I had a vaginal delivery at home with entonox (gas and air) for most of the 2nd stage (they didn't know i was that far on so i was using gas and roaring as i was told not to push, and it ended up i only pushed once).

I felt humbled and elated and victorious and glorious. I wrote to a friend a few days later "I am a WOMAN now!" and that was how i felt. Something had shifted, i had felt the edges of myself and the world and knew now how strong i was capable of being. Emotionally i was euphoric, literally high as a kite. I felt like molten gold was flowing in my veins, and i had touched heaven, BEEN heaven, i had been the passage for a soul to earth. It was marvelous. Physically i felt glowing and wonderful. My diaphragm was exhausted from roaring instead of pushing for 90 minutes, but this felt like welcome weakness then, like tired thighs after the triumph of finishing a road race, or the tired muscles after vigorous sex. I had a little tear but right after the birth my whole vulva just felt pleasantly hot, swollen, and to be honest was like a more dramatic version of the feeling i get post-sex from the friction, a feeling which always makes me smile to remember my lover. She was delightful and amazing, feeding at my breast. She seemed to have introduced me anew to a body i thought i knew all about. When i look back, the first 24-48 hous passed in a glowing haze of love and joy and truimph. My mood seemed to put a positive spin on everything - even the sting of the aromatherapeutic perineal gel (with cypress, lavender and rose oil in it) in my tear felt like a welcome burning!

Oh good grief i want another one!

Bx