First time Dad!! Advice for Blokes for the birthing process?

[Cassius2]

I resonate with the other PPers. Stay close to her and be there for her. You are her advocate and in time of birth she will feel and will be vulnerable (birth reminds us of our primal origins lol). Birth partners role is to be supportive and protective. Be her voice when she has none. Make sure that you have a copy of the birth plan on you at all times. (especially if you guys do have some things that you really really want to avoid or promote...ie skin to skin, or delayed cord clamping..sometimes in the euphoria of the labour and birth and the changeover of staff etc, wishes in the birth plan can be skipped without them needing to be).

One thing to remember is that you are an integral part of the birth journey. there have been countless studies done now that show that the birth partners (whether men or women!) also produce insane levels of the 'love hormone' oxtytocin during this time. sooo, to help achieve that: keep calm and carry on lol! oxytocin is inhibited by fear and adrenaline, so you two gotta get your calm on and a smile on your dial
naturally produced oxytocin is a wonderful thing, the baby loves the smell and helps with bonding for everyone.

HTH and goodluck with this amazing journey!

[veus]

The fact that you asked means you're on track in my books.

I just wanted DH to be there. To be my logic, strength & voice when I need to concentrate on other more important matters.

Physically he attended some pre-natal classes (eg. Calmbirth) with me & learnt various methods of supporting (light massages, rocking, etc) to help when needed. He also learnt abt the different stages of labour etc so he knew roughly where I was at. We had discussed abt when the going gets really tough & if I want to give up, he needs to reassure me with specific examples so I know I can do it.

When it comes closer to the time, help ensure she's all relaxed & ready to go. Sounds simple but little things matter. I dunno why. Maybe just my OCD tendencies.

Other stuff that I can think of:
- organise & take her to a baby moon (if u can)
- if ure homebirthing, there's another list I'm sure

Like I said the fact that you asked means ure on your way there.

have a great journey!!


Sent from my smart phone using Tapatalk.(Occasional fat fingers syndrome might occur)

[daddykisses]

Thanks guys.. Some handy hints there..

I've just booked myself in for a beerandbubs course aswell.. It looks really good too

[Cassius2]

Thanks guys.. Some handy hints there..

I've just booked myself in for a beerandbubs course aswell.. It looks really good too

that does sound awesome!

[BellyBelly]

Ive heard lots of good things about beerandbubs, she has written a book too, cheers to childbirth I think. If youre in Melb Rhea Dempsey's Birthing Wisdom classes are phenomenal, for men and women.

[hj1981]

Tip #1 - your damned if you do and your damned if you don't! so don't feel bad in anyway if she gets cranky at you

Tip #2 - when it comes to massage, don't be surprised or feel bad if the midwife "does it better" and your wife dosen't want you touching her!, any good midwife will teach you have to massage and will give you a "look" for when is the right time to touch/massage and when is the not so best time

Tip #3 - you may feel scared seeing your wife in pain, but try and remember yourself its "good pain" and if your wife wants no drugs, than try and advocate for her, stick up for her when drugs are being suggested to her at such a time when she is unable to say to stick up for herself.

At the end of the day remember Tip#1, i think that no matter what happens' for writing this post and asking these questions your already are making it a rememberable experience for the both of you

Good luck, and enjoy every minute of it

[HotI]

Take your ring off your finger. If your partner wants to squeeze your hands, having a ring on can hurt (you) lots.

[e_p]

lots of great ideas from everyone else! I just wanted to add that if your DW is planning on breastfeeding it might be worth finding and attending an ABA class together before bub arrives - breastfeeding can take time (and sometimes a lot of tears and frustration) to establish and an informed, supportive partner can make a huge difference to establishing breastfeeding

I'm in Melbourne and recently had my first bub - my DH found Di Diddle's antenatal classes really useful. He was a wonderful support to me during labour

All the best!!

[daddykisses]

Take your ring off your finger. If your partner wants to squeeze your hands, having a ring on can hurt (you) lots.

Ooh!! I didn't even think of that! All I was thinking was protecting the jewels with a cricket box!!

Good pointer!!

[Cassius2]

Ooh!! I didn't even think of that! All I was thinking was protecting the jewels with a cricket box!!

Good pointer!!

[LuluHB]

I think everyone else has already given great advice, but I would add to try not to have too much of a preconceived idea of what's going to happen and how, as well as how you think you're going to react.

I'm a very touchy feeling person, as is my DH. Like others have said, I couldn't bear to be touched, didn't want to be told what an awesome job I was doing etc, didn't want him to wipe my head or feed my ice chips. Basically I wanted to be completely left alone. Don't get me wrong though - I needed him there and just his presence in the room was a huge support. My first birth was 34 hours long and so DH wised up pretty quickly and he and the midwife had lovely chats and left me be. When I needed them to shut up when things got more intense they did.

Similarly, don't be surprised if you feel differently throughout the birth than you expect you will. My DH never had any intention of not being with me, but was pretty sure he didn't want to know what was going on "down there". I was perfectly happy for him to stay around my head but as it turned out, out of necessity he had one of my legs over his shoulder massaging my cramp, but once he found himself there ended up taking an enormous amount of interest and joy in telling me what was going on, feeling DD's head coming out etc. He surprised himself and I think really enjoyed seeing what was happening. Another tip though - if your wife tells you a couple of times that no, she doesn't want a mirror so she can see then NO SHE DOESN'T WANT A BLOODY MIRROR!!

Good luck. I'm sure you and your wife will both do great. The fact that you're even asking what you can do to help is fantastic.

[Three Graces]

Hi,

I agree with everything already posted. Our doula runs a 'beer and bubs' session in Melb (they're run througout the country) which are just for dads/dads to be.


The only thing that i can add is to maybe have a signal between you and your DW (for when/if she can't talk) that you work out beforehand. I really wished when I was induced with our first that I'd told my husband 'if I'm tapping a finger during a contraction, it means shut up, shut up MW and anybody else who is in the room'. I was limited to one word requests inbetween contractions and couldn't talk much, and internalised/meditated through most of it. I found that being quiet, the staff would just start up a conversation with DH, as if I wasn't in the room, concentrating really hard through each contraction. I did manage a few 'shut ups', but told him for future births to keep an eye on my finger and to get the MW to stop talking about CD's and music etc.
Also, when you're 'allowed' to talk, give lots and lots and lots of encouragement.
Good luck with it all