Does anything...and I mean anything at all hurt more than child birth?

[AnyDream]

Fantastically interesting question, I'm enjoying reading people's frank description of the relativity of their pain/sensation in childbirth.

I'm loving ppl saying "gallstones is worse than childbirth". I'm currently having gallstone attacks (yes I need morphine to cope with them) and I'm aware that I'm at the very extreme end of the spectrum BUT childbirth was worse for me than my gallstones. I'd rate the severe pain from gallstones as an 8-9 but childbirth took me into the 10 zone.

However from all my reading and listening to women's experiences, I'm aware that this is not normal at all and probably a poor reflection on the hospital I was in at the time. Or maybe I'm just wired differently to other women.

ETA: In defence of whatever it was that HP's mum wrote, pain that is 10/10 is probably just about as extreme as it gets. It was painful enough to cause me to leave my body and go to the jumping off place, to look my death in the eye. I had to fight to stay here, to stay alive. I'm sorry if that is scary to whoever reads it but both HP's Mum and myself are still here so and in the end that's what matters. In contrast, my neighbour across the road was the one-in-a-million woman who felt exactly ZERO pain during any of her 3 births, only went to the hospital with her first because she was feeling a 'heavy' sensation. It was the baby descending through the birth canal, it crowned just after she waddled through the door. I'm sure that's not normal either. But I'd like to think that BB is a place where every woman's experience is honoured and validated, no matter how extreme or strange it might seem to everyone else.

[AliBaby]

I'm enjoying reading people's frank description of the relativity of their pain/sensation in childbirth.

Me too! I think it is so interesting to know how different people view the idea of pain and what it is to them as it is so true that everyone rates pain differently and we all have different pain thresholds.

I cant believe some of the terrible accidents or medical problems some people have gone through! It really does show how amazingly strong we are as women!

I dont think men would be able to cope with the different types of pain that different ladies on BB have experienced. My DP whinges and carries on when he has a cold!!!!!

[~breeze~]

I dont think men would be able to cope with the different types of pain that different ladies on BB have experienced.

Yep, I totally agree!

[Tobily]

Having never had broken bones or any serious injuries or chronic illnesses before I had my kids - yes, childbirth was the most painful thing my body has ever experienced.

Yet after a 20 hour labour with our first one, I told my DH less than an hour after she was born that I wanted another one asap. Such is the power of happy birthing hormones!

I get asked about the pain factor alot from the mum's I work with...there are some doulas and midwives that like to minimise references to pain and give it other names - while I understand that intellectually and appreciate that there are women for whom this approach works, I don't talk about pain in that way. Primarily I guess because that wasn't my own experience of it, my labours hurt! I guess I don't feel that you can prepare for something unless you know what it is, so I tend not to sugar coat it. But in saying that birthing is painful, the pain is also transformative and it has a purpose - we come through it transformed from women into mothers. It also plays an important role in keeping mother and baby safe during birthing and in triggering responses and events that are important in the process. So for that reason we can embrace it and know that it's not something to fear. It is most definitely not the same as having your leg chopped off.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I'll quote that old chestnut, too, as an addendum to my previous post:
Fear=Tension=Pain
without a doubt! That was one thing missing from my birth experience, fear, which meant the others weren't present in that terrible trifecta

[Freya]

I'll quote that old chestnut, too, as an addendum to my previous post:
Fear=Tension=Pain
without a doubt! That was one thing missing from my birth experience, fear, which meant the others weren't present in that terrible trifecta

Ditto ditto ditto

[Janie]

I'll quote that old chestnut, too, as an addendum to my previous post:
Fear=Tension=Pain
without a doubt! That was one thing missing from my birth experience, fear, which meant the others weren't present in that terrible trifecta

Ditto ditto ditto I can honestly say that I had not one iota of fear in me going into my labour - and I really think it made a difference.

[~breeze~]

I'll quote that old chestnut, too, as an addendum to my previous post:
Fear=Tension=Pain
without a doubt! That was one thing missing from my birth experience, fear, which meant the others weren't present in that terrible trifecta

Hmmmm, I had NO fear coming into my second labour but it was still painful for me.......

