I'm a dad too or at least like RoryRory's SAHD DH sounds. I don't give in to emotional appeals except when i gave an arbitrary response initially (like "mum can i have more orange?" *i can't be bothered peeling another one* "maybe later sweetie", "aw pleeeeeeeas?" *i realise an orange is a perfectly reasonable request and 2 oranges isn't going to induce vomiting or hyperactivity* "oh, ok then!") Interestingly DD must be easily able to tell when i am firm on a matter and when i'm just half-thinking about things because she doesn't bother making emotional appeals if it's something i'm firm on. Unlike with her dada who will do ANYTHING to let her have her way....
I definitely know and feel i'm DD's mama, and gave birth to her, but i don't suffer much from anxiety or guilt, i try to just enjoy it all. Blink and it's gone.
Bx
ETA - i have definitely had Mama-bear moments with my DD, but they are generally when the two of us are under threat (for example from a drunk belligerent adult i the street). When i am alone i hope no-one will attack me, when i have DD with me i hope i won't murder whoever attacks us. I don't get mama-bearish over normal kid interactions in general.
Flowerchild - just to answer you're question. I can say that yes, Mama Bear DOES develop, well has in Shel which I think is similar to father/adoptive parent bond IYKWIM. BUT it's no where near as strong as mine.
I am like you Bec, if I am alone (not that it happens often) I am easily intimidated. If I am with Jazz, I think I would seriously roar like a lion if anyone tried to come near us. I can literally see myself opening my mouth and roaring LMAO! I don't think Shel feels quite as strong. She is protective of course, but I'm not sure she feels that hormonal, biological urge to actually roar.
It's been amazing to me the difference i feel having a kid. Because in terms of muscle and might i'm no less helpless now than i was before i had DD, but my goodness i feel it! Where i would once have though "oh god, leave me alone" i now think "come on then try it, and we'll see!". It's obvious when you look in nature - anyone fancy getting the bearcub from the she-bear, or even the lamb from the ewe? No thanks! Too dangerous! I think my XP feels more aggressive, but not necessarily braver, if that makes sense. He will run through scenarios of what he would do the the dog that just glanced at DD if it attacked her, but i don't, i just get between her and the dog.
In the first 6 months or so I honestly felt - especially in those half-awake moments amid the sleeplessness (of which there were many) - that DS was in fact a physical extension of me. Maybe that comes from carrying him for 9 months and birthing him, I don't know.
The ferocity of that love and the need to protect can be quite startling at times.
") Interestingly DD must be easily able to tell when i am firm on a matter and when i'm just half-thinking about things because she doesn't bother making emotional appeals if it's something i'm firm on. Unlike with her dada who will do ANYTHING to let her have her way....
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