Birth Bouncer - new career for Lulu?!!

**Phteven** · April 29th, 2008, 12:20 PM

I could have done with you at my first birth and my SIL too.
Would you believe MIL and SIL's MIL burst into her room together within 5 minutes of her baby being born and pulled her daughter out of her arms while she was trying to get her first cuddles and played tug of war with her!!!!
Then when I was in labour with Yasin she tried to push her way into the labour suite with food!! I kid you not!! Why the crazy ***** thought that anyone would want a pot of oily Afghan food while they're trying to push a baby out is beyond me

Luckily I had midwife bouncers but then she wouldn't leave until she had spoken with DH and given him the dreadful food so he had to leave me on my own to go and humour his mother. And then he wonders why I can't stand her

I crippled her at the second birth by making her babysit lol but if I ever have a surprise I might need to call on you. I give you my blessing to use excessive force...

morgan78 · April 29th, 2008, 12:33 PM

Can i use your services for birthdays & christmas as well

**shorty** · April 29th, 2008, 12:42 PM

lmao!

**The[cookie]Doctor** · April 29th, 2008, 12:57 PM

PMSL... lulu you're a crack!
Love it!

**Lulu** · April 29th, 2008, 12:57 PM

Ok - here's a list of services you can choose from.

For the passive/agressive I will stand at the maternity ward door in classic Door Biatch style. This includes a velvet rope, clipboard list sans their name. They will be given ONE chance to respond appropriately before I open a can of whoopass.

For those who believe you have no idea and should take all the drugs available I will appear in scrubs and a mask and assure them you ARE taking all the drugs and yes you are having a terrible time and are on your way to theatre right now.

I will give these people a list of other things they can do to "help" ie - go and tidy your house, make you a meal etc etc etc etc.

For those you think will not respond to the above

SAS style. I will disable their cars and/or prevent them from leaving their home or place of work using whatever means I feel is necesarry - duct tape is my personal favourite. Then subject them to a long lecture on "What We Can Do To Properly Support a New Mother". It will be totally up to you when they are released, either one day or one week.

Please note there will be a charge for this service as I will need to keep Divvy on retainer.

If you have something else you would like me to do, please let me know. Cattle prods and capsicum spray ARE available on request.

**sangie** · April 29th, 2008, 01:02 PM

thanks for making my day Lulu !

OMG Dach I think you need the full range of services that Lulu offers if you are in the need again! Oh and you might want to go with the capsicum spray option too

**Isadora** · April 29th, 2008, 01:05 PM

LMAO Yes I needed you for the birth of my DD, my MIL was a major pita!! She tired to get into the birthing room with her video camera, and then spent two whole days with me after the birth (yes even during non visiting hrs) while we were trying to recover and I was trying to establish breastfeeding. Next time I'll be calling you Lulu!!!