[krysalyss]

Well I am going to give my experience of labour but it is different for everyone and I don't think you can necessarily prepare yourself from someone else's experiences. My labor experience of pain was very negative but I am going to post it because people who have these experiences are as normal as those who have great labor experiences. I had a posterior baby and a bad reaction to the induction drug causing tonic contractions. I also have had bad experiences in my life which likely impacted on my birthing experience. I controlled the pain of my contractions through breathing and eventually gas. When I went to the bathroom and had to come off gas the pain was incredible. I was honestly traumatised by the amount of pain and the birthing experience and thought I was going to die. My lifeline was my partner who I eventually got into a headlock lol. But somehow I got through it and although I am glad I wont be doing it again, I am doubly glad for having my most amazing little son who has just captured my heart and made what I went through worth it. I had lots of support (my mil is a midwife plus my DH), prepared myself as much as I could physically and mentally, and was actually looking forward to the birth at the time. I think you can get overly scared by the prospect of birthing and all you can do is be as educated as you can. I personally suspect the last few tiring weeks of being stretched and huge are so we get over being pregnant look forward to the birth. LOL

[krisp]

But I'd like to think that BB is a place where every woman's experience is honoured and validated, no matter how extreme or strange it might seem to everyone else.

I second that, we all have different birthing experiences, some are just horrific and some are blissful. Each experience is as valid as the next and BB is often the one place where we feel free to be open and honest. It may scare some people but it's OUR truth. Please lets all accept each other as we are, scarey stories, sad stories, wonderful experiences and ugly truths.

We are who we are - wonderful, strong and HONEST women...

[Lolli]

I think this is a fantastic thread because it shows how very individual everyone's birth- and everyones defintion of pain and fear- is.

I have found that very few women ever talk about all birth, the gory bits or the good bits. Talking about it like this- in an open, honest way, where everyone's opinions should be respected, and people can tell the truth- surely that has to be a good thing. Personally, I think that lifting the veil of mystery and silence on birth is a fantastic way to empower women, and have them thinking about what they want out of their birth experience and how to get that to happen.

Opening the lines of honest communication is a good thing for all concernced- we need to know that many other women have been through this, they came through it just fine, and for many it was an uplifiting, powerful experience.

Thanks for starting this thread Ali As I said earlier- knowledge is power. Good on you for wanting to know

[Smoke Jaguar]

Danielle - that's not a saying I made up myself, it's a well known one that absolutely applied to my birthing experience. No fear, no tension and there was nothing I could actually call 'pain'. There was nothing I thought I wouldn't survive or that I couldn't handle or get through. I wish everyone could have the experience I had, though a lot of women aren't prepared to do the homework I did. It's really worth it

[paradise lost]

I think it's so interesting how we have all experienced our different kinds of birth and pain in our lives!

I wanted to add some thoughts now the thread has grown so much.

Re: relaxation - i think it is undoubtedly true that "going with" the sensations of labour, and not allowing fear to bring tension into the body will improve the labour experience for EVERY woman. I remember becoming tense several times during labour and the contractions became very difficult to deal with until i found my mojo again. However, all of us have different bodies, and all of us feel pain and handle pain differently, and all of us, inside, have different pain nerve and neural paths and there WILL be some women for whom labour will be very painful, no matter HOW well relaxed they are.

Accepting that there will be some pain can be a means to letting go of fear, it needn't insight greater fear. I actually thought, in pregnancy, that labour was going to be the most agonising experience of my life, and i was very pleased it wasn't and very surprised too - my imagination outstripped my experience! But then i AM experienced with pain - i HAVE broken bones, torn soft tissues and suffered injuries, including some unfortunately in my genitals. Having something to compare it to HAS to make a difference, doesn't it?

I think that how we react to pain can make a real difference - someone on a previous page wrote that they broke their arm in pregnancy and couldn't have painkillers and it was a sharp pain but they handled it..? I do not like sharp pain.

The sprained ankle i found worse - it was sharp and then hot and insistent and relentless and i felt sick to my stomach trying to cope with it.
The cigarette burn i found worse - it was sharp and sudden and buzzed on like a vibrating needle in my skin for hours and hours.
The broken collarbone was worse - everytime the horse leaped and stretched to clear the jump i forced my hands to "give" so i wouldn't pull her mouth and i felt the ends of the bone grate across one another and a hot sharp fire of pain burned down to my hand and up to my ear - it was terrible!
The broken footed half marathon hurt more - the pain started as a sharpish jolt everytime my foot hit the ground, and after about 3 miles turned into a round constant ache with a jab in there every step. By the end of the race, 10 miles later, as far as i was concerned my leg ended half way down my shin and below that i just had a painful throbbing stump, i kept expecting to see my shoe full of blood (metatarsal stress fractures can become complete fractures suddenly and rupture through the top of the foot) and being amazed when i didn't. I had a hot stone in my stomach from bearing the pain so long when my body told me the whole way to STOP RUNNING.

