I love you guys. I really do. Thank you.

DH woke up to my trying to be silent meltdown last night and we ended up staying up until almost 4am crying and talking it out. He listened (properly) and helped me work through some of the junk in my head.

To answer some questions, I've had a textbook pre nancy and am only being induced due to dates. My dr I've only seen twice as the one I've been seeing has gone on holidays. Both ladies are just lovely and this doc didn't bully bully me into it (apart from the normal "post 7 days" risk increase statistics that she presented factually). I went with the flow too much and they only do one induction a day (small regional private hospital) so we had to schedule and she goes away on Thursday. She bumped another lady or rostered more staff to fit me in. now feel I've backed myself into a corner. Indont know why i was so blaise about it.

After unpacking it with DH I think the main issue here for me is the fact that I don't have a relationship with my caregivers because I haven't had the time/opportunity to build one. They are all new to me. I'm not 100% comfortable with being induced at 40+8 if my body isn't ready. I'm scared about complications as well but know if there is a medical reason for them I can process them. It's the trust thing I think at the root of my anxieties.

DH and I have come up with a plan to get me back on track to be a birthing goddess and rock this birth . I left a message for my doctor to call me back to discuss a few things. She just called and i know what to xpect tomorrow afternoon and she is fully supportive of trying to go as natural as possible and reassured me that it is my body and I'm still in control. She gave me reassuring stats on inductions and after i told her what the midwife said this morning (see next paragraph) and the fact that I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders she said it sounds like i could go into labour before the induction. I think i mainly needed reassurance to know that my right to make decisions on my care won't be taken away. I would prefer to go into spontaneous labour and would have preferred to wait a little longer until induction day but feel at peace with the decision I have made. DH and I also spoke about our plan in the hospital to ask for some time to discuss alone any decisions that need to made (except emergencies of course) so that we can maintain that feeling of control and choice. We are just to easy going sometimes and need to be more assertive. We are just going to ask for time to discuss for all the decisions that way we won't cut ourselves short.

Also, my mum persuaded me to go back to the hospital for a third S&S (instead of running away and refusing to let anyone touch me ever again) and it found that i am now 2cms dilated bubs is almost fully engaged. Midwife was lovely and said bubs is in optimal position and snuggled nicely in my pelvis. She did a thorough sweep and said she hopes to see me on her nxt shift tomorrow morning. So my body is making progress and I'm hoping to go into labour before tomorrow or at the very least have my cervix ready for my waters to be broken and to go it alone from there. I've had ouchy cramping since and a bloody show. I feel like these things are possibilities now.

I had reflexology this morning and went for a big walk around the paddocks this afternoon. I'm about to have a nap as I'm exhausted. Going to have a bath with my clary sage and rose oils tonight and get DH to give my aching hips and belly a massage with my special childbirth massage oil. Oh and I'm bouncing on that fit ball like a little kid.

I'm still scared but feel more settled and confident that I CAN do this! I'm going to print out this thread and put it in my little birth affirmation book to refer to during labour because your answers are exactly what I needed to read/hear!

I was hesitant to post but so glad i did. I feel so cared for and supported by all of your responses. Thank you all so much. I will keep you all in the loop as to how the next couple of days pan out. I am now able to put anxiety aside to be excited that I finally get to be a mummy in a couple more sleeps.

Please keep sending labour vibes though.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk