Inertia you are perfectly within your rights to decline vaginal examinations, they are not necessary - checking labour doesn't make it happen betteror faster!

DD gave me a 2nd degree tear with her shoulder on the way out which i didn't have stitched (my choice) and it healed beautifully without any of the painful scar tissue some of the women i know who WERE stitched have. I know a woman who had a 3rd degree tear after her planned unassisted homebirth. She didn't have it stitched either, just kept her legs together for 10 days (tied her knees together loosely when she was asleep so she wouldn't part them too much) and she too healed up fine. Tears are generally not volunteered for but unless you tear through the rectal mucosa stitches are a choice.

Bx