With labour for me, the pain began slowly, was a warm, round aching sort of pain (as opposed to a sharp, jabbing sort of pain) and there was none of that "alarm" feeling i get when i'm injured until transition, and even then, somewhere inside i knew it was transition and didn't take myself 100% seriously, ikywim. It wasn't relentless because it kept stopping and going away for a while, and those breaks just felt like a cool drink of water on a hot thirsty day to me - it was WORTH getting thirsty to have them! The only two moments of labour i can say were painful for me were the moment when her head came through my cervix (that last bit of stretching of the cervix was sharp and sudden in my labour!) and when i felt my bones opening as i sat on the loo, just as she began to crown - i felt the bony ridge of her head with my fingers and thought, in my labour-numbed mind, that it was MY pelvic bones falling out! I had NEVER felt pressure like that, of someone coming OUT of me! It was immense, but also joyful and incredible. It made me want to laugh in amazement and weep with awe, i felt every emotion there is in that moment and i loved her for it - maybe HER life flashed in front of me?

I think the thing that's coming through from all of these posts most strongly is the consensus that the emotions and physical sensations of childbirth CAN be painful, but aren't definitely going to be, and even when they are, the experience brings us our children, and with them fulfillment and joy we had previousl only imagined.

To all you pregnant ladies waiting, i am so jealous! I'm broody as heck, and i loved the birthing experience, i cannot WAIT to go back for more! I'd do it on your behalfs but i'd feel guilty for taking such an incredible experience from you.

Bx

[krysalyss]

I wish everyone could have the experience I had, though a lot of women aren't prepared to do the homework I did. It's really worth it

????
Birth and labour isn't an exam that if you study hard you get an A+. Many women who have bad experiences do prepare and do their 'homework'. I know my bad labour experience didn't come because I didn't put the effort in. One of the reasons why I posted is so that women who do have bad experiences don't think it is somehow their fault. Yes there are tools to help, yes there is pain relief and methods of coping. But lets not make this into who is the better mother because of their birthing experience. If I have misunderstood your intention please let me know.

[Mumma2three]

Yes sometimes the problem is that a woman is so prepared and then things go the other way. That's why it's good to hear all sides of the story! That way if you have no expectations, but are aware of all your choices or scenario's, it's less likely to be so disappointing if things do go totally the opposite way to what you had "planned".
I don't believe in my case no fear meant no pain. I was actually really excited just before I hit second stage labour. I'd had no first stage and was just waiting (waters had broken that morning) and thinking how easy it was going to be, and then the most almighty contraction hit. It was in fact transition looking back and I can say now I have NEVER experienced anything like it! I am still amazed when I think back on it, it was mind blowing!!
For me birth two was far more painful, even though it was the birth I had prepared for, done yoga, meditated, decided on pain free, had my TENS, had all the breathing down patt etc, and it was far worse than number one when I was in labour for 12 hours and wasn't prepared at all. And I was scared big time. I remember asking three different Dr's about the pain and just being almost obsessed by the whole thing (fear of the unknown). But it was ok.
Wonder what htis time will bring/???

[krisp]

I thought I was super prepared the first time. I had been seeing an acupuncturist all the way through my pregnancy, spent time in the last few weeks visualising the birth, sourced and bought specific birth-related relaxation cd's, spoke to my unborn son and let him know he shouldn't be afraid that his Mummy and Daddy were waiting for him and we would love and protect him and I read and re-read numerous books on calm birthing techniques. I even left work 9 weeks before I was due to leave my job behind and prepare myself as much as possible for my new role as a Mum.

Sadly none of that extensive homework did the trick and after a long, painful and somewaht traumatic labour he arrived by emergency CS. I don't think I could have done more homework if I tried. Homework isn't a guarentee of a fabulous birth.

Truth is there is not ryme nor reason to it, there is no special preparation or homework you can do. Birth is unpredictable, each baby's journey is different, and each birth unique.

I also feel sad that I won't experience birth again, I don't think I could cope with another child but I would glady birth again. I would even happily be a surrogate but I'm too old now!

Our family is complete, so no more birthing experiences for this little back duck!

[aussiewillow]

I had a knee reconstruction where they had to break the bone for something. Apparently the pain i felt after that is supposed to be worse than child birth (according to the doctors).. So I think im set