Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers ~ strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.
I was thinking this morning about this quote in Julie Doula's sig. The older my boys get the less I feel that their birth and babyhood dominates my relationship with them. For example, I was watching "Knocked Up" last night and I pondered on how much time and thought goes into having a "baby" but before you know it you a "child" - not even a toddler - and I know before I know it they will be teenagers. The thought of their birth and birth stories still brings tears of joy to my eyes but it seems so distant now, and dare I say unimportant. Now I am TTC#3 so I still don't feel my personal birth journey is over, and I definately want a repeat of my good fortune with #3's birth, but I was wondering; to what extent did my sons' births make me the mother I am?
I still get the guilts about things, worry that I didn't cuddle them enough as babies (DH says I held them constantly), take mental notes about whether they eat enough vegetables and so on, but I really am pretty relaxed about the whole childrearing thing. I had a very easy birth with Ollie (#2) and a reasonable time with Flynn (#1) and had good bonding and found breastfeeding as easy as walking - a bit painful at first but completely natural once I found my feet.
So did my experience make me this way? I wonder. And I wonder what other women think - did your birth experience set up a pattern for you? Did you move on from it quickly and establish your mothering based on other factors. Or like me, do you wonder? I would also like to know if midwives and other birth professionals notice any real pattern to this?
what an interesting thread... something to think about and then come back and post my thoughts...
I do think with DS1 I had a great birth experience and this lead to an relatively easy early motherhood journey - the whole thing was positive for me - i loved being preg, loved labour, loved bf etc - think the mindset and positivity played a great role in making me the mother i am to him.
but as i said need to ponder and then post some more..
Did Jazzy's birth make me a mother, or contribute significantly?
And did it contribute to my trust in myself, or know my inner strength?
For me... no, but at the same time yes.
No... in fact, my labour and birth with Jazzy compeltely shattered my trust in myself, and my notion of inner strength. And it wasn't until weeks afterwards that I could even call myself a mum and believe.
For me, birth did not mark the beginning (mentally) of my motherhood. It did not make me a mother. I struggled in the first few weeks being a mother, but once I fell in love with Jazz, the realisations that birth was but a moment in time compared to the experiences and lessons that I need to teach her. In the future, no one will ask me how she was birthed. No one will compare her to another child and say "oh, well you can tell she was a c/s birth"... no, they will talk about the thins I've taught her, her attitudes towards life, respect towards other... etc...
BUT, at the same time...
Going through the labour and birth with Jazz, and then later on (9-12 months later on) realised that... the fact that I had grown a baby, brought a baby into the world who was healthy and happy, and was raising this baby, breastfeeding and using gentle methods ... for me, that built my inner strangth. Waking every night to her, and not allowing her to cry helplessly without me made me realise how strong I really was. I was strong in my resolve to mother gentley. I trusted in my instincts.
It was the opposite to the labour and birth, which I felt was so hard, forced, and in some ways very violent. And I realised... labour and birth, which was a loong but ultimately a tiny tiny moment in time compared to the 9 months preceding and the years proceeding it, did NOT define me as a mother.
Hmm... well for me I feel that the actual moment was insignificant, but the realisations coming from it were the most important things for me to learn.
I think (or, i'd like to think) I parent in the way I wanted birth to do... instintual and gentle, personal, loving.
Does that make sense... it makes so much sense in my head, but hard to write LOL
Last edited by Indadhanu; October 5th, 2009 at 07:55 PM.
Yes leasha, that makes sense to me and I agree. That's pretty much my take on the quote also.
It's about laying claim to our power as mothers to bear, birth and nuture our children.
I agree Leash, I had a very medical birth with DD1, induction, forceps, stirrups episiotomy etc yet now nearly 18 years on it means nothing, I rarely think about it. I was young when I had her and probably not the best mother but she has grown up into such a lovely girl/woman that all the hard times were worth it.
I am not sure when I will feel like I am a good mother as it seems to get harder every day but I guess I feel comfortable in my role as a moher at least!
Its all part of the journey..
DS birth was my 1st like anything 1st time i learnt SOOO much. i dont dwell on it (too much) but it has made me the mother i am today, each child and birth changes me more and makes me into a different mum
its kind of like how if you didnt get heart broken by your first love you wouldnt have been on the path to have met your current partner...
1. I tried my best at labour and to some people I'm sure it looks like I failed. Epidural and forceps. To me, I was a champion. Three days of labour, posterior baby, three hours of pushing. Pain management techniques worked until the third day.
2. Breastfeeding. Tried and again, I'm sure to some people, I failed. When I got home from hospital for the first week, I got a half-hour break between trying to attach, expressing and feeding the expressed milk then a formula top-up. I went on to express for two months.
So I think my early experiences are just indicative of what sort of person I am. I'm not someone who gives up easily, I will try my damndest but at the end of the day, the only person's judgement that I respect and fear is my own.
I actually think I'm a pretty good mum but no, DD's birth and our BF experience are no longer important to me. I think being a mum is much more than that. But, on the other hand, I can totally understand how they would be traumatic.
Birth is about making mothers
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