Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 18 of 62

Thread: Birth Bouncer - new career for Lulu?!!

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Funky Town, Vic
    Posts
    7,082

    Talking Birth Bouncer - new career for Lulu?!!

    After reading with (utter disbelief) the stories of family, IL's and friends attitude regarding their "rights" to attend births or hospitals, I am considering a career as a BIRTH BOUNCER.

    Yep, I am fully prepared to stand at the door of the delivery room for you, duct tape your MIL to her kitchen chair or disable your BILs car so they do not bother my BB friends whilst they deliver their bubs in peace.

    I am so irritated that I will probably do it pro bono.



    Special or unusual requests will be my specialty.......What do you think?

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    1,686

    Default

    That's a great idea Lulu. I haven't had that trouble myself - my family didn't come close - but I've read the stories too, and wondered "who the heck do these people think they ARE?!" If you weren't there when the baby was conceived, and you're not a midwife, and you weren't invited - DON'T COME!!!

    Do you get a uniform? What will you be armed with?

  3. #3

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    5,325

    Default

    Love it!!!!!! Oh, and I think an electrified cattle prod and a massive high pressure fire hose would be appropriate for the job

    So... How's August for you?

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Melb - where my coolness isn't seen as wierdness
    Posts
    4,379

    Default

    I could have done with your services Lulu, though I did manage to stop my family from turning up.Would have been a lot less stressful having my very own bouncer though!

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Down by the ocean
    Posts
    6,110

    Default

    Oooh I could imagine them coming off second best after a dose of Lulu

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    1,686

    Default

    I suppose you could stand at the door in scrubs and examination gloves and just snap your glove suggestively at anyone who comes close. Enter if you dare.

  7. #7

    Default

    I could have done with you at my first birth and my SIL too.
    Would you believe MIL and SIL's MIL burst into her room together within 5 minutes of her baby being born and pulled her daughter out of her arms while she was trying to get her first cuddles and played tug of war with her!!!!
    Then when I was in labour with Yasin she tried to push her way into the labour suite with food!! I kid you not!! Why the crazy ***** thought that anyone would want a pot of oily Afghan food while they're trying to push a baby out is beyond me Luckily I had midwife bouncers but then she wouldn't leave until she had spoken with DH and given him the dreadful food so he had to leave me on my own to go and humour his mother. And then he wonders why I can't stand her
    I crippled her at the second birth by making her babysit lol but if I ever have a surprise I might need to call on you. I give you my blessing to use excessive force...

  8. #8
    morgan78 Guest

    Default

    Can i use your services for birthdays & christmas as well

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    227

    Default

    lmao!

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    3,667

    Default

    PMSL... lulu you're a crack!
    Love it!

  11. #11

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Funky Town, Vic
    Posts
    7,082

    Default

    Ok - here's a list of services you can choose from.

    For the passive/agressive I will stand at the maternity ward door in classic Door Biatch style. This includes a velvet rope, clipboard list sans their name. They will be given ONE chance to respond appropriately before I open a can of whoopass.

    For those who believe you have no idea and should take all the drugs available I will appear in scrubs and a mask and assure them you ARE taking all the drugs and yes you are having a terrible time and are on your way to theatre right now.

    I will give these people a list of other things they can do to "help" ie - go and tidy your house, make you a meal etc etc etc etc.

    For those you think will not respond to the above

    SAS style. I will disable their cars and/or prevent them from leaving their home or place of work using whatever means I feel is necesarry - duct tape is my personal favourite. Then subject them to a long lecture on "What We Can Do To Properly Support a New Mother". It will be totally up to you when they are released, either one day or one week.

    Please note there will be a charge for this service as I will need to keep Divvy on retainer.


    If you have something else you would like me to do, please let me know. Cattle prods and capsicum spray ARE available on request.

  12. #12

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    1,798

    Default

    thanks for making my day Lulu !

    OMG Dach I think you need the full range of services that Lulu offers if you are in the need again! Oh and you might want to go with the capsicum spray option too

  13. #13

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    2,088

    Default

    LMAO Yes I needed you for the birth of my DD, my MIL was a major pita!! She tired to get into the birthing room with her video camera, and then spent two whole days with me after the birth (yes even during non visiting hrs) while we were trying to recover and I was trying to establish breastfeeding. Next time I'll be calling you Lulu!!!

  14. #14

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Brissy
    Posts
    2,486

    Default

    I love it LOVE IT!!! Gold you are lulu (in a yoda voice!)

  15. #15

    Default

    oooh a velvet rope aaand a list!! That's powerful stuff!!!
    I think I'll go for the duct tape and capsicum spray - even if the rope and list works

  16. #16

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Funky Town, Vic
    Posts
    7,082

    Default

    Yes, Dach I find find most morons will respond to a clipboard and a list....dunno why.

  17. #17

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    In the middle of nowhere
    Posts
    9,362

    Default

    You are a legend!!! ooh ooh I can supply capsicum spray and hancuffs (no key though DH lost mine and his).

    Where can I book you????????

  18. #18

    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia
    Posts
    8,992

    Default

    PMSL yeah you'll rack up a great legal bill with that one but I LOVE it LOL! Don't we love being illegal deviots on BB
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Share your birth intentions (birth plan)
    By BellyBelly in forum Birth Forums
    Replies: 67
    Last Post: June 19th, 2012, 04:07 AM
  2. The Assault on Normal Birth: The Ob Disinformation Campaign by Henci Goer
    By BellyBelly in forum Birth Information & Education - Articles and Clips
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: December 24th, 2009, 10:38 AM
  3. Miscarriage & Loss - Your Stories and Loss Support
    By BellyBelly in forum Your Stories of Loss
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: July 9th, 2007, 09:08 AM
  4. Natural Birth & Vaginal Birth - The Difference
    By BellyBelly in forum Homebirth, Waterbirth, Breech & Lotus Birth
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: January 5th, 2007, 04:19 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •