Pfft! Small Pelvis

**fionas** · December 11th, 2007, 08:06 PM

I agree with Lily but also hear what you're saying about wanting her to make an informed choice Fiona. I think, rather than trying to get her to read stuff, perhaps start by asking her what sort of help you can give her in the few weeks after the caesarean and gently point out that certain things might be difficult. On a similar tack, you could also ask if she wants some help choosing sterilisers, bottles, warmers etc. etc. for bottles - showing her that there is a lot of faffing around with formula as opposed to BF.

It sounds like your sister already knows your views and will run a mile if you try to "persuade" her in an obvious way so perhaps a more gentle way, that could prompt further questions from her, may be your best bet.

***Efjay*** · December 11th, 2007, 08:20 PM

For Sure, I don't want to "Scare" her away from what I think is wrong, I just want to offer her all the information possible. So she can make a informed choice.
The way I see it is, it took me 3 babies to before I had what I class as my perfect birth. I would love to give her the knowladge I gained to acheive that for her very first birth so she can have a positive experience right from the get go. I know everyone is different & being her first my "perfect birth" is still going to be a experience that she may not see as a positive one but I would love for her to skip all the crap that *may* happen.
I wouldn't be able to offer her much support or information in the way of bottles, formula etc as I have never used them so I have no idea. I also can't offer much in the way of hands on support if she was to have a c/s I have 3 kids all at home & live over an hour from her. I think the last thing she would need is me & my tribe on her door step LOL.
Plus I am pretty sure she is going to be living with Dad & her Mum & her other sister is going to be more then willing to take over. She will be pretty set in the way of hands on support. But again (and I realise I am looking down my nose at them, but its just the way it is, trust me) these people are not going to support her in the way of whats best for baby & mother, it will be whats easiest.

I just want to interfer but with the best possible intentions at heart KWIM LOL.

**fionas** · December 11th, 2007, 08:37 PM

I know exactly what you mean FionaJill - my sister is exactly the same and I've had to choose my battles very, very carefully. It's really tough but you can't live their lives for them so I only choose to pick her up on stuff that has a major impact on the kids. I know people would disagree, but having a caesarean versus VB doesn't make it on that list for me.

***Efjay*** · December 11th, 2007, 08:51 PM

Its not so much that I don't agree with her needing one, Its more that I know she thinks thats the easy way out when its not. She doesn't realise that c/s is actually the bad way to have to give birth. Its the pain factor she is scared of & she thinks a c/s is going to take that away but what she doesn't realise is that it will replace it with a major surgery & all the recovery that comes with it.
BFing, well I know I can't win that one, I can only try & encourage her to at least give it a try. I think my older sister would actually be the better person to help her see its not that gross or hard as she has BF'd her kids & bottle fed so I would think she would be able to show her that BFing is easy. I think its mostly the not being able to hand the baby to someone else to feed etc when she is BFing.
Who knows she might shock us all & turn out to be incredibly "mothering" but she really doesn't strike me as the type. That sounds so harsh. I know what I mean...

**fionas** · December 12th, 2007, 06:09 AM

Well, I think you can only ask her if she's sure she'd like a caesarean and that it's six weeks of pain versus one day(ish). That's all you can do. Sometimes people have to make their own mistakes - as you said, it took you three births before you had your perfect one.

On the breastfeeding, your sister sounds like she can give her both perspectives - remember, it's not always easy for everyone so I would be hesitant before saying that.

It sounds like you have doubts whether your sister will be a good mum. Even more reason to try not to get her back up now and save your advice for REALLY important stuff.

I had to bite my tongue for a very long time with my own sister and try to establish a good relationship with her so that she would actually listen to me when I told her that feeding her 5-year-old son cheese sandwiches or hot chips for EVERY meal (I'm not kidding) was really not good enough and she was going to have to learn to cook because he was malnourished with v bad eyesight. If I'd had a go at every decision she made up to then, she simply wouldn't have listened to me but because I chose only that battle, it did have some effect. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but It sounds like bigger things might come up FionaJill.

***Efjay*** · December 12th, 2007, 07:08 AM

Yeah I am sure your right. I feel really mean saying I don't think much of mothering skills. She just ins't the kind. But as I said she may surprise us all & be wonderful.