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Thread: A bit of a vent

  1. #1

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    Red face A bit of a vent

    there's just something that has been bugging me lately, since i gave birth to Zac 10 days ago... Just wondering if anyone else has felt the same, or maybe i'm being over-sensitive and hormonal!!??



    I've had 2 beautiful births. Evan was born after a 7 hour, 23 minutes pushing with no interventions or drugs, other than stitches. Zac was born after a 3 hour labour, 7 minutes pushing again with no interventions or drugs. What is bugging me is the reaction from people that declare how luck i am that it was so "easy", and how if childbirth was that "easy" for them they'd have lots of children etc etc.

    That annoys me because I spent months preparing for both of those birth experiences. I didn't sit on the couch for 9 months eating junk. I read lots and lots of articles and books on birth and pregnancy and decided how i wanted it to be for us, and was proactive in making that happen. I ate well, and did low impact excersise (mainly walking), especially in the weeks leading up to the birth. I also had acupuncture, and spent lots of time listening to relaxation music and bonding with my baby in the womb. During labour i made sure i was active and walking around and doing what i felt i needed to do. With Zac i had written a birth preferences document that was quite detailed and specific, and made sure my midwife and Ob respected it all (and asked for their input and experiences etc). I birthed Zac on my knees, i allowed him to push through at his own pace (thus not requiring stitches). And what's more is that the three hours of labour with Zac was SO FAR from easy it is a joke to consider it easy!!!!! It was very intense pain, but i didn't ask for drugs because i knew that wasn't what i wanted for my child birthing experience. There definately came a time i was screaming out saying "i can't do it anymore!", but I did do it. And it was the most empowering experience of my life, mainly because i felt so proud that i had done it the way i wanted to do it, as a result of 9 months of hard work and reading etc. To tell me i had it "easy" feels like taking that sense of achievement away.... anyone understand what i mean?? I would love for someone to say "well done!" instead of "oh you are so lucky to have it so easy!".

    OK that's my little vent over with...!

  2. #2

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    Well done! Childbirth is by no means easy regardless of how long or short it was or whether you had drugs or not.

    I have had 1 natural and 3 c/s.

    Also Congrats on the birth of your son

  3. #3

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    You did a great job Those people are probably just trying to vent their disappointment at their own birth experience.

  4. #4

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    7 hours is not easy or lucky its still a long hard time!!!

    well done and a fantastic job at that!!

  5. #5

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    I agree with rosehannah.

    I have had similar feelings, and have de-briefed myself in here. Childbirth is never easy for anyone, and it is really unfair for people to diminish your own experience. As someone else said to me on BB, it's a shame they can't just say "well done, good on you, can I cook you a meal sometime?". Unfortunately, a lot of people seem to turn their own personal disappointment into criticism of others.

    Please continue to live on that wonderful high, and feel immensely proud of yourself. You KNOW you did a great job, not just in labour, but in the months leading up to Zac's birth. No one can take that away from you.

    BTW, have you written a birth story? I find that reading over mine makes me feel oh so wonderful about DS birth all over again

  6. #6

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    LG, I think it's fantastic that you had the birth experience that you worked so hard for - and you deserve many congratulations for your efforts rather than dismissal that it was "easy". From what I've heard, the short labours can be the most intense of them all - and each labour is intensely challenging in its own way. You should definitely feel proud at what you have achieved.

    Perhaps what people mean when they say that you are 'lucky' is that you are fortunate that circumstances allowed you to have the births that you worked so hard for? I don't think that I have expressed this very well, but I did as much preparation and planning as you, and exercised and did all of the things to facilitate a natural birth, but the circumstances transpired that I was not to have a natural labour, and resulted in an emergency c/s because he got stuck after a long posterior labour. It turned out that I had a narrow pelvis which had never been picked up. I'm not upset at the experience that I had, or bitter that I had done all of this work leading up to the event because I know that I did everything I possibly could to achieve the birth that I wanted, it just wasn't meant to happen. But hey, I might have ended up with a bloody big scar, but I also ended up with a beautiful healthy son!

    So perhaps as well as the hard work and preparation there is a little bit of 'fortune' involved in giving birth - we had such similar lead ups to our births but such different outcomes (and all on the same day too!! LOL!). I think that we should both be proud of what we have achieved!!

  7. #7
    CatherineL Guest

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    I absolutely agree with you LG... People are quite rude when they find out what my labor was like and say 'gosh, she just fell out' or 'how lucky you are to have an easy labor'. They say it like it didn't even hurt or I haven't earnt my medel as a woman because I didn't experience a 30 hour labor and have a tear down to my knee or something. I almost feel ashamed to talk about it now with my experience to peoples reactions.

    I do feel very grateful that my labor went very smoothly, but I think a great deal of that was because I remained calm and also did some preparation. The MW told me that short labors are very intense and our bodies were working extremely hard - What took others 20 hours to do, our bodies did all that work in 3 hours!

  8. #8

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    Oh I Know! I get that all the time so I'm reluctant do talk about how quick mine were. As if it was a walk in the park

    The MW told me that short labors are very intense and our bodies were working extremely hard - What took others 20 hours to do, our bodies did all that work in 3 hours!
    Catherie I'll remember that!

    There was a thread about this a while ago. I'll try to find it.

  9. #9

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    I guess it's a compliment that all your hard work paid off, making it look easy! You know you're good at something when you make it look easy (Just trying to put a positive spin on it )

    Absolutely, no birth is a walk in the park (altho I spose there must be some out there who truly find it easy hehe) .. everyone goes through a lot of hard work getting these bubs into the world safe & sound. Sounds like you did a wonderful job achieving what you wanted with your births.

  10. #10

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    Thanks everyone
    I should point out that by no means did i mean to suggest that anyone who has had interventions/pain relief didn't do the right things leading up to labour. I am just sharing my experiences.
    I do think a lot of it has to do with people's own experiences and their own disapointments or unresolved emotional issues surrounding birth.
    And yes i have also had people comment on babies just 'popping' out.. WT??! If only they'd seen me...
    I'm not glad that others of you have felt the same in this sense, but it is comforting to know that you understand my disapointment at some people's reactions when i say i had quick labours.

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by LG View Post
    Thanks everyone
    I should point out that by no means did i mean to suggest that anyone who has had interventions/pain relief didn't do the right things leading up to labour. I am just sharing my experiences.
    You were fine LG - you didn't come across like that at all!

  12. #12

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    I have had three short labours and get these comments all the time too. People can be a little in sensitive.. My three were very intense and felt alot longer than the three hours that they were.

    Congratulations and well done on a short but intense labour.

  13. #13

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    I think people just equate quick birth = easy birth when that's just not the case.

    Any birth is hard work and if you've had a quick labour your body is still doing all the same things as someone who has a 12 hour labour - it just goes through the process at four times the pace. That in itself can make for a very full on, intense experience where you don't have a lot of "lead in" time to warm up to what's happening and things happen very quickly. In some ways it can be argued that is harder to cope with than having a 12 hour labour in which it's only the last few hours that are very intense.

    Birth is hard work no matter how long it takes!

  14. #14

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    Well done, LG! I am inspired by your hard work, and I think you should share it with others as much as possible! (Perhaps before revealing how short the labours actually were, LOL)
    I had a really satisfying birth, but when I tell people that I was in labour for round about 20 hours they all make pity-noises! But in reality it was because it took so long that I was able to do it without drugs, I reckon. And therefore, that was part of why it was so satisfying IYKWIM. I think anyone who has a short labour is amazing for going through all that in such a short space of time. So again, well done and I'm inspired to work a bit harder during my next pregnancy at keeping fitter

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