Thanks everyone for your replies and advice. I guess because ds is only 18 months old the memories of what i went through with him is still very fresh. I remember very clearly after i had a shot of pethidine when i was in labour with him i felt like i was sort of locked in my own mind iykwim. I couldn't speak and express myself however my body was in so much pain and my brain was screaming but i couldn't express myself in words. I saw the epidural as my lifeline as after i had that i finally felt normal and human again. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I hope my next labour is very different and i guess with an induced labour being hooked up to machines i really had no way of being as active as i needed to be. I think that is where most of my fear comes from and my way of breaking through that barrier is to have as much information up my sleeve as i possibly can have.