stupid let her push, she is opbviously fully dilated (don't want to know how it knew that I'm hoping that it was the sound of my voice not that he could see that from half way across the room hehe)

But I agree, if I was told not to push simply becaus dr was not there I wouldn't care DH could catch the baby if the midwife wouldn't

[hannahfroodoo]

I dilated quickly too. When I arrived at the hospital, I was 3cm. An hour later I was telling the midwife I had to push. I was told to 'breathe through it' Yeah right!!! I agree, it is just such an overwhelming urge. I was trying my best not to push but my body was doing it on its own. Totally amazing experience... Anyway, 2 contractions later when I was still insisting I needing to push, she finally checked me and I was fully dilated and DDs head was already +2. So this time around, I will push when I say I am ready to push!!!

[blue daisy]

This is a great thread!

most of the time I have witnessed women being told not to 'push' so the OB can be present for the delivery....i admit that this is mostly my experience in the private sector where most of the OBs wish to deliver the baby, but I am always of the opinion that nature works on its own, regardless of who is present

as Kelly has said that many women are told not too push with an anterior lip of the cervix...and that there is no further instruction, just dont push even though you really really want to. Often a woman simply pushes the cerivx out of the way, if it is soft enough it simply slips back as the baby's head emerges past the lip. Sometimes though pushing with a lip of cerivx can cause swelling of the cervix, which inhibits the ability if the tissue to retract.

the best position to adopt with an urge to push and a anterior lip is the hands and knees position, with bottom in the air and head down...not a very glamorous position ...as this takes the pressure of the head off the cervix, reducing the pressure sensation and hopefully allowing the cervix to fully dilate with the next couple of contractions

but of course in saying all this...there is no real reason for a vaginal examination at any stage of labor, unless of course there is a good reason...but a good midwife or doctor can simply know where a woman is in her labor, and will know when a VE is required if the women does not seem to be progressing from physical and psychologial observation of the laboring woman...

a vaginal examination is necessary in a number of situations, but many practitioners believe that regular VE's is the norm rather than the exception

xx yogababy

[totalfrog]

I didn't have any VE's with the birth of my latest daughter - the midwife just told my hubby that when I could no longer control the urge to push I would push. She was right too!! Once that urge hits you it is almost impossible to stop it.

[Kaylene]

1. Has anyone ever been told not to push just to wait for a doctor (other than an emergency, prevent tearing etc, not just for him being stuck in traffic)Meagan

Yep. I was told not to push for 20 mins while the staff changed over!!

It was the 3rd staff change over during my labour. DD was moving down on her own accord and I screamed she’s coming down I have to push. They all said no NOOO!!! Wait.. Wait for the Dr...

But no matter what they yelled at me, DD was entering the birth canal with or without my help. I was quite scared that she would suffocate.

I kept panting for ages then the midwife walked in and said "Why is she not pushing" AAAHHHHHHGGGGGG!!!! (I could have killed everyone in the room except hubby, I will never forget his worried face he looked scared for me too)

The midwife could see her crown even before I started pushing. I was so darn tired I felt I couldn’t push, but they all yelled at me PUSH.. And DD was born under 2 mins and with only 2 pushes.. Don’t know if that helped or hindered. I was ticked at them but then overcome with joy when I saw my little angel.

Will be interested in reading other stories too.
K

[The[cookie]Doctor]

I know this is not really relevant, but thought i'd share anyway -
When she gave birth to my younger brother, it took 48 minutes from the time she woke up with her broken waters (6:50am), to completely birth him (7:38am).
I remember mum running around telling everyone to take their time and then dad yelling a half hour later at her that she wasnt having the baby at home, they were getting her to a hospital!
I was told the rest of the story the week she came home from hospital - the midwife was calling her a liar when mum was saying the head had crowned in the elevator. They popped her onto a bed and noah was out within two minutes.