My VBAC plans are pretty much out the window. I din't know where else to put this, I don't feel like I belong in VBAC support anymore, and I can't bring myslef to use the C/Sect one.
Things have been positive and with my very supportive Ob I have been planning a VBAC all along. I knew I could quite possibly come up against some obstacles at the end, but was very prepared, and have done everything I can think of to get this to happen.
Today I went to my Ob appt, and he did a quick scan to just check that we weren't up against any medical complications - and there they were. A lack of fluid and the placenta beginning to calcify. Which in a nutshell is that I'm in dangerous territory with the baby's health and safety, and ideally I now need to book in to have a c/s by the end of the week. If I choose not to, he said he will support me, and it is ultimately my decision, but medically speaking this baby needs to come out sooner rather than later.
What a smack in the face - after all my preparation (including acupuncture this morning - so I was expecting labour to begin sometime within the next 24 hours) the one person who let me down is the one person I least expected it from - Me! And even if I do go in to labour, my chances are still slim, because like last time baby is nowhere near engaged, and with the lack of fluid it is just not promising at all.
What I really don't feel comfortable with is booking a date - never have liked that idea. I never liked the idea of choosing what day and time to have my cat put down, how can I choose a day and time to have my baby born? I'd prefer it to be like last time in a way. Last time although I didn't get the vaginal birth I wanted, I gave it a go. Then finally I made the decision to have a c/s. This time I'm unlikely to get to attempt, and the c/s needs to be done.
I now can't stop crying, and thinking about the cold theatre, and the fact it is all planned out. What state I will be in afterwards, the fact that I won't even be able to pick up my son if he needs me to. I had a fantastic recovery last time, but that was because I was happy with how it all went... I don't think I will be feeling that this time.
I know I shouldn't beat myself up about this - I have said all along what will be, will be. But, I need to grieve the loss of my choices.
I'm so sorry MT. It sucks when it's taken out of your control. I was so prepared for my first birth but ended up being induced due to PE. I too was upset but i soon came to terms with it when i saw my placenta and how deteriorated and black it was. My OB made the right call and most likely saved my babies and possibly my life. It is dissapointing, but all along you were hoping to do the best thing for you and your baby, right now it seems a c/s might be the best thing. Given that your OB is so supportive it doesn't seem like they would be rushing into this lightly. You can still have choices, even if you have to have a c/s. xxxxxxx
*big hugs*
I dont know what i can do, but sending you all the labour vibes I have. I really hope things go as you hope. Stay positive, and wishing you the best. just because there is a date, doesn't mean its locked in. things can still happen and move! I really hope your baby decides when to come.
*hugs*
You haven't let anyone down!!! Please don't say that!!! Your plans for a vbac should stay as they are! If you can go until the end of the week, then you can certainly go into labour before then. Also an induction doesn't necessarily mean csec. Lots of people have drug free vaginal births after inductions.
Also it is very common for second babes to stay disengaged until right before labour starts.
You can do this!!!
Prepare a space in your room and make a little alter, with a candle and welcome your baby into your mind and heart. Bring on the baby!!!!
Oh Amanda I'm so sorry to read this please don't feel like you have let yourself down. Really there is only so much you can do to prepare, sometimes things are just out of your hands. It's still crappy, and not fair, and shouldn't be happening, but you have done everything you could.
Thanks everyone. No, they won't induce me. The c/s would be classed as elective and booked in. That decision will be made tomorrow morning. Most likely will happen on Thursday or Friday. So yes there is still a chance I will go in to labour, but with the baby no where near the cervix to put pressure on it to open up it is likely that I won't progress, resulting in an emergency c/s. That is what happened last time, only last time I got to be induced first because there was no previous history.
Oh MT
I know in your heart you know what's right, but it certainly doesn't take away the awful feelings surrounding it.
I understand wholeheartedly. With Nate I was so prepared for my VBAC but my uterus had ruptured and there was nothing I could do about the section. But the grief was still there, for a long long time.
Whatever you and DH decide, let yourself grieve. Whether it be real or perceived, if you brush it away it will come back and haunt you.
