Husband "squeamish"

[Julie Doula]

Here's Kelly's intro to The Pink Kit:

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/pregnancy/the-pink-kit

It's a package of a book, PDF files of text, a DVD and an audio CD that talk about using breath and relaxation for labour, understanding the shape and movement of your pelvis, choosing positions that maximize the dimensions of your pelvis (non-symetrical positions, like up on one knee, are classics), and massage of the internal tissues to understand your anatomy and de-mystify the sensations. It has some good comments on the role of what's happening in your thoughts and head space for birth too.

On the train once, I noticed a woman reading a midwifery mag and guessed she must be an off-duty midwife. Since I had to do some research for the doula training, I asked her would she mind answering some questions. We got into discussing the increasing rates of intervention. She basically said, with some frustration, that many of the clients where she worked came in knowing very little, lay down and waited for the hospital to "do unto them". So, treading carefully, I asked was there anything she'd recommend that she thought might help prepare women and reduce the need for interventions?

"Well have you heard of The Pink Kit???" she said right off.

She was quite suprised that I had! I went and bought mine the following week.

I've once used the 'Sit Bone Spread' with immediate and dramatic effect. The woman sat into her partner's hands as he took part of her weight, and he just gently eased her sit bones outwards, during a pushing contraction. There was a big gush of fluid and the woman felt the descent. The midwife watching was impressed! (So was I actually - my first time to try it out - and I was also happy because although I suggested it, I didn't actually do anything - the woman and her partner did it. Happy Doula moment.)

I found I had to go over the Pink Kit content a few times before I started to 'get' it. It kind of grows on you. I thought it was positive of the involvement of the father.

As with anything, I didn't agree with *everything* but definitely a good resource to have in the collection.

[mrsr]

Thanks!

[fionas]

Despite the fact that my partner has a child from a previous relationship and despite his assurances to the contrary, I think he too will be squeamish when it comes to the actual birth. That's OK because to my mind, he's there to support ME, not to look at what's happening down the business end. The midwives/doctors can do that.

Now he might not be very good with blood and gore but he is VERY good at being assertive, asking the right questions and spotting medical baloney when he hears it. So, his job will be to make sure that I'm either not pressured into loads of interventions or if it turns out I actually can't cope with the pain, to track down that pain relief as quickly as possible.

Luckily, I don't think that he will be too fussed at seeing me in pain so I won't need to tone down my screams for fear of freaking him out!

[ShootingStar]

Star.. my DH originally said he'd be there at the birth but he was not looking at Jesse until he was wrapped up.. he said he wouldnt cut the cord or anything.. didnt want to have any involvement otherwise he would be sick. When time came i had to have an episiotomy, he looked the whole time, cut Jesse's cord and didnt take his eyes off him.
I think just the whole thought of labour and the unknown scares them a little. I know it did me too.

Im sure he didnt mean anything bad by it towards you at all.. he's probably too, just a little unsure about what is going to happen.

[Julie Doula]

Now he might not be very good with blood and gore but he is VERY good at being assertive, asking the right questions and spotting medical baloney when he hears it. So, his job will be to make sure that I'm either not pressured into loads of interventions or if it turns out I actually can't cope with the pain, to track down that pain relief as quickly as possible.

I love this kind of Dad! Dads are great at "gate keeping". Reminds me of that song, "Keep Your Hands Off My Girl".

[fionas]

Thank you Julie Doula. I love this kind of dad too!

I know he will look at me as if I'm completely deranged if I ask him to start faffing around with the aromatherapy burner. But if I say I want an epidural, I can imagine him running around corridors to rugby tackle the nearest doctor and woebetide anyone who gets in his way. Likewise, if I say I don't want monitoring thank you, it wouldn't surprise me if he moved furniture around to block the doorway and keep all medical staff away.

No-one can be good at everything so we just need to recognise ours/our partner's strengths and work out the best way to use them.

[Julie Doula]

If I say I don't want monitoring thank you, it wouldn't surprise me if he moved furniture around to block the doorway and keep all medical staff away.

Now THERE'S a strategy!

"No-one can be good at everything so we just need to recognise ours/our partner's strengths and work out the best way to use them."

Yes - well said, Fiona! (Mentally reciting this to self as I go off to find dh and hug him!)