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Thread: Giving birth with no support person?

  1. #1
    Billy Ocean Guest

    Default Giving birth with no support person?

    Just wondering if anyone thought this was a reasonable thing to do?

    The baby's father wasn't going to be there anyway, so that's not an issue. A close friend of mine who has 3 children of her own has offered to come and I said yes but the closer I get, the more I don't want anyone there.

    This is my first baby so perhaps the whole idea of doing it alone is crazy, I don't know.



    I'm booked in to have bub at the Mercy FBC and I know the midwives will be around but not sure if they'd appreciate having to "look after me" full time sort of thing if I had no support person.

    Am I really strange and perhaps losing it or what? Is this a normal way to feel? Maybe I'm just having a hormonal/irrational day. (again!)

    Anyway, I just thought I'd ask.

    Kate

  2. #2

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    I personally wouldnt be having bub alone....my support people is what got me thru both of my labours )

  3. #3

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    i really great to have some one as the midwife is not there all the time.

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    Hmm. That's tricky, cos I had two support people but hardly noticed them at all because I was so focussed. But who knows if subconsciously, I found their presence helped me relax - I suspect so.

    It really was afterwards that my support partner was invaluable - dh held the baby while I sat on a chair in the shower and just let her hose me down. Washing my hair afterwards really helped me feel refreshed after giving birth!

    Think about it this way - if you don't want your friend to do anything, will she be okay with just sitting in the corner with a magazine? That way you don't really have to decide til it all happens. My dh spent a lot of time eating lollies, and my birth partner watched and pushed my hair back - she's also a student midwife though, so was pretty interested. (they probably did heaps more than this, but I didn't notice)

    I'd keep the option open - your support person doesn't need to be there holding your hand and saying 'you can do it' - they can go and get you drinks, clip your hair back, call any friends/rellies afterwards, help you shower afterwards.

  5. #5

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    i think nelle makes a good point, i guess the support person could even be in the waiting room on standby in case you needed her, if that is what you wanted....

  6. #6
    Billy Ocean Guest

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    Thanks girls.

    Nelle, that's a good way to look at it. She'll be there if I need her to help but she'll be fine if I don't need anything too.

    I think I'm just feeling a little suffocated and self conscious and just having a cr*ppy day, iykwim.

    Thanks again for your thoughts.


  7. #7

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    Kate,
    I would too have someone close by just in case, it is a situation of the unknown and having someone there as many pp have said not as a "supportive you can do it" but even to have someone straight after to share your amazing experience with. And someone that understands you want your space but need you near by.
    Bec

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    I agree, It is important to have someone there who can act as an advocate for you, eg. if you are totally against something and the middies suggest it and u (not totally with it due to labour) can't decide, this person can step in and say 'no, she never wanted that'. they can also be there incase something goes wrong to make those split second decisions to save your life. maybe see if there is a relative or friend that you really prefer, it could just be that u are not totally comfortable with that person. Remember, chances are you will be naked infront of this person, so choose carefully. HTH

  9. #9

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    I'd say go it alone, you don't even need a hospital.

    If you mean a hospital with no-one else, NO. Not unless you want to be bullied a lot. Take someone who will stand up for you. But make sure they will and not listen to the stupid horrid hospital people over you.

    Can't you tell I'm feeling really bad about DS's birth again?

  10. #10

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    I really, really think you shoud have someone 'in you corner'. I worry that you will feel too alone.

    Maybe see about a student middy or doula?

  11. #11

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    There are some births I am at where I wonder how couples manage it alone, even in a hospital! Sometimes some situations require intense support, sometimes not of course... but not having that option there to have one on one support if you need it could put you in a place of loss of control - or it may not. If money is an issue I would look into a trainee doula or student midwife. You can meet them all before hand and make sure you click / enjoy their company - in which case you might not feel so claustrophobic. Just don't think its a good idea to do it alone in a hospital. You have no advocate and in heavy labour, who makes the decisions when you cant? You're giving it up to the hospital to do what they think.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
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  12. #12

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    Hi Kate - I think the other girls have made good comments. But I also wanted to let you know not to worry about being self conscious in labour. My MIL was my midwife and I remember saying to her before not to look at my ...cellulite, chubby thighs etc. She laughed and said "Darling that is the last thing you will be thinking of when you are in labour". And boy was she so right.
    Birth comes naturally but it does take all of your focus. That is why it is good to have someone focusing on the other stuff eg. giving you sips of water, helping you to the toilet if you need, massaging your back, or just sitting in the corner if thats what you want. But it is good to have someone who knows what you want and need and who will be there for you. Even if it is just in case.
    I hope this helps.

  13. #13

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    I would recommend a support person in labour definately and for all the reason the other ladies have already said. They just help out so substantially with all the little things.

    The midwife has only one set of hands and it helps them also if the support person concentrates on the smaller things so they can really concentrate on the medical side of things IYKWIM. Especially if you end up with an arrogant DR that is just in the room to deliver the baby and then leaves again.

    One thing i notice no one else has mentioned is after the baby is born your support person/friend can take all the first pictures of you and your bub together...these are so nice to look back on!!

  14. #14

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    You may also not like the midwife which does happen! Usually at a birth there is a midwife my clients love and one they loathe - so being stuck with someone unplesant at your birth isn't fun. At least you will know there will definitely be one person you will love if you have your own support and you will know they are on your team with your interests at heart - and not hospital policy or their job
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  15. #15

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    I can remember when I was in labour and I was with DH, I got leg cramp. DH buzzed a nurse they told him that its not a medically required assistance and for him to do it. Hate to think if I needed a drink...just remember there are great midwifes and doctors but there are some that arnt.
    Its a big risk to think you are going to get great ones all the time.
    Bec

  16. #16

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    Hope you are feeling a bit better about everything today, Kate. Only you can know what's right for you, but I thought I'd share my experience with you...
    I am generally a pretty private person. I'm not all that sociable, really. But I had both my husband and my SIL who's a midwife there with me and I really appreciated their presence... Particularly (and surprisingly to some) my SIL. I didn't realise that no matter how much I prepared for labour, nothing could fully prepare me for the sensations and emotions I would feel while giving birth. SIL helped me not to feel afraid and that was so important.
    I too would recommend having someone on standby for when it all starts. You will have time to decide when you go into labour if you want your friend or not.
    All the best. I do really hope you are feeling more positive today

  17. #17
    Billy Ocean Guest

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    Thank you ALL very, very much. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

    Krysalyss, I think maybe you hit the nail on the head. I'm VERY self conscious and I think that's really worrying me. Everyone has said that it's the last thing I'll be thinking of at the time so I guess I'm going to have to take everyone's word for it, having not been through it yet myself.

    I agree with you all about having someone there who is going to stand up for what I want and not just let the dr's take over. Otherwise, I might as well have just booked into the normal part of the hospital and not worried about the FBC and that's not what I want, at all.

    Kelly, I agree, it would be awful to be stuck with a midwife I didn't like. Didn't think of that - thank you!

    Danniim, forgot about the picture taking, too! Glad you reminded me.

    I think I had a "holy sh*t, what am I doing? I can't do this!" day yesterday. I freaked out, about everything. Then my little mind started working overtime, as it does, and well, you know how it is. It all ended in tears!

    I'm very glad I posted this though because all your thoughts and comments have really made me feel better. Thank you again, very much.

    x

  18. #18

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    Another reason for a support person is that you're using the FBC which means you have to stay strong about no intervention and it will help immensely to have an advocate and an encourager. Your midwives should be helpful though, if they're working at the FBC.

    Good luck!

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