Your Ob sounds so great though so I'm sure that if you ask, your c-sec can be just as empowering.
You HAVE NOT let you down, you are doing all you can.
I've been avoiding BB but still keeping an eye on you. This is SO familiar to my story with DD1 - do you ever remember reading it? My placenta was starting to calcify and my cord wasn't in good shape either. I know the devastation that you are feeling - its like your heart is ripped out and stamped on a thousand times I cried and cried and cried when they told me I would have to have a c-section for her, I didn't want one!!! They classed mine as an elective too - my butt its elective, we don't have a CHOICE about it.
Good luck honey - I'm still around on facebook if you need to chat xxxxx
Yes I do remember Mel, in fact I even thought of it in my grief yesterday. You got it in one about how I'm feeling about it all too. Especially the 'elective' c/s bit.....
Thankyou for keeping an eye on me - it means alot!
oh MT I don't have any great advice, but just wanted to give you lots of
Will be thinking of you and give me a call if you want to have a chat or cry. Take care xxoo
MT, I saw your post in the dinner/drinks thread about your c/s and went "what have I missed here?"
I'm so sorry this has happened - you've been given lots of great advice in this thread already - the only thing that popped into my mind when I was reading your first post was "How lucky you have a supportive Ob who thought to do the scan in the first place and check things out!"
MT I hope you don't have to have the c/s but if you do having it as an elective you can do some things that you might not be able to do with an emergency c/s. You can ask your OB to make sure your baby is placed on your chest straight after birth and that s/he stays with you in recovery. Usually they can plan for you to do that if it is requested in advance. Can you talk these things through with your OB so that you can plan for a better experience? I will be thinking of you!
Oh hun . The elective thing bugged me for sooo long too. I had a c/s due to placenta praevia and we checked to see if the placenta was far enough away at 37 weeks - no joy.
I refer to my c/s as a 'scheduled' c/s, because there's no way it was 'elected' by anyone! It made me feel so much better when the m/w filling in my c/s forms asked me why I was having a c/s and I was able to give a medical reason that was entered on the form, so at least they knew I wasn't just there because I hadn't investigated the alternatives.
And FWIW because my ob was also understanding about my disappointment he did a great job of making my DD's birth a positive experience. While it wouldn't be my first choice, apart from my disappointment at not being able to have a vb, I was still able to celebrate her arrival.
You still have time for that accupuncture to work, hun. You can also write down a birth plan for a c/s. That way you can at least stipulate some of the important things you want done, especially post-birth.
I can really understand where your coming from... I planned my natural birth to (an open minded) T, and then ended with a c/s. It's a gutting feeling when it's all out of your hands isn't it? The only advice I can think of is that the positive in all this is because you know about it you can have your post birth experience how you want it. Bub placed on your chest straight away, in recovery with you, etc. Have someone stay with you in recovery and at the ward to pick up bub for you for cuddles.
There is still time for it to happen naturally, but what it comes down to is getting a healthy bub out. Keep thinking about how wonderful its going to be to finally meet your little one! Wishing you all the best, I'll be thinking of you!
Feeling so very very disappointed....
Reply With QuoteI was so prepared for my first birth but ended up being induced due to PE. I too was upset but i soon came to terms with it when i saw my placenta and how deteriorated and black it was. My OB made the right call and most likely saved my babies and possibly my life. It is dissapointing, but all along you were hoping to do the best thing for you and your baby, right now it seems a c/s might be the best thing. Given that your OB is so supportive it doesn't seem like they would be rushing into this lightly. You can still have choices, even if you have to have a c/s. xxxxxxx
please don't feel like you have let yourself down. Really there is only so much you can do to prepare, sometimes things are just out of your hands. It's still crappy, and not fair, and shouldn't be happening, but you have done everything you could. 
Thanks everyone. No, they won't induce me. The c/s would be classed as elective and booked in. That decision will be made tomorrow morning. Most likely will happen on Thursday or Friday. So yes there is still a chance I will go in to labour, but with the baby no where near the cervix to put pressure on it to open up it is likely that I won't progress, resulting in an emergency c/s. That is what happened last time, only last time I got to be induced first because there was no previous history.
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